My Horrible Secret.

I have a horrible confession to make.
Brace yourself.
I had never seen A Nightmare on Elm Street until about three days ago.
You can start throwing tomatoes at me any moment now.
Now I have seen the sequels. But the original Nightmare?
Nope.
Never have.
You may ask "Why? Why Cins?! Why are you such a travesty to have NOT seen this classic until three days ago? What the HELL is wrong with you!?!?!"
There is one reason and one reason ONLY why I have never seen the Original Nightmare.
And its this gentleman right here.



...seriously.
Freddy Krueger.
That is a horror villain that scares me more than if Pinhead, Jason, and Micheal Myers decided to start a football team and I was their ball girl. And because of this irrational fear I had as a child, I could not bring myself to watch the first Nightmare movie for years. The sequels? Well they were fun over the top insanity that I could easily separate myself from. But the first? Yeah...not so much.
You see, when I was a kid, my older sister went to see the first Nightmare on Elm Street. I was young and chicken shit and steered clear of movies of the horror kind. And yet, my older sister felt the need to tell me about the entire movie IN GREAT DETAIL because it would be funny. Needless to say, my child like imagination managed to take every scene she told me about and magnify it about %150. So yeah...terror inducing visuals soon followed me to my child slumber. I really do believe my insomnia stems from this moment.
No worries. I am getting my revenge on my sister by teaching my 1 year old nephew how to say "Mommy has thunder thighs".

Freddy is a scary mother fucker! I'm a 33 year old adult and I still worry about having nightmares about this man because who KNOWS what will happen then! My imagination is ruthless. I really don't know what sort of anal bowels of Freddy Hell I may end up in. I mean Jason and Micheal Myers will just kill you. Freddy, much like Pinhead, will destroy you and take you to eternal torment...just because the fucker can. Freddy scared me enough that it conditioned my brain to NEVER dream about him ever. As a little girl I would lay awake at night, covered clutched up to my chin as I chanted "Don't dream about Freddy don't dream about Freddy don't dream about Freddy". And I do believe it has worked.
Instead I dream about zombies.
Fair Trade.
But I did suck up my extremely...EXTREMELY retarded fear and popped in Nightmare on Elm Street. I bought it on DVD at Target and damn it, I was going to watch it!
Is it still scary?
Oh Hell yes it is.
While I don't think it tapped into that primal fear that my childish imagination did, it still is pretty damn creepy and screwed up. The first scene alone with Tina doing ceiling acrobatics is terrifying. And serious Freddy? Still damn scary. Since I watched the sequels first I was more used to freaky funny Freddy. And while I do prefer funny Freddy simply because he is more sadistic, serious Freddy is pretty fucked up.
The good part about this? I have not died in my sleep yet. But then I am not a teenager so I'm sure that makes a difference in who Freddy wants to murder.

But that is my deep dark horrible secret.
Please respect me in the morning.

Was there an alternative title for this?

Nightmare on Elm Street Part 2....Freddy's House Angry Penetration.

Seriously have you SEEN THIS MOVIE?! Some people were saying that you only see the gay metaphors when you're really looking for them. Perhaps I am looking really hard for them.
But when a gym teacher is pelted with countless amounts of balls as his naked supple butt cheeks are whipped with a wet towel by Mr Kruger before his body is penetrated by his claws, I start a wonderin'. This is after they pointlessly film the gym teacher's visit to a leather bar. WHAT WAS THE POINT OF THAT?!?!
They weren't even GOOD metaphors! What are they trying to say? "Hey, pal, if you come out of the closet, you'll become Freddy Kruger" WHAT?! WHAT THE HELL, MAN!
I have so many questions!
Why did the bird explode?!
Why does Freddy hate anything from Ikea?!
Why does our leading woman look like Meryl Streep?!
Why did our leading man have a box in his closet that was marked PROBE?!
Did I finally find a movie that pissed me off more than Jeepers Creepers and Exorcist: The Begining?!
WHY WHY WHY!
POR QUE!!!

....I'm okay.
Thanks Stac.
I'm so getting you back for this.

Because That's the kind of Girl I Am...

Sorry there was no post of substance today. Things outside of bloggerland got a bit hectic for both Stac and I.

But I thought it appropriate to mention that my husband and I just put up and decorated our Christmas Tree while watching Se7en.

Honestly? I think a better movie to watch while decorating the tree is Freddy Vs. Jason. There's a bit of a playfulness to to it that goes more with such an event.



You know? The Exorcist might have been a good choice if I decided to go the DVD route, what with all the religious themes and me being Catholic...well...Catholic Lite.
Or Perhaps a little Alien vs. Predator: Requiem? I'll be honest, I loved that movie for both its hilarity factor and the many wonderful creative deaths. I'm sure this will once again ruin my "Street Cred".



So to make this post sound a little more interesting and a little less "Cins has started rambling because she nipped into the Egg Nog again", lets open this up to discussion!

What would be your choice of horror film to watch while doing something for the Holiday season? Lets make this a little challenging too. What movie OTHER than a Christmas themed horror film would you watch? So Black Christmas, Silent Night/Deadly Night, and Santa's Slay don't count. Hanukkah, Ramadan, Solstice, and Kwanzaa horror films do count since I really don't know of any and would love to know of them.

Discuss...I'm going to go have a little more Egg Nog.

Unhealthy Attractions - BONUS MATERIAL!

I was planning on doing a quick write up on the movie Stir of Echoes today. But there is NO way I can follow up Stac's post with anything remotely interesting. Because now all I'm thinking about is Michael Myers wang and its becoming upsetting. Typing about the movie? Cleaning up the apartment? Giving my husband a sweet kiss on the cheek as he heads to work? All of it shadowed over with the horrible image of gray hulking Halloween peener in my head.

So instead I decided to post BONUS material of the chat Stac and I had about her article below. Maybe it will give you some insight on our beloved Stac's psyche. Or maybe it will just be full of sex jokes. Actually, its just full of sex jokes.

Maybe tomorrow I can post something that won't make me think of Michael Myers one eyed Shattner snake....I wonder if it wears a teeny mask?

On Freddy Kruger:
Stac: Okay, who all do I want to do in the horror pantheon?
Stac: The phantom of the opera, Pinhead, Micheal Myers, for some horrible reason,
Stac: Uhh...
Cins: Freddy?
Stac: Naw. Besides, I'm a tad old for him.
Cins: True. You do have to be at most 15 for him. Oh God, I'm going to Hell.
Stac: Plus, he strikes me as a biter. I'm the biter, dammit!
Cins: He may no longer have a penis either.
Cins: I mean...fire and all.
Stac: And fingering is absolutely out of the question.
Cins: What about with the other hand?
Stac: Would You trust him?
Cins: ...touche.

On Candyman:
Cins: OH! Candyman! Duh!
Cins: I mean come one..Candyman was hot.
Stac: OH!! OH HELL YES!! Thanks!!
Cins: At least his voice was hot. The hook? Looked a bit unsanitary. But maybe you could just make him talk dirty to you for a while.
Cins : Need I point out that most hot horror icons come from Clive Barker?

On Jason Voorhees:
Cins: Jason I think would be too....gooey.
Stac: Think if you did Jason he'd try to machete HIMSELF to death?

On Norman Bates:
Cins: Norman Bates?
Cins: REALLY?
Cins: I'm surprised by that one.
Stac: Yeah, when I was about 10.
Stac: My mother was NOT pleased when I told her that.
Cins: You wanted to have sex with Norman Bates when you were 10 years old....
Cins: I think I just snorted Wine through my nose.
Stac: Well I wanted to kiss him. And cuddle him.
Stac: Naked.
Stac: Tightly
Cins: This explains so much...

On Peloquin from Nightbreed:
Cins: OH Man..Peloquin from Nightbreed...Oh...yeah.
Stac: Fuck, talk about a biter!
Cins: OOOOOOOHH yeah!
Stac: Yeah, I'll put Peloquin on the list.
Cins: You BETTER put him on the list!
Stac: I have, I have! You psycho!
Cins: WHAT?! He's Hot! I mean monsters don't do much for me but COME ON!!!
Stac: Plus his skin hair reminds me of my Willie the Waterbug toy when I was little!
Cins: Oh wow...that's like...really wrong.


On The Title of the Article:
Stac: Okay, what should I call this article, do you think?
Stac: Stupid Urges?
Cins: Unhealthy Attractions.
Stac: BWAHAHAHAH!! PERFECT!
Stac: PART ONE!
Cins: Part ONE?! How many hard ons for freakzoids do you have?!
Stac: I'LL NEVER TELL!
Stac: IN ONE POST!
Stac: I was thinking I'd cover sexy villains in books and stuff, too.
Cins: SO glad no zombies are on that list.....