If your eye ball popped out and was dangling by its optic nerve, would it be weird to suck on it occasionally to keep it moist?
Would it be salty?
Would you see down your throat and whatever your other eye was focused on?
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Creepy Kiddie Reads
I'm a voracious reader; I taught myself to read when I was 3 years old and have never looked back. I drove my mother crazy because she'd catch me reading instead of getting ready for school, and my math teachers hated me because they'd find my copy of whatever I was reading at the time tucked into my math book.
Many of my childhood reads I still bust out and re-visit, so I thought I would share some of my favorites. Feel free to contribute your own in the comments, so that I can agree, mock, stare at you blankly, whatever I feel like doing at the moment.
The first, and most obvious is, of course, Bunnicula.
(The cover above is the version I've got.) It was written originally in 1979 by James and Deborah Howe. The writers were a contributing factor for my fascination for these books; Deborah Howe was never listed as author on any of the subsequent sequels. I found out later that she died at a very young age, and for some reason that made me love the book more, like it needed a little bit more attention.
This book is amazingly great, even now. To the best of my knowledge it's never been out of print, and it guaranteed to make a morbid kid like me happy. Bunnicula is about a family, and their adoption of an orphaned rabbit, found at a showing of Dracula. The story is told by Harold, the family dog, and the discovery by the family cat, Chester, that the bunny, named Bunnicula, is in fact.. a vampire! Shenanigans, of course, ensue.
Chester feels that Bunnicula is dangerous-- as he puts it "Today vegetables--tomorrow, the world!" and tries to kill the poor rabbit. Garlic, vegetable vamping, and bunny abuse abound! But I'll ruin it for you: since there are sequels and none of them are named "The Cat and his Rabbit Skin Rug", the rabbit lives.
The storyline is several books long now, and I think more come out occasionally. So far there is Bunnicula, Howliday Inn, The Celery Stalks At Midnight, Nighty-Nightmare, Return to Howliday Inn, Bunnicula Strikes Again, Bunnicula Meets Edgar Allen Crow, and there's also a Christmas book. These are great for kids (and those like me who are essentially over sized children), so it's a good gift idea. I still have the original copy that I got from the Troll book order when I was in third grade. Give it a read if you're like me and will read almost anything. Be like me. C'mon, all the cool (big) kids are doing it!
My next childhood favorite, one I literally read to pieces, is The Prisoner of Vampires, written by Nancy Garden and with cool illustrations by Michele Chessare.
This is a book that I find I appreciate more and more; it's intended for 9-12 year olds, but there is a lot of vampire lore in here aside from Dracula. This book references Carmilla by Sheridan Le Fanu, as well as Lord Ruthven the Vampire (written by John William Polidori, conceived of the same night that Mary Shelly came up with Frankenstein), and Night Visitor to Croglin Low Grange, a story I didn't even get a chance to read until a few years ago. (If anyone knows who the last title is by, please share; I couldn't find anything online, and was having a hard time finding the author in the Time-Life Enchanted book it's featured in.)
The story is about a 12 year old boy named Alex. He lives in Massachusetts, and has a serious knack for getting himself into trouble. He's not a trouble maker, he just lacks common sense. Alex is a horror buff and decides to write on vampires for a school paper.
While deep in the basement of the local library (which abuts a mortuary) he ends up meeting the phenomenally creepy Radu, who promises to school him in true vampiric legend. Alex agrees, and I'm sure you could see what a huge mistake that was from space.
At the same time a strain of the flu is sweeping through their city, and soon a classmate of his teen aged sister dies. Then his sister becomes ill. It's around this time that he meets the young woman with the tight, frightening braces, scary because of what they are trying to conceal, sitting next to him on the bus.
This is still a really, really strong book, and I'm glad to have a copy. I think I'll reread this over Christmas, in fact.
I was going to go on, but this wall 'o text is threatening to crush the neighboring county. I should probably at least pretend I care, huh? Please, feel free to share more titles with me! I'm always looking for something else to read!
Many of my childhood reads I still bust out and re-visit, so I thought I would share some of my favorites. Feel free to contribute your own in the comments, so that I can agree, mock, stare at you blankly, whatever I feel like doing at the moment.
The first, and most obvious is, of course, Bunnicula.
(The cover above is the version I've got.) It was written originally in 1979 by James and Deborah Howe. The writers were a contributing factor for my fascination for these books; Deborah Howe was never listed as author on any of the subsequent sequels. I found out later that she died at a very young age, and for some reason that made me love the book more, like it needed a little bit more attention.
This book is amazingly great, even now. To the best of my knowledge it's never been out of print, and it guaranteed to make a morbid kid like me happy. Bunnicula is about a family, and their adoption of an orphaned rabbit, found at a showing of Dracula. The story is told by Harold, the family dog, and the discovery by the family cat, Chester, that the bunny, named Bunnicula, is in fact.. a vampire! Shenanigans, of course, ensue.
Chester feels that Bunnicula is dangerous-- as he puts it "Today vegetables--tomorrow, the world!" and tries to kill the poor rabbit. Garlic, vegetable vamping, and bunny abuse abound! But I'll ruin it for you: since there are sequels and none of them are named "The Cat and his Rabbit Skin Rug", the rabbit lives.
The storyline is several books long now, and I think more come out occasionally. So far there is Bunnicula, Howliday Inn, The Celery Stalks At Midnight, Nighty-Nightmare, Return to Howliday Inn, Bunnicula Strikes Again, Bunnicula Meets Edgar Allen Crow, and there's also a Christmas book. These are great for kids (and those like me who are essentially over sized children), so it's a good gift idea. I still have the original copy that I got from the Troll book order when I was in third grade. Give it a read if you're like me and will read almost anything. Be like me. C'mon, all the cool (big) kids are doing it!
My next childhood favorite, one I literally read to pieces, is The Prisoner of Vampires, written by Nancy Garden and with cool illustrations by Michele Chessare.
This is a book that I find I appreciate more and more; it's intended for 9-12 year olds, but there is a lot of vampire lore in here aside from Dracula. This book references Carmilla by Sheridan Le Fanu, as well as Lord Ruthven the Vampire (written by John William Polidori, conceived of the same night that Mary Shelly came up with Frankenstein), and Night Visitor to Croglin Low Grange, a story I didn't even get a chance to read until a few years ago. (If anyone knows who the last title is by, please share; I couldn't find anything online, and was having a hard time finding the author in the Time-Life Enchanted book it's featured in.)
The story is about a 12 year old boy named Alex. He lives in Massachusetts, and has a serious knack for getting himself into trouble. He's not a trouble maker, he just lacks common sense. Alex is a horror buff and decides to write on vampires for a school paper.
While deep in the basement of the local library (which abuts a mortuary) he ends up meeting the phenomenally creepy Radu, who promises to school him in true vampiric legend. Alex agrees, and I'm sure you could see what a huge mistake that was from space.
At the same time a strain of the flu is sweeping through their city, and soon a classmate of his teen aged sister dies. Then his sister becomes ill. It's around this time that he meets the young woman with the tight, frightening braces, scary because of what they are trying to conceal, sitting next to him on the bus.
This is still a really, really strong book, and I'm glad to have a copy. I think I'll reread this over Christmas, in fact.
I was going to go on, but this wall 'o text is threatening to crush the neighboring county. I should probably at least pretend I care, huh? Please, feel free to share more titles with me! I'm always looking for something else to read!
Saturday, November 29, 2008
ANGRY BITCHES! Women who kick ass.
So after some booze and a healthy dose of Quantum of Solace, what better way to remove the thought of Michael Myers penis from my mind than writing an article on horror film women?
Now before some of you get excited, no this is not an article on "Top 10 Women in horror I would consider scissoring". Even though Stac and I have had the "If I were a lesbian" conversation before, that is a post for another time...when we're really drunk.
I'm sure I just pissed off all my lesbian friends with the above statement.
No, I am talking about the hard heroine. The women who kick ass and take names. You know, bitches. Being a woman, I become delighted when I encounter a competent female heroine. Now, don't get me wrong. I love old school horror. A woman running through a dark forest armed only with her underwear, and screaming loud enough for every deformed loony with a sharp object to come after her is actually quite hilarious (On the screen that is. In real life it would be a bit disturbing.).
Despite my amusement, it gets tiring after a while. And when a woman comes around that is not in her underwear and armed with a BFG (or machete, or her teeth, or what have you) I get excited.
Now before you venture ANY further down this article keep in mind there will be spoilers! If you have a problem with spoilers, stop reading right now and go read Stac's article about horror icons she wants to do, again.
Okay....all set?
I'm going to start with the mother of all bad ass angry bitches in my book, Ellen Ripley.
Now I've already made it clear that Ripley is my hero. And I could probably go on and on stating the same things I've said (And everyone else has said) about her. I'll try to be brief. What I found so great about Ripley was she was an average blue collar woman. Yes she knew how to operate a power loader...and yes I do want to own one... but she was not a trained marine. Nor was she a shrinking violet. She was cool, calm, collected, and a professional. And when she DID lose her cool it made perfect sense why she did. Who wouldn't? have you SEEN those things?! wouldn't YOU want to beat the crap out of Carter Burke too?!
Though most people focus on Ripley in the Alien series there is one woman who is always over looked. Vasquez.
Now if there is any woman who could probably chew up and spit out Ripley, its this woman here. She tends to get overlooked because she died horrifically and well, she wasn't the heroine. I also noticed that she is overlooked because many people consider her "one of the boys" which for me, is pretty damn cool. She blended in rather well. There was no sub plot about how difficult it was to be a woman amongst some much machismo. Actually, given the group she was with, I felt Vasquez had the biggest balls out of all of them. She may not have been a leader, and she was hot headed, but when it came down to the wire, she was willing to blow herself up for the team. And do it with a funny quip to the guy she though was a douche bag.
Which leads me to Alice.
Alice, sweet Alice. Now I consider the Resident Evil movies action films not horror. The one that was the closest to horror in my mind was the third one Resident Evil: Extinction. In fact, I really didn't like Alice much UNTIL Resident Evil: Extinction. That was when Alice grew into her own as a character. No memory problems like the first one and no...huh...you know, I didn't pay much attention to the second one since I found it a bit dull. Regardless, Alice became kick ass in the third film. The fighting, the motorcycle, controlling shit with your mind, and the army of skinny naked clones at the end. Yes, the idea of being charged at by a ton of stick skinny supermodels with weapons does frighten me. What I liked about the concept of Alice was how the idea of her struck fear in the hearts of the villains. They wanted her dead because they KNEW she could probably snap their necks with her thighs.
Moving off the concept of super bad asses, the competent heroine is another concept I love. One of my favorites is Ana from Dawn of the Dead the remake.
I found Ana to be one of the stronger females in a horror film. Not only does she experience one of the most insane first 10 minutes of terror at the beginning of the film she makes it almost through the entire film without losing it. There is a brief moment where she breaks down in private after finally settling at the mall but she never flies off the handle in a fit of hysteria like a certain pregnant Russian woman. That was something I found extremely relateable about Ana. The fact that she hid her vulnerability to keep herself in control during such chaos. Not only does Ana become one of the leaders of the small group, she actually challenges the over zealous rent-a-guards by telling them to "Get that fucking gun out of my face" and pushing it aside as if he was waving a newspaper at her. I love a girl with hootzspah! Ana was a good example of a leader. She didn't have to be a gun toting she-hulk to be commanding. She had brains and bravery. When Ana spoke, the masses listened.
Sticking with the zombie genre, anyone remember Selena from 28 Days Later?
Sometimes it kind of hard to remember others when you have a movie containing full frontal Cillian Murphy in there. I liked Selena the moment she hacked into her partner, Mark seconds after she found out he was bitten. She was a survivor. And while some could argue that Selena grew weaker through out the film I felt she grew even stronger. As the story progressed, Selena realized she actually had something to survive for, and damn it if she wasn't going to survive kicking and screaming.
What I found so interesting about Selena is how her character evolved from a heartless surviving machine to someone who has a capability to care for others.
She had a big sister quality that she showed when her and Hannah were being held by the British soldiers and took care of her group whether it was with a machete or with words. When the zombie Apocalypse comes, I want Selena on my side.
Now for a woman with class. Clarice Starling.
What is so lovely about Clarice is her combo of strength and vulnerability. A lot of that is credited to Jodi Fosters' pitch perfect performance in Silence of the Lambs. While Clarice was obviously a woman in a man's world, she held her own. She chastises Jack Crawford for treating her like just another woman in front of the small town police men. She is shaken by what she is seeing in the Buffalo Bill murders but never relents and never gives up. She faces off with Hannibal Lecter, a man would happily carve your cheeks off for dinner and not only survives but earns his respect.
To end this far too long post I'm going to point out two characters in one of my favorite horror films. I'm sure I'll lose some of my "Street Cred" for naming this as a favorite but damn it, Silent Hill scared the crap out of me! It wasn't all terror all the time but the creepy factor was through the roof and the art direction was a thing of grotesque beauty.
Silent Hill is not without its flaws. The dialog is akin to a student play about motherhood. But this movie had not just one but two strong females in it, Rose and Cybil.
Now you can argue that if Rose wasn't such a friggin' bone head by taking her daughter to a haunted town with a constant coal fire burning under it, they wouldn't be in trouble in the first place! But then, if she didn't there would be no story and I wouldn't be writing this about this movie now, would I?
What I liked about Rose was her sheer stubbornness. Her complete and utter uncompromising decision to rescue her daughter. She was a mom on a mission! And if that meant dealing with howling coal midgets, roaches with people faces, and of course, Pyramid Head she would meet each one head on. She had her faults. She was shrill and annoying but I admired her tenacity and love of her daughter.
Cybil was another wonderful female. She also had a stubborn streak and didn't put up with Rose's shit. And trust me, there are times when you wanted to give Rose a sound slap in the face. The defining moment for me with Cybil was the scene near the junk yard when that weird, no faced no armed, acid spitting, God knows what thing was came at the two. The moment it looked dangerous, Cybil brought out the gun and open fired. No screaming "OH MY GOOOOOOD!, no terror, just recoil. And up to her dying breath she was Hell bent on protecting Rose's daughter, even while tied to a ladder and set on fire she was ready to take those cult fuckers on!
I will agree though that no cop has a uniform that tight. Thank God she as a nice ass to pull it off. What a wonderful way to end a mildly feminist article...with me talking about Cybil's ass.
I have a ton of other women in my mind for this but these are the ones I felt strongest writing about. Do you have any you want to share? Lay it on me!
Now before some of you get excited, no this is not an article on "Top 10 Women in horror I would consider scissoring". Even though Stac and I have had the "If I were a lesbian" conversation before, that is a post for another time...when we're really drunk.
I'm sure I just pissed off all my lesbian friends with the above statement.
No, I am talking about the hard heroine. The women who kick ass and take names. You know, bitches. Being a woman, I become delighted when I encounter a competent female heroine. Now, don't get me wrong. I love old school horror. A woman running through a dark forest armed only with her underwear, and screaming loud enough for every deformed loony with a sharp object to come after her is actually quite hilarious (On the screen that is. In real life it would be a bit disturbing.).
Despite my amusement, it gets tiring after a while. And when a woman comes around that is not in her underwear and armed with a BFG (or machete, or her teeth, or what have you) I get excited.
Now before you venture ANY further down this article keep in mind there will be spoilers! If you have a problem with spoilers, stop reading right now and go read Stac's article about horror icons she wants to do, again.
Okay....all set?
I'm going to start with the mother of all bad ass angry bitches in my book, Ellen Ripley.
Now I've already made it clear that Ripley is my hero. And I could probably go on and on stating the same things I've said (And everyone else has said) about her. I'll try to be brief. What I found so great about Ripley was she was an average blue collar woman. Yes she knew how to operate a power loader...and yes I do want to own one... but she was not a trained marine. Nor was she a shrinking violet. She was cool, calm, collected, and a professional. And when she DID lose her cool it made perfect sense why she did. Who wouldn't? have you SEEN those things?! wouldn't YOU want to beat the crap out of Carter Burke too?!
Though most people focus on Ripley in the Alien series there is one woman who is always over looked. Vasquez.
Now if there is any woman who could probably chew up and spit out Ripley, its this woman here. She tends to get overlooked because she died horrifically and well, she wasn't the heroine. I also noticed that she is overlooked because many people consider her "one of the boys" which for me, is pretty damn cool. She blended in rather well. There was no sub plot about how difficult it was to be a woman amongst some much machismo. Actually, given the group she was with, I felt Vasquez had the biggest balls out of all of them. She may not have been a leader, and she was hot headed, but when it came down to the wire, she was willing to blow herself up for the team. And do it with a funny quip to the guy she though was a douche bag.
Which leads me to Alice.
Alice, sweet Alice. Now I consider the Resident Evil movies action films not horror. The one that was the closest to horror in my mind was the third one Resident Evil: Extinction. In fact, I really didn't like Alice much UNTIL Resident Evil: Extinction. That was when Alice grew into her own as a character. No memory problems like the first one and no...huh...you know, I didn't pay much attention to the second one since I found it a bit dull. Regardless, Alice became kick ass in the third film. The fighting, the motorcycle, controlling shit with your mind, and the army of skinny naked clones at the end. Yes, the idea of being charged at by a ton of stick skinny supermodels with weapons does frighten me. What I liked about the concept of Alice was how the idea of her struck fear in the hearts of the villains. They wanted her dead because they KNEW she could probably snap their necks with her thighs.
Moving off the concept of super bad asses, the competent heroine is another concept I love. One of my favorites is Ana from Dawn of the Dead the remake.
I found Ana to be one of the stronger females in a horror film. Not only does she experience one of the most insane first 10 minutes of terror at the beginning of the film she makes it almost through the entire film without losing it. There is a brief moment where she breaks down in private after finally settling at the mall but she never flies off the handle in a fit of hysteria like a certain pregnant Russian woman. That was something I found extremely relateable about Ana. The fact that she hid her vulnerability to keep herself in control during such chaos. Not only does Ana become one of the leaders of the small group, she actually challenges the over zealous rent-a-guards by telling them to "Get that fucking gun out of my face" and pushing it aside as if he was waving a newspaper at her. I love a girl with hootzspah! Ana was a good example of a leader. She didn't have to be a gun toting she-hulk to be commanding. She had brains and bravery. When Ana spoke, the masses listened.
Sticking with the zombie genre, anyone remember Selena from 28 Days Later?
Sometimes it kind of hard to remember others when you have a movie containing full frontal Cillian Murphy in there. I liked Selena the moment she hacked into her partner, Mark seconds after she found out he was bitten. She was a survivor. And while some could argue that Selena grew weaker through out the film I felt she grew even stronger. As the story progressed, Selena realized she actually had something to survive for, and damn it if she wasn't going to survive kicking and screaming.
What I found so interesting about Selena is how her character evolved from a heartless surviving machine to someone who has a capability to care for others.
She had a big sister quality that she showed when her and Hannah were being held by the British soldiers and took care of her group whether it was with a machete or with words. When the zombie Apocalypse comes, I want Selena on my side.
Now for a woman with class. Clarice Starling.
What is so lovely about Clarice is her combo of strength and vulnerability. A lot of that is credited to Jodi Fosters' pitch perfect performance in Silence of the Lambs. While Clarice was obviously a woman in a man's world, she held her own. She chastises Jack Crawford for treating her like just another woman in front of the small town police men. She is shaken by what she is seeing in the Buffalo Bill murders but never relents and never gives up. She faces off with Hannibal Lecter, a man would happily carve your cheeks off for dinner and not only survives but earns his respect.
To end this far too long post I'm going to point out two characters in one of my favorite horror films. I'm sure I'll lose some of my "Street Cred" for naming this as a favorite but damn it, Silent Hill scared the crap out of me! It wasn't all terror all the time but the creepy factor was through the roof and the art direction was a thing of grotesque beauty.
Silent Hill is not without its flaws. The dialog is akin to a student play about motherhood. But this movie had not just one but two strong females in it, Rose and Cybil.
Now you can argue that if Rose wasn't such a friggin' bone head by taking her daughter to a haunted town with a constant coal fire burning under it, they wouldn't be in trouble in the first place! But then, if she didn't there would be no story and I wouldn't be writing this about this movie now, would I?
What I liked about Rose was her sheer stubbornness. Her complete and utter uncompromising decision to rescue her daughter. She was a mom on a mission! And if that meant dealing with howling coal midgets, roaches with people faces, and of course, Pyramid Head she would meet each one head on. She had her faults. She was shrill and annoying but I admired her tenacity and love of her daughter.
Cybil was another wonderful female. She also had a stubborn streak and didn't put up with Rose's shit. And trust me, there are times when you wanted to give Rose a sound slap in the face. The defining moment for me with Cybil was the scene near the junk yard when that weird, no faced no armed, acid spitting, God knows what thing was came at the two. The moment it looked dangerous, Cybil brought out the gun and open fired. No screaming "OH MY GOOOOOOD!, no terror, just recoil. And up to her dying breath she was Hell bent on protecting Rose's daughter, even while tied to a ladder and set on fire she was ready to take those cult fuckers on!
I will agree though that no cop has a uniform that tight. Thank God she as a nice ass to pull it off. What a wonderful way to end a mildly feminist article...with me talking about Cybil's ass.
I have a ton of other women in my mind for this but these are the ones I felt strongest writing about. Do you have any you want to share? Lay it on me!
Friday, November 28, 2008
Unhealthy Attractions - BONUS MATERIAL!
I was planning on doing a quick write up on the movie Stir of Echoes today. But there is NO way I can follow up Stac's post with anything remotely interesting. Because now all I'm thinking about is Michael Myers wang and its becoming upsetting. Typing about the movie? Cleaning up the apartment? Giving my husband a sweet kiss on the cheek as he heads to work? All of it shadowed over with the horrible image of gray hulking Halloween peener in my head.
So instead I decided to post BONUS material of the chat Stac and I had about her article below. Maybe it will give you some insight on our beloved Stac's psyche. Or maybe it will just be full of sex jokes. Actually, its just full of sex jokes.
Maybe tomorrow I can post something that won't make me think of Michael Myers one eyed Shattner snake....I wonder if it wears a teeny mask?
On Freddy Kruger:
Stac: Okay, who all do I want to do in the horror pantheon?
Stac: The phantom of the opera, Pinhead, Micheal Myers, for some horrible reason,
Stac: Uhh...
Cins: Freddy?
Stac: Naw. Besides, I'm a tad old for him.
Cins: True. You do have to be at most 15 for him. Oh God, I'm going to Hell.
Stac: Plus, he strikes me as a biter. I'm the biter, dammit!
Cins: He may no longer have a penis either.
Cins: I mean...fire and all.
Stac: And fingering is absolutely out of the question.
Cins: What about with the other hand?
Stac: Would You trust him?
Cins: ...touche.
On Candyman:
Cins: OH! Candyman! Duh!
Cins: I mean come one..Candyman was hot.
Stac: OH!! OH HELL YES!! Thanks!!
Cins: At least his voice was hot. The hook? Looked a bit unsanitary. But maybe you could just make him talk dirty to you for a while.
Cins : Need I point out that most hot horror icons come from Clive Barker?
On Jason Voorhees:
Cins: Jason I think would be too....gooey.
Stac: Think if you did Jason he'd try to machete HIMSELF to death?
On Norman Bates:
Cins: Norman Bates?
Cins: REALLY?
Cins: I'm surprised by that one.
Stac: Yeah, when I was about 10.
Stac: My mother was NOT pleased when I told her that.
Cins: You wanted to have sex with Norman Bates when you were 10 years old....
Cins: I think I just snorted Wine through my nose.
Stac: Well I wanted to kiss him. And cuddle him.
Stac: Naked.
Stac: Tightly
Cins: This explains so much...
On Peloquin from Nightbreed:
Cins: OH Man..Peloquin from Nightbreed...Oh...yeah.
Stac: Fuck, talk about a biter!
Cins: OOOOOOOHH yeah!
Stac: Yeah, I'll put Peloquin on the list.
Cins: You BETTER put him on the list!
Stac: I have, I have! You psycho!
Cins: WHAT?! He's Hot! I mean monsters don't do much for me but COME ON!!!
Stac: Plus his skin hair reminds me of my Willie the Waterbug toy when I was little!
Cins: Oh wow...that's like...really wrong.
On The Title of the Article:
Stac: Okay, what should I call this article, do you think?
Stac: Stupid Urges?
Cins: Unhealthy Attractions.
Stac: BWAHAHAHAH!! PERFECT!
Stac: PART ONE!
Cins: Part ONE?! How many hard ons for freakzoids do you have?!
Stac: I'LL NEVER TELL!
Stac: IN ONE POST!
Stac: I was thinking I'd cover sexy villains in books and stuff, too.
Cins: SO glad no zombies are on that list.....
So instead I decided to post BONUS material of the chat Stac and I had about her article below. Maybe it will give you some insight on our beloved Stac's psyche. Or maybe it will just be full of sex jokes. Actually, its just full of sex jokes.
Maybe tomorrow I can post something that won't make me think of Michael Myers one eyed Shattner snake....I wonder if it wears a teeny mask?
On Freddy Kruger:
Stac: Okay, who all do I want to do in the horror pantheon?
Stac: The phantom of the opera, Pinhead, Micheal Myers, for some horrible reason,
Stac: Uhh...
Cins: Freddy?
Stac: Naw. Besides, I'm a tad old for him.
Cins: True. You do have to be at most 15 for him. Oh God, I'm going to Hell.
Stac: Plus, he strikes me as a biter. I'm the biter, dammit!
Cins: He may no longer have a penis either.
Cins: I mean...fire and all.
Stac: And fingering is absolutely out of the question.
Cins: What about with the other hand?
Stac: Would You trust him?
Cins: ...touche.
On Candyman:
Cins: OH! Candyman! Duh!
Cins: I mean come one..Candyman was hot.
Stac: OH!! OH HELL YES!! Thanks!!
Cins: At least his voice was hot. The hook? Looked a bit unsanitary. But maybe you could just make him talk dirty to you for a while.
Cins : Need I point out that most hot horror icons come from Clive Barker?
On Jason Voorhees:
Cins: Jason I think would be too....gooey.
Stac: Think if you did Jason he'd try to machete HIMSELF to death?
On Norman Bates:
Cins: Norman Bates?
Cins: REALLY?
Cins: I'm surprised by that one.
Stac: Yeah, when I was about 10.
Stac: My mother was NOT pleased when I told her that.
Cins: You wanted to have sex with Norman Bates when you were 10 years old....
Cins: I think I just snorted Wine through my nose.
Stac: Well I wanted to kiss him. And cuddle him.
Stac: Naked.
Stac: Tightly
Cins: This explains so much...
On Peloquin from Nightbreed:
Cins: OH Man..Peloquin from Nightbreed...Oh...yeah.
Stac: Fuck, talk about a biter!
Cins: OOOOOOOHH yeah!
Stac: Yeah, I'll put Peloquin on the list.
Cins: You BETTER put him on the list!
Stac: I have, I have! You psycho!
Cins: WHAT?! He's Hot! I mean monsters don't do much for me but COME ON!!!
Stac: Plus his skin hair reminds me of my Willie the Waterbug toy when I was little!
Cins: Oh wow...that's like...really wrong.
On The Title of the Article:
Stac: Okay, what should I call this article, do you think?
Stac: Stupid Urges?
Cins: Unhealthy Attractions.
Stac: BWAHAHAHAH!! PERFECT!
Stac: PART ONE!
Cins: Part ONE?! How many hard ons for freakzoids do you have?!
Stac: I'LL NEVER TELL!
Stac: IN ONE POST!
Stac: I was thinking I'd cover sexy villains in books and stuff, too.
Cins: SO glad no zombies are on that list.....
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Unhealthy Attractions... PART I.
My libido and I have a love/hate relationship. It loves for me to think about sexy men and get all hot and bothered, and I hate to blush in calculus class.
I have a vivid imagination, and I tend to space out a lot and I'm sure you can see where this is going. So what could be better than making a little post about the mad men who would probably have sex with me and then later skin me and wear my lady bits as a hat?
I have a tendency to love things I probably shouldn't, and this tendency manifested its self early on. My first horror crush? Norman Bates. I was ten. Mother was not pleased.
But look at this face? What's not to love? I would go on to become a scooch obsessed with Norman when I was a preteen, and watched Psycho 4 over and over. And maybe over again.
You know what?
I was trying to write this "tastefully", and I realized how fuckin' stupid that is. This is an article about killer pretend people that I want to bone me; where does subtlety play into this? A warning to those of you who may be feeling a touch of the vapors: I'll probably be getting raunchy ahead.
Next on the list is a certain leader of a group of sadomasochists who live in a tidy wee box.
I'm speaking of course, about Pinhead. I'm not sure of the allure here; I think it's part his obsession for poor Kirsty, and part the frightening balance between pain and sophistication. When he talks you almost believe that he could rip you apart.. and eventually you might come to like it.
Of course, there are downsides to any relationship here. Oral sex would be difficult on my end, and I'm both curious and afraid to find out what else he's hammered nails into. Plus there's the want to rip me to pieces, and the fact that I'm quite firm on not having my skin perforated by hooks and chains. We're just too different; we want different things!
This next one is weird, even by my notorious standards. When I was about twenty, I had never seen any of the Halloween movies. For some reason these movies stayed off of my personal radar, which was good as a kid, since it would have just scared the piss out of me.
So does anyone want to tell me why the FUCK I had a series of bizarrely and startlingly erotic dreams starring your truly and Micheal Myers? Anyone? Anyone? You? You liked your hand was up--no? Yeah, me neither. I haven';t the faintest where this came from, but those dreams made me reeeeeeally happy, and I still get a strange residual twang when I watch these movies. So yeah, I guess I wanna jump Micheal Myers.
I have no idea what brought it on, but apparently it's here to stay.
Tony Todd has a voice that is pure, one hundred percent sex. He could probably get a nun wet by reading a phone book; and I know I'm not alone in this one. The next on my sick little list is, of course, The Candyman. I'm trying to be a tad classy here, and not make comments like "I got some candy for him!". Why? Because I'm a fucking lady, that's why! But seriously. I got some candy-- no, no, I'm stronger that that!
The Candyman is about seduction and obsession. I don't know about guys, but I know most girls have at least one secret fantasy of being the most alluring thing in the universe, the person that is absolute in a translation of need, both sexual and emotional. And the Candyman's seduction of Helen, coupled with that gorgeous, frayed velvet voice, and the promise of something worth being haunted by, is a potent combination for little old me.
The hook is problematic, I'll give you that, but I could tolerate the bees; I like bees. We need honey bees! Fuck I'm really, really sleepy. The turkey is kicking in, please send help, and stuffing. I think I need to wrap this up.
The moral of this post is that my psyche is a nightmarish, glitter-covered place to be. But what if it's not just mine? What if there are more of us out there who feel this way, about something if not this?
Of course, the reality and the fantasy are two entirely separate beasts, and I know that. Stalking is not sexy, and even if the stalker is harmless it's still irritating to have some jackass humping your leg. And I have no desire to become a victim to anyone. So I'll leave the box closed, and I'll never look in the mirror and recite a killer's name. (I actually tried after I saw Candyman for the first time, and my mouth froze up after the fourth time.)
But it's still fun to imagine.
I have a vivid imagination, and I tend to space out a lot and I'm sure you can see where this is going. So what could be better than making a little post about the mad men who would probably have sex with me and then later skin me and wear my lady bits as a hat?
I have a tendency to love things I probably shouldn't, and this tendency manifested its self early on. My first horror crush? Norman Bates. I was ten. Mother was not pleased.
But look at this face? What's not to love? I would go on to become a scooch obsessed with Norman when I was a preteen, and watched Psycho 4 over and over. And maybe over again.
You know what?
I was trying to write this "tastefully", and I realized how fuckin' stupid that is. This is an article about killer pretend people that I want to bone me; where does subtlety play into this? A warning to those of you who may be feeling a touch of the vapors: I'll probably be getting raunchy ahead.
Next on the list is a certain leader of a group of sadomasochists who live in a tidy wee box.
I'm speaking of course, about Pinhead. I'm not sure of the allure here; I think it's part his obsession for poor Kirsty, and part the frightening balance between pain and sophistication. When he talks you almost believe that he could rip you apart.. and eventually you might come to like it.
Of course, there are downsides to any relationship here. Oral sex would be difficult on my end, and I'm both curious and afraid to find out what else he's hammered nails into. Plus there's the want to rip me to pieces, and the fact that I'm quite firm on not having my skin perforated by hooks and chains. We're just too different; we want different things!
This next one is weird, even by my notorious standards. When I was about twenty, I had never seen any of the Halloween movies. For some reason these movies stayed off of my personal radar, which was good as a kid, since it would have just scared the piss out of me.
So does anyone want to tell me why the FUCK I had a series of bizarrely and startlingly erotic dreams starring your truly and Micheal Myers? Anyone? Anyone? You? You liked your hand was up--no? Yeah, me neither. I haven';t the faintest where this came from, but those dreams made me reeeeeeally happy, and I still get a strange residual twang when I watch these movies. So yeah, I guess I wanna jump Micheal Myers.
I have no idea what brought it on, but apparently it's here to stay.
Tony Todd has a voice that is pure, one hundred percent sex. He could probably get a nun wet by reading a phone book; and I know I'm not alone in this one. The next on my sick little list is, of course, The Candyman. I'm trying to be a tad classy here, and not make comments like "I got some candy for him!". Why? Because I'm a fucking lady, that's why! But seriously. I got some candy-- no, no, I'm stronger that that!
The Candyman is about seduction and obsession. I don't know about guys, but I know most girls have at least one secret fantasy of being the most alluring thing in the universe, the person that is absolute in a translation of need, both sexual and emotional. And the Candyman's seduction of Helen, coupled with that gorgeous, frayed velvet voice, and the promise of something worth being haunted by, is a potent combination for little old me.
The hook is problematic, I'll give you that, but I could tolerate the bees; I like bees. We need honey bees! Fuck I'm really, really sleepy. The turkey is kicking in, please send help, and stuffing. I think I need to wrap this up.
The moral of this post is that my psyche is a nightmarish, glitter-covered place to be. But what if it's not just mine? What if there are more of us out there who feel this way, about something if not this?
Of course, the reality and the fantasy are two entirely separate beasts, and I know that. Stalking is not sexy, and even if the stalker is harmless it's still irritating to have some jackass humping your leg. And I have no desire to become a victim to anyone. So I'll leave the box closed, and I'll never look in the mirror and recite a killer's name. (I actually tried after I saw Candyman for the first time, and my mouth froze up after the fourth time.)
But it's still fun to imagine.
The Horror of Stupidity
So the lesson here is: "Don't use a cat condo when you have a steel step ladder in the kitchen, genius!".
This lovely shade of aubergine is about the size of an egg, and hurts like hell.
Avoid the horror: Don't be an idiot like me!
What I am Thankful For-The Creepy Addition
Thanksgiving is a great time for food, family, and being grateful for the gifts they recieved in the last year. Well, for my family it was. For others I'm sure it was a great time for stress, burnt turkey, and your cousin coming out of the closet infront of your redneck Uncle Chuck.
But I digress.
I felt I had a few things to thank the horror genre for giving us and today is a good day to do so.
What Cins is Thankful for:
Clive Barker
Clive Friggin Barker, man. Currently he is my top favorite in my personal Trilogy of Terror (Clive Barker, Wes Craven, and John Carpenter) What sets Mr. Barker apart for me is his elegance in the horror genre. His movies have an elevated feel much akin to the Gothic horror films of the 50's and 60's. I like to call him the master of "Goo. His visuals always have this style of "Goo" to them that no other film maker can capture (much like the Stanley Kubrick boobies. Ever notice that every woman in a Kubrick film has the same type of boobies? Just me? Really?...Nevermind.). His gore is elegant. Seriously. No matter how graphic or gory his scenes become, there is a beauty of it that keeps me watching. I am not a gore hound, but I cannot get enough of Clive Barker gore. If you never seen a Barker film I highly recommend Hellraiser (a Classic), Candyman, and a hidden Gem, Nightbreed.
So thank you Mr. Barker, for giving us a little art with our horror.
Ellen Ripley
I'm thirty two years old...and I want to grow up to be Ellen Ripley.
Ripley was the first female character I ever saw in a SciFi/Horror film who a-did not have massive cleavage and b-survived off her wits and c-Kicked ASS! I'm sure Ripley was not the first but she was the BEST. I saw the first two Alien films in reverse. So when I experienced Ripley coming out in that power armor and demanding "Get Away From Her, You Bitch!" I stood up and shouted 'YES!! YES!!! I WANT TO BE THAT!!"
In retrospect it would he shitty to be Ripley. I rather not be constantly persued by Xenomorphs and subjected to Alien 3. But At the time? Yes. I would have been awesome.
So Thank you Ripley for showing the world that women can kick much ass.
Eli Roth's Thanksgiving
Okay, as a horror blog I felt obligated to post this on Thanksgiving. I think its an Internet law somewhere. I'm not a big fan of Eli Roth's films. I feel they're too much gore, too little heart. But man himself though? I love the guy. He clearly loves horror and has a wicked sense of humor. Example? Pancake boy from Cabin Fever. I have NO clue what that was about but I laughed for about 2 minutes after that.
So when Mr Roth created this hilarious trailer for Grindhouse, I fell a little in love with the bastard. I was eagerly awaiting his trailer movie Trailer Trash which was supposed to come out last August and didn't. I can't seem to find much information about it these days. Hopefully it hasn't been shelved.
Oh well, at least I still have Thanksgiving.
Thank you Eli Roth, for being a wicked little bastard.
Freddy In Space
No, I am NOT sucking up. I truly like this blog. A lot. Freddy In Space has not only inspired Stac and I to open up our wacky corner on the web but also is an endless source of movie reviews, trivia, and rare gems that I've never seen before. John is also a really great and friendly guy. He is always open to discussing movies or whatever on his blog or message board. So Go Read it! Now! Right now! I'll wait. Really.....
FreddyInSpace.BlogSpot.Com
...See? Wasn't That Fun?!
So Thank you John and Freddy In Space for inspiring our silly ramblings and weirdness. Also, thanks for not thinking I'm a stalker. Of course after this paragraph you may think I am now. Sorry about that.
I hope everyone has a great and happy Thanksgiving! Enjoy the Turkey hangover tomorrow!
But I digress.
I felt I had a few things to thank the horror genre for giving us and today is a good day to do so.
What Cins is Thankful for:
Clive Barker
Clive Friggin Barker, man. Currently he is my top favorite in my personal Trilogy of Terror (Clive Barker, Wes Craven, and John Carpenter) What sets Mr. Barker apart for me is his elegance in the horror genre. His movies have an elevated feel much akin to the Gothic horror films of the 50's and 60's. I like to call him the master of "Goo. His visuals always have this style of "Goo" to them that no other film maker can capture (much like the Stanley Kubrick boobies. Ever notice that every woman in a Kubrick film has the same type of boobies? Just me? Really?...Nevermind.). His gore is elegant. Seriously. No matter how graphic or gory his scenes become, there is a beauty of it that keeps me watching. I am not a gore hound, but I cannot get enough of Clive Barker gore. If you never seen a Barker film I highly recommend Hellraiser (a Classic), Candyman, and a hidden Gem, Nightbreed.
So thank you Mr. Barker, for giving us a little art with our horror.
Ellen Ripley
I'm thirty two years old...and I want to grow up to be Ellen Ripley.
Ripley was the first female character I ever saw in a SciFi/Horror film who a-did not have massive cleavage and b-survived off her wits and c-Kicked ASS! I'm sure Ripley was not the first but she was the BEST. I saw the first two Alien films in reverse. So when I experienced Ripley coming out in that power armor and demanding "Get Away From Her, You Bitch!" I stood up and shouted 'YES!! YES!!! I WANT TO BE THAT!!"
In retrospect it would he shitty to be Ripley. I rather not be constantly persued by Xenomorphs and subjected to Alien 3. But At the time? Yes. I would have been awesome.
So Thank you Ripley for showing the world that women can kick much ass.
Eli Roth's Thanksgiving
Okay, as a horror blog I felt obligated to post this on Thanksgiving. I think its an Internet law somewhere. I'm not a big fan of Eli Roth's films. I feel they're too much gore, too little heart. But man himself though? I love the guy. He clearly loves horror and has a wicked sense of humor. Example? Pancake boy from Cabin Fever. I have NO clue what that was about but I laughed for about 2 minutes after that.
So when Mr Roth created this hilarious trailer for Grindhouse, I fell a little in love with the bastard. I was eagerly awaiting his trailer movie Trailer Trash which was supposed to come out last August and didn't. I can't seem to find much information about it these days. Hopefully it hasn't been shelved.
Oh well, at least I still have Thanksgiving.
Thank you Eli Roth, for being a wicked little bastard.
Freddy In Space
No, I am NOT sucking up. I truly like this blog. A lot. Freddy In Space has not only inspired Stac and I to open up our wacky corner on the web but also is an endless source of movie reviews, trivia, and rare gems that I've never seen before. John is also a really great and friendly guy. He is always open to discussing movies or whatever on his blog or message board. So Go Read it! Now! Right now! I'll wait. Really.....
FreddyInSpace.BlogSpot.Com
...See? Wasn't That Fun?!
So Thank you John and Freddy In Space for inspiring our silly ramblings and weirdness. Also, thanks for not thinking I'm a stalker. Of course after this paragraph you may think I am now. Sorry about that.
I hope everyone has a great and happy Thanksgiving! Enjoy the Turkey hangover tomorrow!
Tuuuurkey.
Since today is Thanksgiving I thought I would posit this question:
What do cannibals eat on special occasions? Free range long pig? Veal babies? What?
What do cannibals eat on special occasions? Free range long pig? Veal babies? What?
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Cin's Top 5 Childhood Tramas
So Stac has posted a rather fab article on things that scared her shitless as a child. Well keeping in theme, and since this blog is currently in its infancy, I thought I would follow suit with the subject of childhood. As you can see, Stac has a gift for the written word. She really has a knack for writing about and describing things vividly.
Me?
I make lists.
I typo a lot and I make lists.
In fact I'm a list addict. If you toss me a top ten list chances are I will read it no matter how uninterresting the subject may be. Top ten uses for peanut butter, top ten japanese accountants in outer mongolia....
I have a problem. I will admit it.
So for my kick off post here are the top 5 films and scenes that tramatized me as a child. Any of these ring a bell or make you want to go back to therapy? Read on!
5-That Freaky Boat Ride- Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
Okay...what child WASN'T completely terrfied of this moment? Just about every person I talk to about this movie mentioned how this moment scarred them for life and how Gene Wilder now pops up in their nightmares to this day. Its seems Freddy Kruger and Gene Wilder are top reasons for insomnia. Just seconds before this moment we had a lovely whimsical musical number about imagination while everyone frolicked in the technicolor land of candy and rainbows. Then suddenly you've taken a hard left onto the corner of crack street and LSD avenue. The 60's where a scary time, kids.
4-The Great Owl -The Secret of NIMH
I'm still a big lover of this film. The animation is incredible and the story is wonderful. Its one of the few films that I like better than the book. But during my tender first grade years, this guy haunted my sleep. This ain't no Hedwig the owl, folks. The Great Owl is a creepy old scary bastard! And did you catch his Exorcist head turn there? UGH! I'm 32 years old and that moment still gives me the willies.
3-The Shining Commercial...JUST the Commercial.
My parents love to remind me that at one time I was terrfied of just about anything on the TV when I was a toddler. They still think my love of horror films is a blatant lie to cover up the chicken shit I was when I was a kid. Now, I don't remember this but apparently when I was very little, I would scream whenever any comercial for The Shining came on the tv. Not just a scared kid scream but a primal, blood curdling, help I am being torn apart by wild dogs scream. This caused my parents much in embarassment at many a party and sent them vaulting over furnature and relatives to turn the TV off. Luckily, I grew out of that.
2-The Vomit Monster - Poltergeist 2
I was forced to watch Poltergeist 2 against my will by my cousin who was calling me a chicken. We were around 8 years old at the time. To save face I managed to watch most of it from in between my fingers. But the vomit moster was the last straw and I hid behind the couch for the rest of the movie. Of course, now I can handle just about any horror film that makes my cousin cringe. Who's laughing NOW, Brian?!
You know what? Even as an adult this scene is pretty fucked up.
1-The Watcher in the Woods
I recently rented this movie to see if its as scary as I remember. Its not. But at the time, this was the scariest damn thing I had ever seen! My 6th grade self and my cohort at the time, Lina would watch this movie at night in the dark on the ye olde VCR and squeal in delight on how it made us jump. Now a days its pretty dated and well...kinda lame. It does have some genuinely creepy moments and Betty Davis looking like 50 miles of bad road is pretty off putting. but I would say its best for nostalgia viewing. Here's a trailer.
So there you have it! The beginings of what scared me as a kid. And as you can see, I was a huge chicken shit.
Me?
I make lists.
I typo a lot and I make lists.
In fact I'm a list addict. If you toss me a top ten list chances are I will read it no matter how uninterresting the subject may be. Top ten uses for peanut butter, top ten japanese accountants in outer mongolia....
I have a problem. I will admit it.
So for my kick off post here are the top 5 films and scenes that tramatized me as a child. Any of these ring a bell or make you want to go back to therapy? Read on!
5-That Freaky Boat Ride- Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
Okay...what child WASN'T completely terrfied of this moment? Just about every person I talk to about this movie mentioned how this moment scarred them for life and how Gene Wilder now pops up in their nightmares to this day. Its seems Freddy Kruger and Gene Wilder are top reasons for insomnia. Just seconds before this moment we had a lovely whimsical musical number about imagination while everyone frolicked in the technicolor land of candy and rainbows. Then suddenly you've taken a hard left onto the corner of crack street and LSD avenue. The 60's where a scary time, kids.
4-The Great Owl -The Secret of NIMH
I'm still a big lover of this film. The animation is incredible and the story is wonderful. Its one of the few films that I like better than the book. But during my tender first grade years, this guy haunted my sleep. This ain't no Hedwig the owl, folks. The Great Owl is a creepy old scary bastard! And did you catch his Exorcist head turn there? UGH! I'm 32 years old and that moment still gives me the willies.
3-The Shining Commercial...JUST the Commercial.
My parents love to remind me that at one time I was terrfied of just about anything on the TV when I was a toddler. They still think my love of horror films is a blatant lie to cover up the chicken shit I was when I was a kid. Now, I don't remember this but apparently when I was very little, I would scream whenever any comercial for The Shining came on the tv. Not just a scared kid scream but a primal, blood curdling, help I am being torn apart by wild dogs scream. This caused my parents much in embarassment at many a party and sent them vaulting over furnature and relatives to turn the TV off. Luckily, I grew out of that.
2-The Vomit Monster - Poltergeist 2
I was forced to watch Poltergeist 2 against my will by my cousin who was calling me a chicken. We were around 8 years old at the time. To save face I managed to watch most of it from in between my fingers. But the vomit moster was the last straw and I hid behind the couch for the rest of the movie. Of course, now I can handle just about any horror film that makes my cousin cringe. Who's laughing NOW, Brian?!
You know what? Even as an adult this scene is pretty fucked up.
1-The Watcher in the Woods
I recently rented this movie to see if its as scary as I remember. Its not. But at the time, this was the scariest damn thing I had ever seen! My 6th grade self and my cohort at the time, Lina would watch this movie at night in the dark on the ye olde VCR and squeal in delight on how it made us jump. Now a days its pretty dated and well...kinda lame. It does have some genuinely creepy moments and Betty Davis looking like 50 miles of bad road is pretty off putting. but I would say its best for nostalgia viewing. Here's a trailer.
So there you have it! The beginings of what scared me as a kid. And as you can see, I was a huge chicken shit.
Shit What Scares Me.. PART ONE!
Hey all!
I see Cins made the inaugural post, other than my first test drive. I am Stac, one of your humble hosts here on our delightfully dark corner of the internet.
I think this blog is going to be an interesting experience; for starters, we're both (obviously) female. And not only girls, oh no! We're girlie girls, baby! We're just morbid as well, and have an instinctual understanding and enjoyment of making people uncomfortable. But we might talk about shoes, too. Mmm.. shoes..
So we thought we should each talk about childhood, and the trauma that each of us received during that time. Let's be honest; childhood is a scary, scary place. If you want a book that perfectly encompasses the weird magic and horror that kids go through, I recommend Coraline, written by Neil Gaiman. I know mine was alternately populated with some of the happiest times of my life and some of the worst nightmares I've ever had.
One of my most prominent fears, ironically, was horror movies. I was the master of what I named "the accidental walk-through". I would "accidentally" (on purpose) walk through the living room as my parents or my much older siblings were watching something horrible. For some damn reason I always did this at the worst fucking possible time. Poltergeist in particular comes to mind. I always saw one of two parts: Robbie Freeling getten eaten by the tree and Carol Ann's subsiquent absorbtion by her closet, or the paranormal researcher having the happy fantasy about ripping his damn face off.
I was around Carol Ann's age when I saw this. I'm sure you can imagine my joy at being alone, in the dark, in my room after that. Or being around the t.v when it was set to a dead channel. I didn't actually see Poltergeist all the way through until after I was living on my own. I immediately fell in love, and discovered a lot more to the movie than the scares. It's now one of my favorite movies!
Another childhoood terror was The Blob. I saw that movie, of course, way too young, and my older brother quickly discovered it was an effective way to drive me out of the living room. I know I saw the black and white version (with Steve McQueeen! HA!), but the version that scared me the worst was Son of the Blob, directed, bizarrely, by Larry Hagman.
Master Tony managed to cast a guy who looked horribly like my dad. Watching bright red protoplasm eat your father during your formative years tends to leave a wrinkle; as a result I couldn't sleep with anything red on my bedroom floor for years.
I recently rewatched the 1988 remake of The Blob, starring Kevin Dillon's mullet and Shawnee Smith. It's a good movie. One I absolutely could not comfortably watch. The blob still scares me too badly, it seems. Isn't it weird how some stuff we get over, and other things linger, reminding you of the horrified four year old you once were?
I was also afraid of Freddy, Jason, all of the slasher regimin, but we've since made our peace and become pretty decent friends. The blob and I, however, have absolutely nothing to say to each other.
One last fear, and then I'll wrap, for now. This one is non- movie connected, and didn't actually become a full blown fear until I was a very young teenager.
My grandparents both live in northern California: my paternal set in Arcata, and my maternal grandmother in Eureka. My parents would take us to visit frequently, and I loved the house in Arcata, where my dad's parents still live. It's an old farmhouse, more than a century old now, and I've loved every nook and cranny of it for as long as I can remember. It's old, it creaks, it has a ghost, and it sits on a few acres, with giant cyprus trees backing it, and a walnut tree in the side yard.
But as I got older there was one area that I came to love less and less: the closet under the staircase. It's weird; as a kid I loved that closet. That's where Grandma kept the box of toys for us, and my cousin Micheal, my kid brother T.W and I all loved to play in the back of the closet, which tapers down due to the stairs. It was our hide out, and we even discovered a strange little area that had been wall papered but not dry walled off. (we found it by shredding the old cloth wall paper. Let it never be said that property damage has no benefits.)
The area was weird; we took a flash light in, and it's essentially just the space under the lowest step on the stairs above.It was just big enough for two of the three of us (around nine, eight and seven years in age, respectively) to squeeze in, so long as we were sitting. Why it was blocked off, and in such a half-assed fashion, I have no idea. But I do know that this is when the discomfort started.
I lived with my grandparents when I was fifteen, for a school year. That whole year I lived in mortal dread of that closet. I frequently heard things when I was home alone, but only when I was home alone. The door would never stay caught because a spring in the door knob was broken, so the door would often open its self. There was only one bathroom in the house, and it was downstairs, basically underneath my bedroom. Can you imagine what that does to your bladder when you're creeping through the dark, trying to convince yourself that some jibbering, ribbon-fleshed horror isn't going to suddenly spring out at you, and then hearing the soft click of that damn door opening, just as you walk by? It makes your bladder want to void, that's what!
There are other stories I could tell, like the time as a ten or eleven year old that I saw a strange man looking in the backdoor window at me one night, but this wall of text extends far enough for now. Maybe I'll post those another time? Maybe I'll forget.
I see Cins made the inaugural post, other than my first test drive. I am Stac, one of your humble hosts here on our delightfully dark corner of the internet.
I think this blog is going to be an interesting experience; for starters, we're both (obviously) female. And not only girls, oh no! We're girlie girls, baby! We're just morbid as well, and have an instinctual understanding and enjoyment of making people uncomfortable. But we might talk about shoes, too. Mmm.. shoes..
So we thought we should each talk about childhood, and the trauma that each of us received during that time. Let's be honest; childhood is a scary, scary place. If you want a book that perfectly encompasses the weird magic and horror that kids go through, I recommend Coraline, written by Neil Gaiman. I know mine was alternately populated with some of the happiest times of my life and some of the worst nightmares I've ever had.
One of my most prominent fears, ironically, was horror movies. I was the master of what I named "the accidental walk-through". I would "accidentally" (on purpose) walk through the living room as my parents or my much older siblings were watching something horrible. For some damn reason I always did this at the worst fucking possible time. Poltergeist in particular comes to mind. I always saw one of two parts: Robbie Freeling getten eaten by the tree and Carol Ann's subsiquent absorbtion by her closet, or the paranormal researcher having the happy fantasy about ripping his damn face off.
I was around Carol Ann's age when I saw this. I'm sure you can imagine my joy at being alone, in the dark, in my room after that. Or being around the t.v when it was set to a dead channel. I didn't actually see Poltergeist all the way through until after I was living on my own. I immediately fell in love, and discovered a lot more to the movie than the scares. It's now one of my favorite movies!
Another childhoood terror was The Blob. I saw that movie, of course, way too young, and my older brother quickly discovered it was an effective way to drive me out of the living room. I know I saw the black and white version (with Steve McQueeen! HA!), but the version that scared me the worst was Son of the Blob, directed, bizarrely, by Larry Hagman.
Master Tony managed to cast a guy who looked horribly like my dad. Watching bright red protoplasm eat your father during your formative years tends to leave a wrinkle; as a result I couldn't sleep with anything red on my bedroom floor for years.
I recently rewatched the 1988 remake of The Blob, starring Kevin Dillon's mullet and Shawnee Smith. It's a good movie. One I absolutely could not comfortably watch. The blob still scares me too badly, it seems. Isn't it weird how some stuff we get over, and other things linger, reminding you of the horrified four year old you once were?
I was also afraid of Freddy, Jason, all of the slasher regimin, but we've since made our peace and become pretty decent friends. The blob and I, however, have absolutely nothing to say to each other.
One last fear, and then I'll wrap, for now. This one is non- movie connected, and didn't actually become a full blown fear until I was a very young teenager.
My grandparents both live in northern California: my paternal set in Arcata, and my maternal grandmother in Eureka. My parents would take us to visit frequently, and I loved the house in Arcata, where my dad's parents still live. It's an old farmhouse, more than a century old now, and I've loved every nook and cranny of it for as long as I can remember. It's old, it creaks, it has a ghost, and it sits on a few acres, with giant cyprus trees backing it, and a walnut tree in the side yard.
But as I got older there was one area that I came to love less and less: the closet under the staircase. It's weird; as a kid I loved that closet. That's where Grandma kept the box of toys for us, and my cousin Micheal, my kid brother T.W and I all loved to play in the back of the closet, which tapers down due to the stairs. It was our hide out, and we even discovered a strange little area that had been wall papered but not dry walled off. (we found it by shredding the old cloth wall paper. Let it never be said that property damage has no benefits.)
The area was weird; we took a flash light in, and it's essentially just the space under the lowest step on the stairs above.It was just big enough for two of the three of us (around nine, eight and seven years in age, respectively) to squeeze in, so long as we were sitting. Why it was blocked off, and in such a half-assed fashion, I have no idea. But I do know that this is when the discomfort started.
I lived with my grandparents when I was fifteen, for a school year. That whole year I lived in mortal dread of that closet. I frequently heard things when I was home alone, but only when I was home alone. The door would never stay caught because a spring in the door knob was broken, so the door would often open its self. There was only one bathroom in the house, and it was downstairs, basically underneath my bedroom. Can you imagine what that does to your bladder when you're creeping through the dark, trying to convince yourself that some jibbering, ribbon-fleshed horror isn't going to suddenly spring out at you, and then hearing the soft click of that damn door opening, just as you walk by? It makes your bladder want to void, that's what!
There are other stories I could tell, like the time as a ten or eleven year old that I saw a strange man looking in the backdoor window at me one night, but this wall of text extends far enough for now. Maybe I'll post those another time? Maybe I'll forget.
Welcome to our little corner of insanity!
Hi There! And Welcome to Creepy Kitch! A blog about all things horror and creepy written by yours truly, Cins and Stac, yours...evily.
Stac and I have been old friends for years. One of our bonds? Horror films. We relish the genre and have been reveling in it for quite a few years now. Most of our online, and in person time together is filled with long talks about horror films, ghost and gravestone tours, ghost hunting, and how funny the kids that shop at the Hot Topic store are. The two of us have an appreciation for the creepy, quirky, strange, and macabre that we can talk about for hours and hours...and hours.
After reading posts from the horror blog Freddy In Space (Its awesome! Read it!) we felt inspired to start up our own! While movies will be our main focus, we also plan to touch on other subjects such as creepy products, websites, books, tours, and other fun things that give us the willies. Neither of us are professional writers but we are opinionated bitches and love to share. We hope you all share with us as well!
So stay tuned! We have some wacky, crazy, bloody fun coming your way.
...and I'll make sure that Stacy puts down the chainsaw long enough to write.
CHEERS!
-Cins
Stac and I have been old friends for years. One of our bonds? Horror films. We relish the genre and have been reveling in it for quite a few years now. Most of our online, and in person time together is filled with long talks about horror films, ghost and gravestone tours, ghost hunting, and how funny the kids that shop at the Hot Topic store are. The two of us have an appreciation for the creepy, quirky, strange, and macabre that we can talk about for hours and hours...and hours.
After reading posts from the horror blog Freddy In Space (Its awesome! Read it!) we felt inspired to start up our own! While movies will be our main focus, we also plan to touch on other subjects such as creepy products, websites, books, tours, and other fun things that give us the willies. Neither of us are professional writers but we are opinionated bitches and love to share. We hope you all share with us as well!
So stay tuned! We have some wacky, crazy, bloody fun coming your way.
...and I'll make sure that Stacy puts down the chainsaw long enough to write.
CHEERS!
-Cins
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
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