How.. Fortuitous.

You uh, know what tonight is?

Do you?

It's the........

.........

.................................... EQUINOX!!!!!

Creepy Kitch Episode 7: WTF?!

Its up!
Creepy Kitch Episode 7: WTF!!
This episode we discuss the strangest freakin' movies ever made The Sinful Dwarf and Equinox!
We also talk about why we love romance novels, why Gone with the Wind rules/sucks, as well as the weekly Fuck Off.
We also want to ONCE AGAIN thank our Gare-Bear for editing this episode yet again. All Hail the Gare-Bear!
This folks..is a banner episode.
Seriously.

Listen Up!

Preview: Episode 7 - WTF?!

Coming soon...as in VERY soon.
As in we already recorded it and we're just waiting to get it back from Gare-Bear.
Creepy Kitch Episode 7 - WTF?!

Seriously, Stac and I review two of the WEIRDEST FRIGGIN' MOVIES EVER!!!

We will be reviewing 1973's The Sinful Dwarf.


And our long running inside joke 1970's EQUINOX!


This one...is going to be epic.

Keepin' Ya'll in the Loop!

In case anyone is wondering what the hell is going on...

The last two posts are referring to this one right here. Stac and I decided to challenge each other to watch more movies. And for an added touch of spice, we're assigning each other a film. I figure it will probably work like this:

• We declare a theme and toss out a film
• Watch said film with certain things too look for (theme, Easter eggs, how to watch it)
• We review said film on the blog
• Hilarity ensues

If anything, this will keep us busy for a while, not to mention introduce us both to movies we have not seen. This week I beat Stac to the punch and declared it black and white week...If Stac beats me to the punch next week then she gets to call the theme.

This is all pretty much a big elaborate way for Stac and I to both post more and to fuck with each other. We will still post our random weird articles of course, but hopefully this will shake things up a bit.

Either way, I hope you enjoy!

Bad Acting!

So its apparently Monsoon season here on the west coast. And do you know what I like to do on cold stormy days? I like to surf youtube and watch horrifically bad scenes from horror films.

Yes, whenever I am down or things feel gloomy,shitty acting always brightens my day....not that the gloomy weather is depressing me. I actually love it. I'm just looking for an excuse to watch some schlock.

AND I'm going to share it with you! WOOO!

Here are some of my favorite bad scenes from crappy horror films:

Silent Night Deadly Night 2 -Garbage Day!

We all know this one...It never ceases to baffle the hell out of me.

Troll 2 - OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!

Someone needs to give this kid an Oscar. Not only for his fine line delivery but also for how he doesn't even seem to realize there's a GIANT FLY on his forehead. That's real folks....Real.

Shark Attack 3 - I'm really wired..

Seriously...this WORKED? His cock must be huge.

The Wicker Man - Bear Suit Boxing.
Just...watch...seriously...This is pure awesome.

Grotesque - ACTING!!

I have no idea if this movie was a horror film. I assumed so because of the title and it has Linda Blair in it. Regardless, this clip has some of the best...and I mean THE BEST scenery chewing I have ever scene. You can see the veins popping out on the lead thug's neck. He looks like one of those squeezy stress toys every time he speaks. BEAUTIFUL!

And there it is...ENJOY!

Happy New Year- A Challenge to the Creepy Kitch Girls? Perhaps?

The new year is upon us! More creepy shit awaits! And Stac has proved to us that she is indeed alive and NOT held up in a bunker wearing a ski mask and torturing men for money.
...or IS she?

Anyways, I figured I'd toss out this friendly challenge to my partner in crime, Stac...which I hope she will take...if for anything for comedy's sake. In an attempt to keep us short attention spanned ladies going on the blog front I've decided to do a horror film a week to review on the blog. This is mostly because I realized how many dang movies I've missed lately. And I'm hoping that maybe, JUST maybe Stac will be willing to join me on this.

I also want to put a proposal out to Stac...which I will probably regret as soon as I say it....I think we should pick out each other's films.

So Stac...you up to this?

Or will these be our faces after we deside this is a good idea?

Also, dear awesome readers from the interwebs, do you have any films you'd recommend to us? I'm looking for some good ones so lay 'em on me!

Also, after a little more discussion time, Stac and I may or may not have some interesting and exciting news about the future of this blog. It all depends on if we are slackers or not in 2010.

Happy New Year, All!

Holiday Recap and One Creepy Question

I am a bad blogger. Absolutely rotten. I had almost a month off, and what did I do? Absolutely nothing, that's what, and it was GLORIOUS. Actually, that's not true; I reread Peter Straub's Ghost Story, one of the best books of the supernatural ever written, in my humble opinion, and played My Sims on my DS.

I also, for the first time ever, drank in the new year, and got my first piercing since my earlobes. Getting my ears pierced was my fifth birthday present, so for Christmas this year one of my nieces paid to get my conch pierced! I felt pretty fuckin' hardcore, I must confess. Nothing scarier than a 32 year old with delusions, huh?

Now for the creepy question! When I was very small I caught part of a program that my parents watched pretty regularly, I think. This I assume was the Halloween episode, and there was someone murdering patients at a hospital. At one point a nurse was giving a suspicious patient something in a prescription bottle; it was revealed to be jelly beans (that right there would have been proof of guilt in my opinion-- this was years before Jelly Belly, and all other forms of jelly beans are terrible). At some point the good guys go to consult some psychic woman who, for some damn reason, used a puppet as her medium of communication. This whole scene was SO UPSETTING. The puppet looks in recollection like a mash up of Madam and Miss Piggy.

+

=


?

?

?

?

?

?!

At some point during the questioning the puppet thing flips OUT and its eyes start to glow and the lights go out. Eventually the killer is caught after trying to kill someone by strapping their arms down and putting an air bubble in the patient's IV drip.

Does this ring a bell with anyone? I'd really like to put a name to this horror, and watch it again, so any help you can give me with the my brain worms would be most appreciated! Tell us any answers you have, or just about how your holiday was, if so inclined!

Halloween Movie Madness Week 2! - Night of the Demons

Let us go back in time.

Let us go back in time to the glorious era when hair was large, eyeliner was considered macho, and boobs had not become %100 fake yet.
Yes dear reader, I am speaking of, the 80's.

Night of the Demons is an old school film I saw years and years ago when I began my decent into the horror movie world. I spotted it on FEARnet on demand last night and in a wave of nostalgia I ordered the sucker up. This movie is perfect Drunken Horror Movie Night fodder. And if you have not seen this cheesy gem you have no idea what you are missing!

In typical bad 80's horror movie tradition, the plot of this sucker is paper thin. The usual group of slutty teenage girls (and their virginal friend) and extremely obnoxious douche bag boyfriends (and the token black guy) all have a party in a demon possessed house. The rest I'm sure you can figure out. I love this movie purely for the fact that it has no shame. I truly believe the makers of this film knew they were going to make something cheesy and sleazy and said "Fuck the public! This is going to be epic!" And I assure you it was epic. Maybe not in a good way, but it was epic.

This movie has it all, kills, possession, tits, and extremely bad dancing. Seriously, the teenagers dance like the Peanuts gang if they were all goth. You can hear the Charlie Brown theme in your head as they dance the night away. It also has probably they most awesomely bad line in the world involving two convenient store clerks and sour balls.

And then there's Stooge.

The pig on the right...awwwww yeah.

How natural selection passed over this fine specimen is beyond my knowledge. Stooge is the father of all douche bags. All other douche bags after him were probably reproduced from his back hair when someone spilled water on him. His douche baggery is on an epic scale.

Hey Ladies, he's not single but he does screw around.

Don't you want to break off a piece of Stooge?

But you know what it has that is a wow factor I have never EVER seen in another horror film before? Brace yourselves.

It has a nipple that absorbs an entire tube of lip stick.

Let me repeat that.

This movie has a nipple that absorbs an entire tube of lip stick.

I think that sentence speaks for itself.
EQUINOX!!!

Once again, this film is far from a masterpiece. But if you love cheesy films and some hilariously bad acting go, nay, RUN to the Netflix and add Night of the Demons to your cue!

Discussion Time! "People Are Strange..."

I always like trying to open up discussions on the blog here. Honestly, the best stories I hear tend to come from horror fans. Maybe its the ability to see past the norm. Maybe its because we all see the macabre in the mundane....maybe its because we're all sick sons of bitches...
I'm betting on the third.
Regardless, I hear some of the best stories on horror blogs and horror forums.So I decided to open the flood gates today and talk about "Weird People". And I'm sure all of us have had our encounters with them. Now far be it from me to judge what is weird and what is not. I'm hardly the epitome of normalcy here. And I'm pretty tolerant of the strange an unusual. I grew up in the San Fransisco area where the guy with twenty neck piercings was a buddy of mine. But there are those people, those "weird people" who even set my teeth on edge and make me wonder what exactly goes on in their basement. That one person who won't stop staring at you or telling you at great length about their stabbing bunnies in the throat hobby.

So the question to the masses is; what was your encounter with a "weird person"?

I have had several.

As I stated many entries ago, there's a vast difference between what weirdness Stac attracts and what weirdness I attract. While Stac seems to attract supernatural forces such as ghosts, I do not. I'm actually a supernatural black hole of boring. This is because the spirit world thinks I'm dull and annoying I'm sure. So if you do have a haunting issue just invite me in your house a few days. Chances are any spirits you have will leave for more exciting venues after a weekend with me.
In exchange for this gift of supernatural negating, I have become fly paper for freaks. Living, breathing, freaks. I think its a pheromone I let off. And frankly, I rather have the supernatural on my tail because living people tend to scare me more. My freak magnet developed right around puberty much like heroes in novels, movies, and comic books who develop their mutant power. I really believe that this "power" is directly related to breast growth rate. So at one time, I was a sweet young innocent lady. But my freak magnet over the years has turned me into a smart mouthed mistrusting bitch hag....well actually not really ONLY my freak magnet but it would make a good back story for a comic, wouldn't it?
But enough about my scientific theories. On to the freak show!

As an adult I've learned to accept the magnet and live with it. My poker face is impeccable. Ask Stac. She has witnessed the poker face on several occasions. This comes in handy at work. My job is more or less receptionist with many other little tasks involved. I sit at a large desk in a huge lobby and I greet people, answer phones, sell tickets, collect packages, etc. etc. We do have security...which is nowhere near my desk so a girl has to be resourceful (I.E. pepper spray in the top drawer). I work in a up scale area so the majority of the people I deal with are rich folks with LOTS of entitlement issues. But every once in a while I get a gem or two.

Case 1: Cult Lady
Cult Lady was briefly mentioned in my entry about Carrie. She started out normal enough. A small framed woman with frizzy hair and big eyes. She asked for some info and admission prices which I cheerfully told her about. She attempted to convince me to give her free admission because "It was the right thing to do". But I told her not a snowball's chance in Hell in the most diplomatic way possible. She backed off after a while but remained in the lobby staring at me with those big eyes. those big CRAZY eyes. I could feel them boring into my skull as this way too wide smile practically split her face in two. I ignored her for the most part. After about 10 minutes she came up to my desk to let me know that I must have a kind soul and kind souls should be rewarded. I just sort of blinked and responded with the ever eloquent "...kay?" She then proceeded to whip out a DVD from her purse, hands trembling and place it in my own, her crazy eyes all a glow with excitement and glee. And in a low shaking voice she muttered...
"You will watch this. Watch this and it will CHANGE your life! And soon you will be wanting to join me and my friends!"
I was expecting her to cackle manically afterwards but she just turned and skipped on out. I placed the DVD in a drawer afraid it would emit cosmic zombie cult waves at me. And there it stayed for about a week or two. Flash forward. My co worker who takes over on the weekends said that a guest with frizzy hair and crazy eyes came by a couple times looking for me. Apparently Cult Lady dropped by work more than once to talk to me again. And for two weeks I managed to avoid her. But she did finally catch me. All smiles she approached the desk and eagerly asked
"So, did you watch it? Are you ready? Are you ready to come with us?"
I blinked then smiled one of those smiles that don't quite touch the eyes and replied 'I'm sorry, I'm just not interested. But thank you for the offer"...on the inside I was screaming "FUCK OFF CRAZY CULT LADY! OH GOD DON"T TOUCH ME WITH YOUR CREEPY COSMIC WAVES! AHHHH!"
Cult Lady frowned and demanded I give her the DVD back. She had other people to brain wash. Unfortunately one of my co-workers found it and shipped it off to lost and found aka no man's land. I really thought Cult Lady was going to dive over the desk and bite a chunk out of my neck. Instead she just walked off. This happened about a year ago, but I'm waiting for her to come back.

Case 2: Painting Guy
This is a shorter story but one that is weird none the less. Painting Guy has also become a regular occurrence at my place of work popping up right around the beginning of the holidays. He's like the ground hog. Painter Guy is here, winter must be coming. Painter Guy is a huge hulking figure of a man. He walks hunched over and has blond hair fashioned into a bowl cut. I think he has an under bite. I never got THAT good of a look at him. At the beginning of the Holiday season, Painter Guy appears like a homeless homicidal Santa. He walks up and down the block in front of our establishment with a HUGE painting under his arm. And he paces the front of the building for about an hour or two holding this giant painting up. Now this painting looks like something that would come from a prison art therapy session. Its yellow and splattered with red and comprised of screaming faces in agony all rather primitively painted. The painting looks like how one would feel after a car wreck or if you were a mentally disturbed eight year old child. Maybe that's what the painting is about? I don't know. I never asked. He never comes into the building. Occasionally he'll stop at the window by my desk and stare at me for a minute or two, holding the screaming painting of evil in front of him like a warning...or a beacon. I used to ignore him but now I just smile and wave. Because after I acknowledge him, he moves away from the window and goes back to pacing. At one time security went out to him just to ask what he may need. His response was "I'M LEAVING YOU FASCIST MOTHER FUCKERS! BUT I'LL BE BACK!"
Painting Guy is the soul reason I bring a camera to work everyday. I'm really hoping to catch him on film. Unfortunately its like trying to get a photo of Bigfoot or a UFO.


So there are a few encounters of mine. What about you?Please share....I don't want to be the only freak magnet on the interwebs.

Your Pain Delights Me.

Sadly, I have returned from San Diego. I am no wiser, but I AM significantly browner, and my life was changed, changed forever by the glory of...

... EQUINOX!

I also got to inflict not one, but TWO absolutely terrible movies on Cins AND Tanya, who's not even a horror fan. She was just there for the booty. Part of that might be a lie. It was payback for REC, which scared me SO. VERY. BADLY. SO I got her to watch A Nightmare on Elm Street part 2, which we have dubbed Freddy's House of Angry Penetration, and That is One Angry Homo, a line compliments of the Death Race remake. Which I loved. And will probably own.

..DAMN YOU, MAX!

Seeing the looks on Tanya's and Cins' faces may be something that warms my black, withered heart for the rest if my days. Especially after the coach was pelted by balls and then butt-whipped then penetrated to death by Freddy. Dear GRACE I love this movie! Both turned on ME for an explanation, like there was one to even remotely be had, and that I would magically be the one to have it. The confusion is part of the fun!

Then I made them watch Ghoulies 4, a movie that I fuckin' LOVE. I am ALONE in my love however, and Cins was disturbed when I admitted that I found the lead actor attractive. I regret nothing! That DVD cost me a whopping $2.50, and Tanya believes I was over-charged. I informed her that she was a philistine with no appreciation for truly fine cheese. We agreed to disagree (but she's still wrong).

We also visited a cemetery in Old Town and got some interesting experiences from that, but that'll probably be a post all on it's own. It was really strange, and oddly touching, in a weird way.

We (meaning I) also got plowed at Baja Betty's, a wonderful local restaurant/ watering hole, and created, amongst other horrors, an air-tight duck. Think real hard about what that means.

Over all it was an excellent trip, and I got to see some of my favorite people! I also got exposed by the ocean, repeatedly, and FINALLY got to go on the Tower of Terror ride at California Adventures!

We also had a great time telling spooky stories we had either heard or experienced, and Tanya and I tromped all over Cins and Max's neighborhood. There were a lot of Tom of Finland books in local shops. We giggled.

... EQUINOX!!!!

EQUINOX!!!!

So the convergence has ended. A good time was had by all. And if anything, the convergence has left us with this beautiful BEAUTIFUL thing...

EQUINOX!

EQUINOX!!!!!

Its like an angel came down and kissed this movie trailer upon us. For we have fallen in love with it. It appears to be a horror film about everything and nothing. What is this movie about? I have no fucking clue. But who cares! For it is the wonder called:

EQUINOX!!

We loved this trailer so much that it became ingrained in our vocabulary the entire week. So now whenever Stac and I encounter something that completely defies explanation we throw are arms asunder and bellow in loud voices:

"EQUINOX!!!"

Because we loved this trailer so much we even did our own reenactment of the film:


What does that photo mean? No fucking clue. Much like:

EQUINOX!!

Next convergence we will see this movie. OH YES we shall.

EQUINOX!!