Creepy Kitch Episode6: Cult Films

At Long Last!
Creepy Kitch Episode 6: Cult Movies!
This Episode we discuss the movies Peeping Tom and Spider Baby. We also touch on the usual weekly fuck off as well as discuss other...weird...girl crap.
Special thanks to Gary to editing this episode. Bow down to him! You can actually HEAR us this episode!

Listen Up! WOOO!

Did You Know That If You Pee Hard Enough You Can Fly?

Or so I learned a few nights ago! I had always suspected a corollary between force of urine stream and the ability to hover, and my theory was proven. I'll present my paper to MENSA next week. Wanna know how I learned? No? Too damn bad, it's my blog, not yours. SO READ ON, FEARLESS.. UM, READER!

I had some friends come into town a few days ago-- the parents of my goddaughter, in fact (known by me as The Bean). Since Kari (the mommy) is from the 'Burg, she comes to visit her mother quite often, and we usually hang out one night while they're in town. They lure me with promises of Thai food, and we swap gossip and amusement for a few hours.

At the moment, my front door is jacked up, compliments of one of my nieces who went all She- Hulk Smash on it, so until I can afford to repair it, it's kept shut and locked, and I use the back door as my primary entrance/exit. My yard is horseshoe shaped, and I have a little forest of mature pine trees all over. So even in daylight it stays dim and cool in my yard, and at night there is little ambient light even if there's a full moon out. It's not really a problem though, as the path around my house is clear, and there are motion lights at both front and back door. The only place it's really dark is at the bottom of the horseshoe shape, but like I said, it's a an unblocked path way.

So what in the HELL was the cold, smooth thing that pressed against my right calf as I was sashaying to the door, thinking my usual filthy thoughts?

Now, I am usually in possession of a moderately rational side. I am extremely prone to flights of imagination, as Cins can attest, but if there is a reasonable answer for something I'm usually capable of finding it. I have NO IDEA what touched my leg, but let me promise you this: a mystery touch in total darkness is as bad if not WORSE than something touching you under water (unless you're swimming at night-- that's worse). I squealed and did not know I was running until I was at my back door and the motion light came on. I slammed my key in the lock and was inside with the dead bolt thrown in, I'd conservatively guess, one half second.

It was a lot like this, but with a kicky hair cut and pad thai left overs.

I was so spooked that I found I couldn't pee unless the bathroom window (which is near that corner though it does not actually over look it) was firmly closed.

Did I bolster my nerves, grab a flash light and a base ball bat and go out and look? Fuck no! Do I look stupid?! At worst it was some tiny, gibbering monstrosity that goes around pressing cold glass bottles against unsuspecting legs, at best it was a skunk, and either damn way, I lose in that equation!

I think I ran before he could get his teeth in.

I went and looked the next day, but there was, as expected, nothing there. There is literally nothing but the flat, pine needle-laden path, and the side of my house. I've since, several times, walked that path at night, and have been thankfully unfondled. I've resisted the urge to run it, but just barely, and that's more because I hate to run than anything else.

I've creeped myself out typing this, and I think I need a drink. Why do you make me do these things to myself, blog? Why??

Hooray! A happy ending after all!

An Unpleasant Way to Wake Up

When I was 14 years old I went to live with my paternal grandparents in Arcata, California, smack in the middle of Humbolt County. I may very well have been the only teen to live there who would never smoke pot. My grandparents' house is very old: though now in the middle of Arcata proper, when they bought it back in the late 1950's it was still surrounded by farm land. As a product of originally agricultural origin, it is a large, two story farm house, replete with quaint and occasionally bizarre architecture. I love this house; I have always loved this house. It was one of my favorite places to be when I was small, and the setting only contributes to how the house has held me charmed over the years. There is no front or back yard, instead two sprawling areas on either side of the house. The front in the street the house sits on, the back is the wild, brambly slope that lead down into the Bottoms area of Arcata, named by some distant cousin "The Barrens", I assume after the wild play land frequently described in Stephen King's fictional (and often evil) town of Derry, Maine. At the back of the house are some of the tallest cypress trees in the area, visible for miles around. All of this worked together to concoct some alchemy for me; it is a place I will remember with love for the entirety of my life.

But, like any decent old house, there's a ghost. Her name is Leticia, and she lives in the attic. My grandmother invented her to keep all of us from playing upstairs when we were small-- my grandparents' house is antiques-laden, and she didn't trust us around them alone. For as long as I can remember, there has been a painting hanging by the staircase, a reproduction of Rembrandt's Girl At An Open Half Door. We were told that painting was a picture of the resident ghost.

Meet Leticia. She lives in the attic.

We were never told she was mean or evil, simply that she slept during the day, and as a result we needed to play downstairs or preferable outside so we didn't wake her. When I was little I accepted this as fact and never questioned it. That we would occasionally hear upstairs movement in a house that projected every footstep only cemented this concept. When I was older, I would learn that, though my grandmother had invented Letitia, she had merely given a name to something that was already there. Leticia was not invention; Leticia is fact.

Most of my observations were small things, and some events were unquestionably the result of a very imaginative teenager living in a house with some serious, serious ambiance. The hallway up to my room still has the wall paper original to the house-- and it's been falling apart as long as I've been alive. Turns out wall paper tends to do that past the century mark.

Leticia's room is just at the top. Mine was just next to it. I have fallen down these stairs so. Many. Times.

On these stairs I would frequently leave my folded laundry, to take upstairs with me when I next went up (this drove my grandmother APE SHIT which was a big reason for why I kept doing it. The other prominent reason was that I am deeply, deeply lazy.). I usually put the pile o' clean clothes on the third step, as it was exactly hip-height on my frame. Sometimes, when I was home alone and had been all along, I would notice that my clothes had moved from the 3rd step to the 4th or 5th, and once or twice down to the 2nd. A few times I'm almost sure that my clothes were put upstairs on my bed, and I couldn't actually remember taking them up there, though that could easily just be inattentiveness on my part.

But the weirdest thing that occurred during my brief habitation there happened one Sunday morning when the house was full of family. My grandmother liked to have a big family breakfast on Sundays. Various aunts, uncles, and cousin would come, and eat a huge meal. At 8 am. As a truly devoted night owl who profoundly hates getting up before 10 am, this quickly became something that I slept through, which of course pissed Grandma off (I learned during this year that I had a knack for that).

One Sunday I awoke in a startle, ready to holler because someone had been in my room, staring at me. This is a pet peeve of mine-- I really dislike people looking at me while I'm sleeping. I was certain my very young cousins had been in my room again, and like most fifteen year olds I was less than excited by the thought of baby cousins taking off with my shit. I knew someone had just seconds before been looking at me; my door was not just open (I slept with it closed) but it was still swinging from the touch of whomever had just been there. Scrabbling for my glasses I climbed out of bed and went looking for the culprit to yell at them.

I was certain I would catch a rugrat or two just outside my door as I had heard no one go down the stairs just outside my door. This house is so old and creaky that you can literally hear every footstep a person makes. You can hear it so clearly you can also usually tell what room they're going into. You could hear it best when you were downstairs and whomever was upstairs, but even when I was upstairs I could hear a person walking downstairs. So there is no way in hell a 5 year old and a 3 year old could have gone scampering down the stairs without me hearing every footfall. Other than my swearing and the creaking of my bedroom door, there had been silence upstairs in the few seconds since I awoke.

Just to be sure, I went downstairs. Maybe I had been so confused when I woke that I had missed the sounds of fleeing feet. But when I went grumpily down I learned quickly that my young cousins had not come that Sunday. So I asked my grandmother, who was cleaning up, if she had come and looked into my room, perhaps to glare at me for choosing sweet sleep over an early morning calorie load. Grandma was pissed at me when I went over to ask her-- no shock there, as she was usually pissed off at me all day on Sundays due to my accursed resistance to the Borg. I mean family time. Today was no difference. When I asked her if she'd just been upstairs, she snappily told me that of course not, and then went off on her usual diatribe about how she would never violate my privacy by going in my room, blah blah blah. Hilariously, this was a lie-- she would never go into my room, she would just stand at the door way and snoop, and then yell at me later for my admittedly slovenly ways. So that really wasn't an out of the way question.

She then rounded on me, and very angrily said "And I don't appreciate you treating my house that way!" I stared blankly at her; I had apparently wandered into the country of Non Sequitur. When I asked her what the hell she was rambling about, she told me that everyone at the table heard me get up, walk down to the hallway, and then RUN down the hall, into my room, onto my bed. They then heard me do this three more times. The problem with this? I had done no such thing. I'm certain I wasn't sleep walking, either, because I have never gone sleep walking in my life; I had been deeply asleep, and had not moved for some time when I awoke. I am sure of this because I could feel the need to stretch, badly, when I awoke, my pulse was also slow and my breathing calm. Finally, I'm an asthmatic; I would have known if I had been running, because I would have had an asthma attack as a result.

But everyone had heard "me", not just my grandmother. And when I asked everyone else if they had been in my room, I got a negative in reply. I don't think anyone was lying, because none of them had previously expressed any interest in my room at all (other than Grandma's afore mentioned occasional excursion, and that she only did when I wasn't home). Added to this was the fact that until a few months later, I was the only (living) person who inhabited the second floor.

It wasn't a frightening or cruel experience, it was just a weird one. The impression I get now was that I was being admonished to get up, because I was missing breakfast and family time. My grandmother does not to this day believe there has ever been any presence in her house; she doesn't believe in ghosts at all. Grandpa has never said what he thinks either way, but he's pretty taciturn by nature. But the feeling I get, and I've generally learned to trust feelings like these, is that my grandmother simply gave a name and face to something that was already there, something benevolent and lonely. Leticia is who she is now, and I think she's fine with that name. Whomever she was in life I have no idea, but now she's the girl in the half-door, and she lives in the attic.

Episode 6 Preview: Cult Movies

Unfortunately our last couple of minutes were cut off from Episode 5 so you never got a chance to hear what our next episode will be.

Well wonder no longer!

Episode 6: Cult Movies!

Stac and I venture into the world of weird old movies that have achieved cult Status. We're off to the swingin' sixties!

We'll be watching the black and white 1968 "classic" Spider Baby. This one is a favorite of Stac's.

Check out the Trailer!

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We'll also be checking out the notorious 1960's film the destroyed many a career Peeping Tom. Neither of us have seen this one so it should be a treat!

Aaaand here's the Trailer!

Keep on listening, folks!

Creepy Kitch Episode 5: Listeners' Choice

We Back Bitches!
Sorry about the long Hiatus. But Episode 5 is finally in the can!...or computer..or whatever.
ANYWAYS it's listener's choice this episode! We discuss our thoughts on City of the Living Dead (Our FIRST Fulci film!) and Flight of the Living Dead.
And as usual, our weekly fuck off as well as horror crush of the week.
...as well as rambling about nothing. Like we do.
Unfortunately our last few seconds were cut off, but the reviews are intact.

Listen Here!

Bonus Material: EQUINOX!!

Creepy Crafts

Just a few more days and Cins and I should FINALLY be able to get episode five out! I hope everyone is still sticking with us, and would like to mention that this hiatus is ENTIRELY my fault.

This is the time of year where I start to get dreamy, and find myself thoughts drifting of their own accord to my favorite time of year which is, of course, Halloween. According to one of my favorite websites, Halloween is Here, spooky times are only 123 days away as of this posting. Hell, by the end of next month we'll be seeing Trick or Treat candy in stores! And personally, I LOVE it.

So this seemed like the ideal time to share the accidental Halloween craft I ended up doing for a loved one. One of my nephews is still very small, and he has developed a deep and profound love affair with his two Care Bears, Harmony Bear and Funshine Bear. While at my house he was rooting through my eBay stuff, and stumbled across some Care Bear accoutrements I had forgotten I possessed. He found a dress for the same-sized CBs he has, as well as a sleeping bag and a pillow, also the perfect size. He immediately claimed them as his own, and I gave them to him, wondering how hard his dad was going to let me have it when he discovered I'd given his son a dress to play with. (As it turns out, my brother took it all in stride, and just rolls his eyes when he sees it.)

After discovering that these items were several years old and therefore unlikely to be found at our local Fred Meyer's (Kroger's to all on the East coast), I was press-ganged into making him a duplicate of each item. How this became a Halloween craft lays in my cloth inventory: almost all of my fabric stash is Halloween themed because a: I'm planning on making myself an All Hallow's quilt, and b: I just really fucking like Halloween.

The Tiny Terror picked the fabric he liked which I immediately nay-sayed; he picked purple fabric for a purple bear. He got black instead. I will sew for him, I will not offend my own aesthetics for him! Plus he was fine with the black.

Here are the pleats pinned into place. I stabbed the shit out of myself several times doing this, and two of my nephews kept taking off with my pin cushion; apparently that was the coolest fake tomato-and-strawberry combo that ever was.

Anyone who has ever had to hand stitch pleats will understand my frustration. Normally with a machine you pin your pleats and then zip a line as fast as fucking possible, but my machine has apparently been watching The Exorcist a lot and getting ideas; at the moment it just turns into a hell-mouth and bites at me whenever I try to use it.

Here the pleats and hem have been poorly sewn. He's six, he doesn't give a crap.

I was SO glad to be finished with those pleats. Small hands kept trying to "help" and subsequently the pins would slip. I may have flipped off the skirt after I had it all sewn. Hard. Like, the ligaments in my finger hurt afterward.

Waistband attached. Not sure why a bear with no waist needs one, but hey, I'm just the seamstress.

This part was fairly easy once I got everything folded and pinned. I am fortunate in that I have nimble fingers, and also that I have about a bajillion pins and would gleefully pin shit into submission, then taunt it.

This looks so flirty, especially for a Care Bear.

Here the straps that will become the sleeves are attached the the apron front. The other dress has little ruffled cap sleeves attached to the straps, but I was suddenly struck with the notion that I would have to hem on a curve and then pleat AGAIN, then attach, and I decided it was now more of a sundress. Harmony Bear needed some vitamin D. "D" for "Don't do that to yourself".

TA-DAAA!

And there's the finished product. I have to admit that it was gratifying to succeed in this; I have never taken a proper sewing class, and did this dress by eyeballing it, as patterns both frustrate and intimidate me (I don't know how to do darts). Fortunately, I'm very good at taking things apart in my head, so I just reduced the simple design of the dress down to shapes and ended up with my own variation. To date I still need to attach a pocket, but over all, I consider it done. The Tiny Terror loves the dress, and really, that's all that matters, right? Plus, I have to be honest: little boys playing with Care Bears is adorable, and there's not a damn thing wrong with it.

So there's my post on how I made a creepy dress for a Care Bear! Aren't you glad you read that? Do you feel like a better, stronger person? Do you feel that YOU TOO could make dresses for small relations, regardless of gender? Then POST PICTURES, fool!

Creepy Crap For Sale

Not literally. I think eBay frowns on people trying to move bio-hazardous materials through their auction site.

I'm selling some stuff to help address my real-life problems as described by my delightful partner in crime, one post below. If you guys would be nice enough to take a look and see if there's anything you like there (or pass on the link if you know someone else who might like this) I would really, REALLY appreciate it. There's a melange of stuff though I only have 8 items up at the mo, but more, and a lot of it Halloween related, will go up tomorrow.

Stac's ebay junk

Thanks guys, and thanks for bearing with me!