Family Pain

Just a quick note: Next podcast ep is supposed to be viewer's choice. So send us your choices! Got something absolutely AWFUL? Got something that hurt you so bad you want someone else to hurt with you? Found a hidden gem? Got a guilty pleasure? GIMME, FUCKERS!

So Cins is off playing pirate for the next week, and I have been left to keep the cobwebs if not cleared out then at least festively sprayed with glitter. I was listening to the fine lads over at Drunken Zombie talk about Hitchcock's Psycho, and my own family's recurring trauma sprung back to life in my brain pan.

The first story is not Hitchcock-specific, but it was something that plagued my whole family. That plague was my father, Steven. Or as I call him, Dad. Dad everyonce in a while decides that some family member's pulse is faaaaaar too calm, and he tries to find some way to terrorize that person. His favorite attack point? The bathroom. His favorite place to get you? The shower. He scared me so damn many times that now, in my early thirties, I still have to open the shower curtain and occasionally peer nervously around for a lurking figure with mania on his mind. To show the true depth of this trauma: I haven't lived with my parents since I was 14. Some scars run deep. To exacerbate it, I'm a screamer, so many was the time I'd be a small child, laying down in the tub, washing my hair, only to open my eyes and see my father's face, mere inches from mine, staring. I screamed a lot as a child.

But Dad's favorite target by far has always been my mother. I will refer to her here as "Mom". Mom is also a screamer; apparently those genes are dominant in this bloodline. Dad's favorite thing to do was to either tear the shower curtain open and shriek, or sneak in and put a cold pop can against Mom's neck. Seriously, did you guys think I came by my vicious personality purely via nature? Nurture had a lot to with it, too. We'd see Dad start giggling, creep into their room and the attached bathroom, and then shortly there after we'd hear Mom scream, Dad's giggle increase, and Mom holler "DAMMIT, STEVEN!" Sometimes he'd even get her twice in the same shower.

But on one glorious, deeply hilarious day, my father got his comeuppance in a big way, and I was in the house to see Karma bite my father firmly on the ass. He had gone a'sneakin', as usual. Mom was getting ready to bathe, but not int he shower yet, and brushing her hair out. Dad, seeing this, dropped down into a crouch so she wouldn't see him in the mirror. He was getting ready to grab her and scare the shit out of her, when she adjusted her towel. At the same time Dad was moving forward. Her elbow met the bridge of his nose. The elbow said "wallop", and in reply, his nose replied "crunch!". My mother had accidentally broken my father's nose.

It was fucking glorious.

In a truly wonderful reversal, we in the living room hear a muffled roar, followed by "DAMMIT, ALLAYNE!" Dad came out of their room cupping his nose, blood flowing copious and red, and Mom following him, trying to apologize and cackling at the same time. I joined her-- I also got the cackle gene-- and those of us who had been terrorized by my dad in the past (i.e, all of us) followed them into the kitchen, essentially to point and laugh at my father.

Now I personally take the more proactive approach to scare-based revenge-- my current favorite is to tell my dad I'm dropping out of college because I'm pregnant and have the father narrowed down to one of several potential fathers. He falls for it every time. I have also been known to hide in a closet and leap out with a scream-- what I'm saying is if you scare me (and it's really fucking easy, sadly), I WILL get you back.

But Mom didn't have to; payback got her revenge on my Dad for her. To add to it, Dad looked like a raccoon for several days after, and talked funny to boot. So remember this if you like to scare your significant other, to terrorize her (or him) in a variety of ways, much like my father. Just remember: payback really can be a bitch.

Creepy Kitch Podcast Episode 4: Scarred for Life

Here it is! Episode 4: Scarred for Life. Stac and Cins discuss two movies that shaped the horror fans they are today; Disney's The Watcher In The Woods, and Spielberg's Poltergeist.
Also included is the Weekly Fuck Off to customers who don't listen and smug I-Hop commercials and our new segment: Horror Crush of The Week!

Warning, we were a little cracked out this ep on wine and lack of sleep.

ENJOY!

Episode 5 Is Listener's Choice!

So tonight we'll be recording Episode 4. But that doesn't mean we don't like to plan in advance!
Stac and I have decided that Episode 5 will be our first even Listener's Choice Episode. So now you have to opportunity to torture us ladies into squirming messes...trust me...it doesn't take a lot.

So if you have a movie to recommend or want us to do a review of something on the show, leave a comment here or on our Facebook page ( Yup, we went mainstream. God help us), or drop us a line at creepykitchgals @ gmail . com.

We'll pick two and watch them for episode 5!

Let us know what you think!

Ghost story supliments for Episode 3

For those of you who listened to Episode 3 -This Old House, we mentioned posting some back links to past entries about our personal ghost stories. So here's a list of some older entries we did for easy reading access!

The two main ones we mentioned:
The Spooky Adventures of Stac and Cins is all about the weird photograph we took at The Whaley House in Old Town San Diego.
This Article and This Article discuss our last ghost hunting trip to Old Town San Diego. The First one is my take on it. The second one is Stac's.

Also, for your reading pleasure:
Personal Ghost Story: Preteen Edition
Wall O' Text AHOY!
Creepy Guy or Tree?


ALSO! I have adjusted the comments to post automatically after a text code prompt. So now you no longer have to wait for one of us to mod you comments! Why did I do this you ask? Because I ended up DELETING two very good and legit comments because I didn't have my coffee this morning and was on total auto pilot. UGH! So sorry to Colleen and iZombie. We're not shunning you... I'm just a moron in the morning without my coffee. This will probably be the usual...until the Japanese porn spam gets out of hand.

ALSO! Creepy Kitch now has its own email! if you have any questions or comments on the blog or on the podcast you can not only comment here but you can drop us a line at:

creepykitchgals@gmail.com

Both Stac and I will have access to this so feel free to write to either of us at this email.
Look at us...getting all growns up and stuff.

Preview: Episode 4 -Scarred for Life

Hey Folks!
Here's a preview of what's to come on Episode 4!
Childhood trauma movies! Stac and I will be discussing movies that scarred us for life as little children. Our two discussion targets will be Disney's The Watcher In The Woods from 1980 and Spielberg's ever infamous Poltergeist from 1982.

Here's some Trailers:





As usual, give em a watch and let us know your opinions for the next ep!

Creepy Kitch Podcast Episode 3: This Old House

Don't look now! Its Episode 3!
On this episode Stacy and I discuss House of the Devil and The Changeling! We also discuss personal ghost stories from our pasts.
And we talk people with neck beards and shitty parenting in the weekly Fuck Off Segment..because sometimes you just gotta tell them to fuck off.
Check it out!

I Probably Should Have Just Gone to Bed.

I stayed up until 3 am this morning watching Mongolian Death Worm. Now, with a title this stupid, and the fact that it was on, of course!, SciFi (I know how they spell it; much like Prince's stupid symbol, I refuse to participate.) I should have known better. I really, really should have. But this was one of those weird movies that had a cast that was way too good for it. Sean Patrick Flannery was the lead, Daniel, and was way too charming for my getting to bed at a decent time. He also had a great, low-key chemistry with the female lead, Dr. Alicia Something, played by Victoria Pratt.

This movie is supposed to have been set in the vast Mongolian grasslands. Hilariously, everyone in this drives a vehicle; from what I've heard (and it is admittedly second hand. I'd go look it up but, well, it's Sunday and.. uh.. I don't wanna.) the Mongolian tundra is simply too big for vehicles to be viable. There's no place to refuel, a big reason for why the nomadic people in that area prefer horseback. There are also several shots, at the experimental oil drilling facility (run by the expected Evil White Guys Corp) of very lush, manicured lawns, and what appeared to be a forested area. Mongolia does have forested areas, but I'm pretty sure they're not smack in the middle of the tundra, ya know?

But my faaaaaavorite part of this movie was the BLATANT paternalism running rampant and peeing all over the conflicting landscape of Pretend Mongolia. Every single Asian person in this film that was given a name is eaten by the worms (except in one case where someone is inexplicably shot by a member of Evil White Guys Corp. Still not sure why on that one). There was one person of Asian extraction who was portrayed as competent, the local cowboy hat wearing sheriff (?) named Timur. He kicked wormy ass, and then, to punish his hubris for being a competent non-white person in a shitty horror movie, he is literally eaten in the last two minutes of the film. Yeah, fuck you too, movie. Only Whitey could save everyone!

There's also some subplot about finding and looting Ghengis Khan's tomb, but I think I was playing Pet Society on Facebook or something when they explained that. The movie ends with the Evil White Guys Corp goin' 'splode, and then dead guy gold rains down on our cackling survivors. Apparently, heated up gold coins don't hurt when they fall on you from great heights! Who knew? I'm going to cite this film in my defense when I climb a building with scrap jewelry and a slingshot. I think my chances of getting off are pretty good, honestly.

The CGI in the film was almost decent for the most part; the worms, which looked like giant maggots mashed violently with hook worms, looked pretty good, which means they looked gross and squishy. The worms also had a second mouth inside the first: yes, this movie is essentially a Tremors rip-off but with more passive racism and less Fred Ward.

Now, there is an actual rural legend in Mongolia, called the Mongolian Death Worm. I'm sure it sounds way cooler in Mongolian. The actual legend is pretty interesting, and I suggest you look it up.

In summation: I should have gone to bed.

Creepy Kitch SPECIAL Episode! - Guest Host on Sassycast

Check out this special treat!
On the side, when I'm not watching horror films and being obsessive about miniature things, I co-host a non horror podcast with my friends Roy and Chris called "Sassycast: Roy and Chris' Adventure Fun Time Show", a fun Slice 'o Life style podcast.
Turns out Roy (also known as Cinematic Slice of Cheese here on the comments) has become quite a fan of Creepy Kitch. So he asked Stac and I to come guest host an episode of his podcast.
And Lemme tell you, its insanely chaotic.
So come listen to the four us us chat about horror films, cult films, and our sassy lady hampers!

You can find Sassycast on iTunes, Facebook, and Mevio. Check them out! Its laugh riot!

Listen on in to our episode!