Creepy Kitch Episode 45: Listeners' Choice

Another Listeners' Choice? Say it ain't so?
Oh, it IS so!
This month, the gals discuss 1987's classic, Hellraiser and the 2000's thriller, What Lies Beneath.

The foul mouth maidens of the podcasting world also discuss Harrison Ford's Abs, An undying love of Clive Barker, how Cindy could REALLY use a drink, and torturing Ace and listening to the sounds of her terrified screams.

 All this, AND MORE! 

Halloween Movie Madness! Week 5 - Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth

Okay, remember when I said I was going to review Dead Snow next?
Yeah, I lied.
TOTALLY lied to you all.
And I could give the lame reason of not knowing Dead Snow was subtitled and I couldn't watch it while cleaning the house.
LAME EXCUSE!
I'll watch it tonight possibly after Heroes.
Yes, I watch Heroes. Don't you judge me!
Even if I am a liar.
Okay...feel free to judge me.

ANYWAYS instead, while I was doing a ton of stuff, I popped Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth in since its been sitting in its Netflix envelope for about four months now. I know *GASP* a massive fan of Sir Pinhead and I never saw Hellraiser III? Well actually I have but only from the middle on and years ago. So now was the time to sit down and watch it from beginning to end.

Recap Time! So pretty much this takes place a while after Hellraiser II. A sleezoid club owner has bought a really creepy piece of art containing very familiar faces (well familiar to those who've seen Hellraiser I and II). Meanwhile a reporter, Joey, has witness a bizarre death of a club goer at a hospital in that chains ripping flesh sort of way. She plans to get to the bottom of it with the help of Terri, a young woman who is dumber than a bag of hammers. This of course leads to the box, Pinhead in a block of resin, and lots and LOTS of bloody death.
I could go into it more but there's a lot going on in this movie to really try to recap in one small paragraph.

As a stand alone movie, Hellraiser III ain't half bad. Its an interesting plot, the visual are great, and the special effects are really well done. Not to mention the new cenobites are pretty fantastic looking even if a bit gimmicky. I also loved seeing Doug Bradley play Eliot Spencer who seems like quite a stand up guy...well compared to Pinhead he was a stand up guy. Getting some more back story on Pinhead before he was Pinhead was great. I also liked Joey as a heroine and found myself rooting for her much more often than the bad guys. If I did not see the first two Hellraiser films before this I'd probably think is was really great.
But unfortunately I HAVE seen the first two Hellraiser movies before this. And I'm a huge fan of Hellraiser I and II. So this movie is a bit of a redheaded stepchild for me.
Now don't get me wrong, its wasn't bad and I didn't hate it. But compared to the first two it felt very pedestrian. The first two were so epic and unique it makes this one come across as a typical horror film. The passion and twisted feelings were gone and were replaced with just more gore and sex. And while the sex scene was more graphic, it really didn't even compare to the freaky passion in the first movie between Julia and Frank (which when you think about it, didn't really show much at all) .

The big thing that bugged me was the portrayal of Pinhead in this one. One of the main things I loved about El point-o face-o in the first films was how cold he was. He menaced with a cool calculation of a general. I liked his detachment. Its what set him apart from icons like Freddy and Jason. And that is what he lacked in this version of the film. Pinhead was a wee bit too gleeful in this. He cackled, he mugged at the camera, and he attempted some one liners which just came off as lame. To be frank, they cheapened my beloved Pinhead. One can argue that the reason Pinhead was not himself in this film was because his Eliot side was separated from him. I suppose you could look at it that way. But I did not enjoy the cackling over emotional Pinhead and I longed to give him some Thorazine.

So overall? I would recommend Hellraiser III mostly to finish up the trilogy that Clive Barker had some involvement in (I'm not sure how involved with III he was though). Its a fun film. But don't expect it to have the creativity and wow factor of the first two.

Pinhead Pinhead He's Our Man!

First off, I just wanted to say ACK for being so scarce. The summer months are pretty busy for me being a huge nerd and all.
And just for some added pimpage, I will be peddling my art work at Anime Expo at the LA convention center CA the weekend of the fourth (I'll be at table B14 with some friends) and at The Gathering of the Gargoyles at the Hilton Universal in Universal City CA (I'll be working the art room). So if anyone is interested in shootin' the shit with me in person, I'm totally up for it! But I talk....a LOT. Consider that your warning.
...please do not bring body parts. I assure you I have no room for them anymore.

Also, Voting is still open for Monsters Vs Madmen. And the "What the FUCK IS THAT!?" contest happening as well.
Enough pimping. On to the blog.



So in my house we apparently have a cook books for Horror DVD exchange happening between me and the husband. Max is a foodie, and I am a blood thirsty bitch. This works out well between us. The shop at where I work has an occasional employee appreciation sale so I peek in on my breaks and pick up some wacky cook books for the Mister. He in turn will buy me a horror DVD of my choice. This week I was torn between the two El Cheap-o Nightmare on Elm Street compilation DVDs for $10 a pop (one disk had 1 through 4, the other had 5 through Freddy vs Jason) or the BlueRay Anchor Bay edition of Hellraiser. But as much as I love the Freddy, Pinhead won out for me.

The Anchor Bay Edition of Hellraiser really isn't that bad at all. While it doesn't have all the bells and whistles that the collectors edition does, it does have some great featurettes including interviews with actors Andrew Robinson (Larry) and Ashley Laurence (Kirsty), the later being insanely hilarious, especially when she ends her interview with "...I think my rash is coming back". Long story. Just watch the interview to understand it. It also has some great interviews on the featurette Hellraiser: Resurrection with Clive "You're my awesomesauce" Barker, the composer Christopher Young, and costume designer Joanna Johnston to name a few. Plus a featurette all about Doug Bradley, Sir Pinhead himself, and his thoughts and feelings on making the film. Its quite sweet to see how happy he is to have played the role as well as how appreciative he is towards the horror genre in general. After watching this movie again It lead to a bunch of random unfocused thoughts...which I am about to barf all over the blog right now.

The film itself is still magnificent especially in BlueRay. And after this last viewing I came to the realization that Hellraiser is my favorite horror film of all time. I have never seen a movie that equally repulses and allures me at once. The elegance of the visuals, the beauty of the language, and the over the top grotesque characters made Hellraiser the best Gothic horror movie to date. I can watch the movie over and over and it still gives me chills. How bad? I won't buy a replica of of Hellraiser puzzle box no matter how much I'd like to have one because I have the irrational fear that it WILL call up the Cenobites and suddenly is hamburger central in my living room. Many people have tried to replicate Hellraiser but it always pales in comparison. For me, no movie is quite like Hellraiser. And there is no horror film icon quite like Pinhead.

Scariest memoralbila EVER.

Pinhead. Wow. What a guy. I think the only other horror film icon who scares me as much as him is possibly Freddy Kruger. But its hard to top Pinhead for me. Granted, in the original Hellraiser the main villain is Frank but you cannot deny that Pinhead steals the show. First off, his appearance is extremely grotesque yet never turns the viewer off like many other horror icons. The cross sections of his head, the nails in his face, the exposed flesh on his torso that is pierced and bleeding, the black eyes, the fact that he is the only male horror icon that can look menacing in a skirt... despite all this he still keeps a very human and almost handsome visage which attracts you to him. Maybe it doesn't attract you sexually (unless you're Stac) but he has an allure to him because despite his deformities he still appears human and almost relateable especially the more you find out about him in the sequels.
Pinhead is also a very "less is more" style of icon. While Freddy is over the top with his one liners and Jason and Micheal Myers are silent yet horrifically violent, Pinhead views the world as an indifferent observer. He is cold. And while he can still perform acts of terror upon people with his chains and his back up Cenobites, he conducts it all with the coolness of a British general and a flick of his wrist. Ever notice that Pinhead really doesn't move much? Even when thwarted by the hero he never is prone to chewing the scenery other than a really chilling scream. The very dead and determined delivery of the line "We Will Tear Your Soul Apart!" gives me a large case of the heebies. He's not being threatening He is not trying to scare you. He is merely stating a fact. Pinhead will indeed tear your soul apart because that is what he does. Nothing more nothing less. Pinhead's tortures walk that fine fine line between pain and pleasure which makes one fear what he can do yet keeps you curious as to exactly where the pleasure part fits in. That curiosity I get in the back of my head while watching the film is what really makes my stomach drop out from under me. Why and I wondering?! Why is this man making me wonder this in the first place!? Get out of my head, Pinhead!!
Also, he makes a name like "Pinhead" scary. Pinhead. AHHH!

Pinhead is watching you Masterbate

I would also like to point out that the special effects in the first Hellraiser are still amazing by today's standards. This is why I'm extremely skeptical of how the remake of Hellraiser will be. The reverse filming, the amazing goo, and the makeup/puppet effects were so very real and disarming (especially the resurrection of Frank scene when those two arms come shooting up through the floor) that I really think it will completely cheapen the entire movie when they move to CGI. Of course I'm not %100 it will be all CGI but I seriously doubt they will go many other routes. The only hope for this remake is Clive Barker overseeing the project. I'm a person who usually is pretty open minded about most remakes but with Hellraiser being my favorite and all...well...lets say I'm not really holding my breath for it to be brilliant. But if it is, I promise I will eat my words....But I'm still not holding my breath.

Come on...Doing this in CGI won't be half as creepy.

I'm sure most of you have seen Hellraiser. But if any of you have not please do yourself a favor and rent this movie asap. Its a beautiful, tragic, unique, and bizarre horror film that gives you both the chills of a horror movie like Friday the 13th and Nightmare on Elm Street but has the depth and elegance of a Shakespearean play.

...And you gotta love the Pinhead. WOO PINHEAD!

Unhealthy Attractions... PART I.

My libido and I have a love/hate relationship. It loves for me to think about sexy men and get all hot and bothered, and I hate to blush in calculus class.

I have a vivid imagination, and I tend to space out a lot and I'm sure you can see where this is going. So what could be better than making a little post about the mad men who would probably have sex with me and then later skin me and wear my lady bits as a hat?

I have a tendency to love things I probably shouldn't, and this tendency manifested its self early on. My first horror crush? Norman Bates. I was ten. Mother was not pleased.


But look at this face? What's not to love? I would go on to become a scooch obsessed with Norman when I was a preteen, and watched Psycho 4 over and over. And maybe over again.

You know what?
I was trying to write this "tastefully", and I realized how fuckin' stupid that is. This is an article about killer pretend people that I want to bone me; where does subtlety play into this? A warning to those of you who may be feeling a touch of the vapors: I'll probably be getting raunchy ahead.

Next on the list is a certain leader of a group of sadomasochists who live in a tidy wee box.



I'm speaking of course, about Pinhead. I'm not sure of the allure here; I think it's part his obsession for poor Kirsty, and part the frightening balance between pain and sophistication. When he talks you almost believe that he could rip you apart.. and eventually you might come to like it.

Of course, there are downsides to any relationship here. Oral sex would be difficult on my end, and I'm both curious and afraid to find out what else he's hammered nails into. Plus there's the want to rip me to pieces, and the fact that I'm quite firm on not having my skin perforated by hooks and chains. We're just too different; we want different things!


This next one is weird, even by my notorious standards. When I was about twenty, I had never seen any of the Halloween movies. For some reason these movies stayed off of my personal radar, which was good as a kid, since it would have just scared the piss out of me.

So does anyone want to tell me why the FUCK I had a series of bizarrely and startlingly erotic dreams starring your truly and Micheal Myers? Anyone? Anyone? You? You liked your hand was up--no? Yeah, me neither. I haven';t the faintest where this came from, but those dreams made me reeeeeeally happy, and I still get a strange residual twang when I watch these movies. So yeah, I guess I wanna jump Micheal Myers.

I have no idea what brought it on, but apparently it's here to stay.



Tony Todd has a voice that is pure, one hundred percent sex. He could probably get a nun wet by reading a phone book; and I know I'm not alone in this one. The next on my sick little list is, of course, The Candyman. I'm trying to be a tad classy here, and not make comments like "I got some candy for him!". Why? Because I'm a fucking lady, that's why! But seriously. I got some candy-- no, no, I'm stronger that that!

The Candyman is about seduction and obsession. I don't know about guys, but I know most girls have at least one secret fantasy of being the most alluring thing in the universe, the person that is absolute in a translation of need, both sexual and emotional. And the Candyman's seduction of Helen, coupled with that gorgeous, frayed velvet voice, and the promise of something worth being haunted by, is a potent combination for little old me.

The hook is problematic, I'll give you that, but I could tolerate the bees; I like bees. We need honey bees! Fuck I'm really, really sleepy. The turkey is kicking in, please send help, and stuffing. I think I need to wrap this up.


The moral of this post is that my psyche is a nightmarish, glitter-covered place to be. But what if it's not just mine? What if there are more of us out there who feel this way, about something if not this?

Of course, the reality and the fantasy are two entirely separate beasts, and I know that. Stalking is not sexy, and even if the stalker is harmless it's still irritating to have some jackass humping your leg. And I have no desire to become a victim to anyone. So I'll leave the box closed, and I'll never look in the mirror and recite a killer's name. (I actually tried after I saw Candyman for the first time, and my mouth froze up after the fourth time.)

But it's still fun to imagine.