Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Listener's Choice Approaches!

Hey Folks!
While we wait for our Gare-Bear to work his magic on Episode 9, we're plotting ahead for our send listener's choice episode! And guess what? We need help!
If you haven't already, toss us a title you'd like us to check out and discuss for Episode 10. We'll chose two from the list.
Remember, the more obscure and weird, the better...as long as we can find it and WATCH it.

So far on this list we have:
Something Wicked This Way Comes
The Burbs
Live Freaky, Die Freaky
The Saw movies
They Live

If you second any of these or if you have your own suggestion, toss it over! If we don't pick your film this time, rest assured, it will go back in the pool for next time....or it may inspire its own episode!

Lay it on us!

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Preview: Episode 9 - Vincent Price is a Suave M.F.

Seriously.
We ARE recording it.
Tonight even!
Episode 9 on its way and we will be talking about the awesomeness that is Vincent Price.

We'll be discussing the 1964 classic, Masque of the Red Death



And the surreal 1971 cult classic the Abdominal Dr. Phibes.


Stay tuned!

Monday, November 29, 2010

My Nine Iron is an Extension of My Penis.

Waaay back when I was but a wee witchie poo, in the love-forsaken year of 1991, my family finally joined the 20th century and got premium cable. I was alternately in heaven and bored to tears as HBO was feast or famine in its line-up. I am one of those people who can watch, read, or listen to something over and over if I enjoy it, so when a movie came on that I liked, I was glad to see it air over and again a million times as per Home Box Office's modus operandi. One of these movies I discovered at the emotional and greasy age of 13 was a largely forgotten gem called Rockula. I immediately fell head over heels into obsession with this goofy little movie, and watched it as often as I could catch it. I wanted to tape it but we had no blank VHS tapes, and this was long before the wonders of scalpers selling out of print movies on eBay, so I was essentially shit out of luck.

I moved in with my paternal grandparents a year later, and was once more back in the televised world of the stone age, as we got a total of three channels; if I dicked with the rabbit ears we could also get PBS, moving our choice total up to four. HBO was a distant memory, and as I recall, I ended up watching the VHS of Disney's Beauty and the Beast over and over and driving everyone around me insane until my grandmother hid the tape in the junk room. I really wish I was kidding.

1991 was the first and last year I saw the plight of Ralph LaVie: virgin vampire, and his mother Phoebe, played awesomely by Toni Basil. Yes THAT Toni Basil, of Hey Mickey fame, and who, I must add, is smoking hot in this movie. I'm a straight girl, but dayam. Even I can see that Mommy LeVie was a total undead milf. For years I've tried to get a copy of the movie, to no luck; it's never been released on DVD, and the VHS copies are long long time out of print. Imagine my delight when, while bitching to Tanya on the phone last night, I looked up Rockula on Netflix and FOUND IT STREAMING. Holy crap, epic win, pwned, all your base, what the eff ever is your online cliche spew of choice, I was the physical embodiment of them all when I saw that innocuous little blue "play" button waiting innocently for me to relive something good from my horribly awkward adolescent stage.

Careful boys! I think she's a biter!

In a nutshell, Ralphie's cursed to lose his true love Mona (played by Tawny Fere) every 22 years. He meets her, they have a few happy weeks together, and then she is always murdered on Halloween night. By a pirate. With a rhinestone peg leg. Who kills her with a ham bone. Played by Thomas "She Blinded Me with Science AND I'm the reason you're able to hear a damn thing at the movies" Dolby. This movie is fucking genius. Ralphie also has an obnoxious slut of a reflection, who is essentially every vampiric success that Ralphie is not, so you've got a great schizophrenic angle to pursue as well.

She Blinded Me with Fritz Lang and German Expressionism.

Dean Cameron (Chainsaw in the movie Summer School) is perfect as Ralph: he's got the "harmless cute" mixed perfectly with the widow's peak and slightly hawkish profile that you need for the "sexy vampire". It's no damn wonder he made my 13 year old heart go pitty-pat under my over-sized GAP t-shirt that I stole from the school lost and found! On top of that, he can sing. Oh, did I fail to mention that this movie has several musical numbers? Well it's called Rockula, use a little fucking inference, huh?


I have this identical poster on my living room wall, right now. It is between John William Waterhouse's The Mermaid and my Halloween My Little Ponies.


This is streaming on NetFlix, and I am going to get a copy on DVD, regardless of who I have to bite or bribe or both. Please, GO and watch this! It's silly and cheesy and fucking GREAT and we need to make noise to get people to pay attention and GIVE ME A LICENSED COPY ALREADY.

I am happy to note that I enjoyed this just as much as I did as a young'n, and I got more of the jokes-- would that everything from memory held up as well as this. I have a feeling that had this movie come out a few years earlier it probably would be better remembered today; it has a strangely John Hughes feel to it without being derivative. Sadly it came out in the weird interstitial period between decades, during that static period when the new decade is still influenced by the old one while acquiring its own flavor. A lot of good stuff gets lost in years like these, so let's make up for it now! Go watch!

This is hot. I don't care who you are or how you judge me, this is one of the rare instances from puberty that doesn't make me cringe.

Saturday, November 27, 2010

SkullyBoom Love

This logo wins for being EXACTLY what they sell.

They don't know it, but SkullyBoom was invented for me. I managed to wreck my Saturn last winter (in the stupidest way possible, though thankfully one that minimized any risk of human damage), and got a newer car with a mix of insurance money and my older brother. My newer car, a white Ford dubbed The Boo Mobile, is quite posh for someone who has only ever owned used cars. Keyless entry, working A/C, low mileage. It also has a killer speaker system, but the car is schizo in a way that makes these speakers virtually useless, because I have no way to connect my iPod to them. For some reason the tape deck won't play the cassette adapter that I used before, and when I tried an FM adapter, it turned out my cigarette lighter, the source of power for said adapter, is dead. Why? Who the fuck know. And I'm sure you, the reader is probably adding who the fuck cares to that statement.

You care because that led me to the glorious world of external speakers, 99% of which are total crap for a moving car. EXCEPT for SkullyBoom. I bought one of their speakers on pre order, long before I trashed my previous car, so clearly an external force was at work here. Initially purchased to use while doing house work and as something that my nieces and nephews could use with my iPod, this speaker saved me from hours upon hours of boredom.

I'll be honest: I only bought the speaker for two initial reasons: 1: to support a small, growing business, and 2: I fuckin' loved that it was skull shaped. But it's also the loudest speaker for its size I've ever heard, and it is also the clearest, something crucial for in-car use. There's no separate volume control for the speaker itself, instead the volume is entirely dependent on the MP3 player's volume setting. The other straight up awesome feature: no batteries! You charge it on your computer, and from experience I can tell you that the charge lasts for a long time. I can usually get to and from my sister's house, 6 hours round trip, without needing a charge.



This is the same color speaker I have. The eyes are the actual speakers, and my model is either strung out, like above, or totally baked.

But the best part of SkullyBoom, in my opinion, is their customer service. I got my speaker in January, and it broke in May. When I contacted them they had me return it, and then got me a new one IN THREE DAYS. That is some seriously AWESOME turn around, and for that reason I wear my SkullyBoom decal on my car, and happily!

If you're looking for a great, LOUD little speaker, then head over to skullyboom.com, and tell 'em we sent you! Now if I could just get them to make ear buds so I can stop using Skull Candy's crap..

Sunday, November 21, 2010

New Murder Dolls!


I still need Clio and Deuce. :(


Mattel hit a stroke of awesome recently, and my wallet is going to pay, with pain, if need be. This article is hard to write because I have a cat butt in my face. Apparently my neck/chest is the best and warmest seat in the house, according to Salem. This new doll line is called Monster High, and the dolls are the teenaged daughters (and a few sons. Prom IS coming, after all.) of famous monsters. They are also fucking adorable.

The main four and easiest to find are Draculaura, Clawdeen, Frankie Stein, and Lagoona Blue; I'm sure you can parse what child belongs with whom. I lucked out over Halloween and was able to get all four at my local Fred Meyer's who did a buy one get one free sale-- apparently Freddy's wasn't feeling too confident over their saleability. But when I went back later in the season the dolls were all gone, and there were none in the after Halloween corpse, though there were plenty of Halloween Barbies marked down.

These dolls are seriously cute, and one thing I really like is that they have their own mold-- they're not retrofitted Barbies or Bratz dolls. They're very jointed, especially on their arms, and each has her own little special touch. Frankie's eyes are different colors and she has stitching all over her limbs, Clawdeen has pierced wolf ears (and no human ears, a nice touch), Draculaura has elf ears as well as fangs (along with Clawdeen), and Lagoona has little, transparent, removable fins on her arms and legs.

Another touch I liked is that each of their fashion styles has its own flavor. All of them are very "fashion doll chic", of course, but in that continuum there are little touches of individuality. Lagoona's look is surfer casual (with heels, but somethings are endemic to fashion dolls), Draculaura is sort of new wave happy goth. Clawdeen is very animal print fashionista, and Frankie has a Hot Topic punk touch with lots of plaid. Each character also has her own back story, and comes with her little diary.

What we have here is a very charming doll line, and perfect for creepy little (or big) girls to play with. Eventually I'm going to get a shelf to display them in my living room, and I may get a doll for either my goddaughter or one of my nieces for Christmas, depending. Next year an extended line is slated, featuring Ghoulia, the zombie girl, and more boys, thankfully. I always hated having ten Barbies to one Ken; it always made sex in the Barbie Dream bed awkward with everyone watching... ah, childhood memories.

Bottom line: this dolls are adorable, and we really need to encourage this trend in dolls! I NEED MORE CREEPY! And if you don't support them you'll awake one night to the the enraged gaze of Creepy Murder Dolls.

Thank about THAT before you snub Mattel!

I Had Such Plans..

SUCH PLANS!

But school effectively crushed those dreams, like a technicolor cockroach under the heel of monotone conformity.

So FUCK IT, sez I! I shall post all of my glorious Halloween nonsense now, now that I am freed of two of the three research papers I had due this quarter!

So stay tuned and comment often, lest you wake in the night and find the terrifying image of myself and Cins, standing at the foot of your bed, fondling a slab of bacon, and muttering dark, broken things that you simply do not want to hear! Also, if you're a boy, I will totally make you wear girl clothes. My little brother can tell you stories on my prowess in this endeavor.

Sunday, October 31, 2010

Creepy Kitch Halloween Spectacular Extravaganza!


Or...to simply put it, another episode where Stac and Cins ramble on about various things ad Nausea.

So here it is, our Halloween Special!
This is different from our usual episodes as it in lack the usual movie reviews. On our special bonus episode Stac and Cins chat about various Halloween-y type of things such as; what films are tradition to watch on Halloween for us, stories on Trick or Treating past, Ghost stories, and other general craziness.
We also give a long list of thank you shout outs to our other friends, podcasters and other folk who has helped us on this wacky journey.

Enjoy!

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Creepy Kitch Episode 8: Train To Hell


This Episode we discuss The movies Midnight Meat Train and End of the Line.
We also discuss how Stac and Cins almost got into a fist fight at Disneyland and why Cins lusts after Robert Mitchum.
Also stay tuned for a 10 minute outtake conversation of...well just listen in after the exit music.

Also, stay tuned on Oct 31 for our Halloween special!

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Preview: Episode 8 - Train to HELL!

Episode 8 is on the way!
Did anyone think we'd make it this far? I sure didn't!
And to celebrate our swift decent into madness, our theme this show is Train to Hell!
Because...that's what we're riding ..a train...and...umm..
Oh forget it.

We'll be reviewing 2007's creepy End of the Line



And 2009's bloodfest Midnight Meat Train



In completely unrelated news, Cins thinks that Vinny Jones is made of Win and Awesome.

Stay tuned, folks!

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

How.. Fortuitous.

You uh, know what tonight is?

Do you?

It's the........

.........

.................................... EQUINOX!!!!!

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Creepy Kitch Episode 7: WTF?!

Its up!
Creepy Kitch Episode 7: WTF!!
This episode we discuss the strangest freakin' movies ever made The Sinful Dwarf and Equinox!
We also talk about why we love romance novels, why Gone with the Wind rules/sucks, as well as the weekly Fuck Off.
We also want to ONCE AGAIN thank our Gare-Bear for editing this episode yet again. All Hail the Gare-Bear!
This folks..is a banner episode.
Seriously.

Listen Up!

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Lesser Known Halloween Favorites, 1

I am a total slut for the Halloween season. You're shocked I know; you're also just as easy for the orange and black as I am or you wouldn't be here. Come, you're among friends; embrace the inner holiday slut. Embrace it. SUCCUMB! Of course, you get purple and orange herpes if you do; that's the festive price we all must pay. I also have green and red gonorrhea, but that's a topic for later in the year.

As a result of this tarted up behavior of mine, I will watch almost anything that has Halloween in it, at least once. I've discovered several enjoyable little movies as a result, most of them aimed at people about 25 years younger than myself. Hooray for emotional immaturity!



Christopher Llyod's DAAAAID in this! This dvd came WRAPPED IN PLAAAAAASTIC! Did you see what I did there? Huh? Huh? Didja?

The first of these titles is the underrated and hugely enjoyable When Good Ghouls Go Bad, starring Christopher Lloyd, Joe Pichler, and Brittany Byrnes. I watched this absently one day while folding laundry, and was fell in love with it; the story is sweet, it's got great timing for the comedic parts, and while there is some cgi it's used more to augment the practical special effects. That's right, folks! You got real people as zombies, or, if too dessicated, puppets! I think the special effects have a lot to do with the charm of this film-- had it all been cgi it would have taken on a static, sterile quality instead of the lively goofiness that is instead inherent. The costuming is also a lot of fun-- a lot of decayed velvet and shredded silks kinda deal, which I personally love.

The plot is simple as well as unlikely, like any good holiday special should be: the town of Walker Falls doesn't celebrate Halloween anymore, fearing the wrath of the ghost of Curtis Danko, who after committing suicide (I think. I need to rewatch this. Today, probably. NCIS is fun and all, but the dead people don't tend to smart off. They just lay there. How inconsiderate.) in 1981, swore that a curse would come down on the head of anyone who brought Halloween back to the small town. Theyve bumped along fine for twenty years, until the Walker family that the town's named for, comes back to reopen the candy factory that established the town in the first place. Christopher Lloyd plays Uncle Fred, the patriarch of this clan, who is goofball incarnate. Everyone calls him Uncle Fred, something he put into place for branding reasons years before; even his adult son and 12 year old grandson Danny call him this. There's a lot of family dysfunction here; dad works too m uch, leaving Uncle Fred as playmate for Danny, who is bullied a lot at school. The usual plot of coming to realize your loved ones are the best thing ever, blah blah blah.

Christopher Lloyd channeling Lemmy from Motorhead.


This is very much aimed at kids, but it's got enough gleeful ghoulishness that parents can watch along and enjoy it. Minimal smarm, more of a focus on Dead Folks Crackin' Wise, which is fine by me. This is actually a great gateway drug for kids to get their feet wet in the horror genre. There is a love story of sorts, between both father and son Walker; both are sweet and not saccharine, thanks be to God. Trouble starts when Danny is pressured into looking at the "cursed" statue that Curtis Danko made the night he died. As an aside, isn't Curtis Danko just the perfect name for a town legend?


How perfect does he look for the school weirdo circa 1981? You KNOW he listened to Bauhaus and the Smiths.

Shortly there after, weird shit starts to happen all over town, and Uncle Fred accidentally drops dead. But it's when he resurrects as a zombie that trouble starts to really fly. There are great bits where Uncle Fred gets an arm or two ripped off, and then needs his limbs reapplied via power drill and hammer! Like a I said, there's a happily morbid streak in this film. It's also revealed that many of the children of Walker Falls have been having Halloween in secret, in the now derelict home that Curtis Danko once lived in. It's a very sweet, sort of Secret Garden vibe; the kids decorated and come in costume while bringing candy, music, etc. I really like these scenes because there are some great costumes floating around in the background; more thought than usually goes into costumed extras scenes. But at the same time, a lot look exactly like what you'd expect a kid to come up with on the fly, especially in a town where Halloween hasn't been since 1981.


Curtis Danko post crypt. He's a really great looking puppet. How cool would that look in a yard haunt?

Give it a watch if you like anything pertaining to Halloween, and especially if you have kids. It's a great way to help kids find delight in horror, instead of seeing it as something to be avoided until they're 20 and finally bring themselves to watch Poltergeist as well as A Nightmare on Elm Street, and only then with an alcoholic booster. Autobiographical? Perhaps. A little.

Or a lot.



Liquid Courage! Why yes, I am a lightweight. Thank you for asking!



Thursday, September 16, 2010

Desperation is Not Pretty.

I am so desperate for Halloween tv that I'm watching Home Shopping Network's Halloween sale.

Try not to be TOO harsh when you judge me, okay?

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Preview: Episode 7 - WTF?!

Coming soon...as in VERY soon.
As in we already recorded it and we're just waiting to get it back from Gare-Bear.
Creepy Kitch Episode 7 - WTF?!

Seriously, Stac and I review two of the WEIRDEST FRIGGIN' MOVIES EVER!!!

We will be reviewing 1973's The Sinful Dwarf.


And our long running inside joke 1970's EQUINOX!


This one...is going to be epic.

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Halloween Artists, version 1

I love Twitter; I learn all kinds of weird, interesting stuff there. Like how to put on makeup like Angelina Jolie, or what Craig Ferguson's Labor Day dinner looks like. Please note, I'm not complaining, folks! I also discover a lot of awesome Halloween-based wonderful, like the AWESOME website, Cult of the Great Pumpkin. On this site I discovered my newest entry to the Favorite Artist link, a man named Bruce Walters.

I don't know if Mr. Walters defines himself as a specifically Halloween artist, but he certainly has made one hell of a contribution to that medium. He did a series called Halloween Flight, and it is so perfect at summation for this most hallowed season that I have to share it, and, when I finally beat my finances into submission (it's all about violence with me, but I embrace that, really), I'm going to get his book of this instillation. Here are a few examples of his stuff, used COMPLETELY without permission.



There is a snippet of poem for this that reads:
"Summer's path has led to winter's threshold.
Its entrance moonlit as foresaid.
Enter gravely or with revelry bold
for with you, also pass the dead."


This is the only text in the series, and both it and the art itself reminds me heavily (in tone) of Edgar Allen Poe.



Everything about this image is perfect for me.

Head over to his website here to see the full series. While there be sure to look around at his whole site, not just this installation. He has a lot of wonderful artwork there, one of my favorites being the gigantic painting he did of the Headless Horseman.

Go! Check it out! Wallow in the coming season!

P.S: NO idea why the hell I can't get he italics to turn back off. But it's irritating the fuck out of me.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

IT BEGINS!!!

The orange and the black is upon us! HALLOWEEN SEASON IS OFFICIALLY OPEN! It's always open for me, but that's because I live on the grounds and never really leave Halloween. Brief detour for Christmas, but I am the Keeper of the Creepy.

To commemorate this Season of Spooky, I have links!

I-Mockery has started their two months of Halloween celebration, beginning today! Go give it a look, they have great content and creepy content both!

X-Entertainment is still in the Summer Party, but I know Matt loves Halloween, and he's already dropping hints on how awesome this year's Halloween Countdown is going to be, so I would imagine it'll start soon, so keep an eye out!

WOOHOOO! Let us celebrate the orange and the black and the purple! My favorite time of year is about to start!

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Creepy Kitch Episode6: Cult Films


At Long Last!
Creepy Kitch Episode 6: Cult Movies!
This Episode we discuss the movies Peeping Tom and Spider Baby. We also touch on the usual weekly fuck off as well as discuss other...weird...girl crap.
Special thanks to Gary to editing this episode. Bow down to him! You can actually HEAR us this episode!

Listen Up! WOOO!


Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Did You Know That If You Pee Hard Enough You Can Fly?

Or so I learned a few nights ago! I had always suspected a corollary between force of urine stream and the ability to hover, and my theory was proven. I'll present my paper to MENSA next week. Wanna know how I learned? No? Too damn bad, it's my blog, not yours. SO READ ON, FEARLESS.. UM, READER!

I had some friends come into town a few days ago-- the parents of my goddaughter, in fact (known by me as The Bean). Since Kari (the mommy) is from the 'Burg, she comes to visit her mother quite often, and we usually hang out one night while they're in town. They lure me with promises of Thai food, and we swap gossip and amusement for a few hours.

At the moment, my front door is jacked up, compliments of one of my nieces who went all She- Hulk Smash on it, so until I can afford to repair it, it's kept shut and locked, and I use the back door as my primary entrance/exit. My yard is horseshoe shaped, and I have a little forest of mature pine trees all over. So even in daylight it stays dim and cool in my yard, and at night there is little ambient light even if there's a full moon out. It's not really a problem though, as the path around my house is clear, and there are motion lights at both front and back door. The only place it's really dark is at the bottom of the horseshoe shape, but like I said, it's a an unblocked path way.

So what in the HELL was the cold, smooth thing that pressed against my right calf as I was sashaying to the door, thinking my usual filthy thoughts?

Now, I am usually in possession of a moderately rational side. I am extremely prone to flights of imagination, as Cins can attest, but if there is a reasonable answer for something I'm usually capable of finding it. I have NO IDEA what touched my leg, but let me promise you this: a mystery touch in total darkness is as bad if not WORSE than something touching you under water (unless you're swimming at night-- that's worse). I squealed and did not know I was running until I was at my back door and the motion light came on. I slammed my key in the lock and was inside with the dead bolt thrown in, I'd conservatively guess, one half second.


It was a lot like this, but with a kicky hair cut and pad thai left overs.


I was so spooked that I found I couldn't pee unless the bathroom window (which is near that corner though it does not actually over look it) was firmly closed.

Did I bolster my nerves, grab a flash light and a base ball bat and go out and look? Fuck no! Do I look stupid?! At worst it was some tiny, gibbering monstrosity that goes around pressing cold glass bottles against unsuspecting legs, at best it was a skunk, and either damn way, I lose in that equation!



I think I ran before he could get his teeth in.

I went and looked the next day, but there was, as expected, nothing there. There is literally nothing but the flat, pine needle-laden path, and the side of my house. I've since, several times, walked that path at night, and have been thankfully unfondled. I've resisted the urge to run it, but just barely, and that's more because I hate to run than anything else.

I've creeped myself out typing this, and I think I need a drink. Why do you make me do these things to myself, blog? Why??



Hooray! A happy ending after all!

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

An Unpleasant Way to Wake Up

When I was 14 years old I went to live with my paternal grandparents in Arcata, California, smack in the middle of Humbolt County. I may very well have been the only teen to live there who would never smoke pot. My grandparents' house is very old: though now in the middle of Arcata proper, when they bought it back in the late 1950's it was still surrounded by farm land. As a product of originally agricultural origin, it is a large, two story farm house, replete with quaint and occasionally bizarre architecture. I love this house; I have always loved this house. It was one of my favorite places to be when I was small, and the setting only contributes to how the house has held me charmed over the years. There is no front or back yard, instead two sprawling areas on either side of the house. The front in the street the house sits on, the back is the wild, brambly slope that lead down into the Bottoms area of Arcata, named by some distant cousin "The Barrens", I assume after the wild play land frequently described in Stephen King's fictional (and often evil) town of Derry, Maine. At the back of the house are some of the tallest cypress trees in the area, visible for miles around. All of this worked together to concoct some alchemy for me; it is a place I will remember with love for the entirety of my life.

But, like any decent old house, there's a ghost. Her name is Leticia, and she lives in the attic. My grandmother invented her to keep all of us from playing upstairs when we were small-- my grandparents' house is antiques-laden, and she didn't trust us around them alone. For as long as I can remember, there has been a painting hanging by the staircase, a reproduction of Rembrandt's Girl At An Open Half Door. We were told that painting was a picture of the resident ghost.

Meet Leticia. She lives in the attic.


We were never told she was mean or evil, simply that she slept during the day, and as a result we needed to play downstairs or preferable outside so we didn't wake her. When I was little I accepted this as fact and never questioned it. That we would occasionally hear upstairs movement in a house that projected every footstep only cemented this concept. When I was older, I would learn that, though my grandmother had invented Letitia, she had merely given a name to something that was already there. Leticia was not invention; Leticia is fact.

Most of my observations were small things, and some events were unquestionably the result of a very imaginative teenager living in a house with some serious, serious ambiance. The hallway up to my room still has the wall paper original to the house-- and it's been falling apart as long as I've been alive. Turns out wall paper tends to do that past the century mark.


Leticia's room is just at the top. Mine was just next to it. I have fallen down these stairs so. Many. Times.

On these stairs I would frequently leave my folded laundry, to take upstairs with me when I next went up (this drove my grandmother APE SHIT which was a big reason for why I kept doing it. The other prominent reason was that I am deeply, deeply lazy.). I usually put the pile o' clean clothes on the third step, as it was exactly hip-height on my frame. Sometimes, when I was home alone and had been all along, I would notice that my clothes had moved from the 3rd step to the 4th or 5th, and once or twice down to the 2nd. A few times I'm almost sure that my clothes were put upstairs on my bed, and I couldn't actually remember taking them up there, though that could easily just be inattentiveness on my part.

But the weirdest thing that occurred during my brief habitation there happened one Sunday morning when the house was full of family. My grandmother liked to have a big family breakfast on Sundays. Various aunts, uncles, and cousin would come, and eat a huge meal. At 8 am. As a truly devoted night owl who profoundly hates getting up before 10 am, this quickly became something that I slept through, which of course pissed Grandma off (I learned during this year that I had a knack for that).

One Sunday I awoke in a startle, ready to holler because someone had been in my room, staring at me. This is a pet peeve of mine-- I really dislike people looking at me while I'm sleeping. I was certain my very young cousins had been in my room again, and like most fifteen year olds I was less than excited by the thought of baby cousins taking off with my shit. I knew someone had just seconds before been looking at me; my door was not just open (I slept with it closed) but it was still swinging from the touch of whomever had just been there. Scrabbling for my glasses I climbed out of bed and went looking for the culprit to yell at them.

I was certain I would catch a rugrat or two just outside my door as I had heard no one go down the stairs just outside my door. This house is so old and creaky that you can literally hear every footstep a person makes. You can hear it so clearly you can also usually tell what room they're going into. You could hear it best when you were downstairs and whomever was upstairs, but even when I was upstairs I could hear a person walking downstairs. So there is no way in hell a 5 year old and a 3 year old could have gone scampering down the stairs without me hearing every footfall. Other than my swearing and the creaking of my bedroom door, there had been silence upstairs in the few seconds since I awoke.

Just to be sure, I went downstairs. Maybe I had been so confused when I woke that I had missed the sounds of fleeing feet. But when I went grumpily down I learned quickly that my young cousins had not come that Sunday. So I asked my grandmother, who was cleaning up, if she had come and looked into my room, perhaps to glare at me for choosing sweet sleep over an early morning calorie load. Grandma was pissed at me when I went over to ask her-- no shock there, as she was usually pissed off at me all day on Sundays due to my accursed resistance to the Borg. I mean family time. Today was no difference. When I asked her if she'd just been upstairs, she snappily told me that of course not, and then went off on her usual diatribe about how she would never violate my privacy by going in my room, blah blah blah. Hilariously, this was a lie-- she would never go into my room, she would just stand at the door way and snoop, and then yell at me later for my admittedly slovenly ways. So that really wasn't an out of the way question.

She then rounded on me, and very angrily said "And I don't appreciate you treating my house that way!" I stared blankly at her; I had apparently wandered into the country of Non Sequitur. When I asked her what the hell she was rambling about, she told me that everyone at the table heard me get up, walk down to the hallway, and then RUN down the hall, into my room, onto my bed. They then heard me do this three more times. The problem with this? I had done no such thing. I'm certain I wasn't sleep walking, either, because I have never gone sleep walking in my life; I had been deeply asleep, and had not moved for some time when I awoke. I am sure of this because I could feel the need to stretch, badly, when I awoke, my pulse was also slow and my breathing calm. Finally, I'm an asthmatic; I would have known if I had been running, because I would have had an asthma attack as a result.

But everyone had heard "me", not just my grandmother. And when I asked everyone else if they had been in my room, I got a negative in reply. I don't think anyone was lying, because none of them had previously expressed any interest in my room at all (other than Grandma's afore mentioned occasional excursion, and that she only did when I wasn't home). Added to this was the fact that until a few months later, I was the only (living) person who inhabited the second floor.

It wasn't a frightening or cruel experience, it was just a weird one. The impression I get now was that I was being admonished to get up, because I was missing breakfast and family time. My grandmother does not to this day believe there has ever been any presence in her house; she doesn't believe in ghosts at all. Grandpa has never said what he thinks either way, but he's pretty taciturn by nature. But the feeling I get, and I've generally learned to trust feelings like these, is that my grandmother simply gave a name and face to something that was already there, something benevolent and lonely. Leticia is who she is now, and I think she's fine with that name. Whomever she was in life I have no idea, but now she's the girl in the half-door, and she lives in the attic.

Monday, July 12, 2010

Episode 6 Preview: Cult Movies

Unfortunately our last couple of minutes were cut off from Episode 5 so you never got a chance to hear what our next episode will be.

Well wonder no longer!


Episode 6: Cult Movies!

Stac and I venture into the world of weird old movies that have achieved cult Status. We're off to the swingin' sixties!


We'll be watching the black and white 1968 "classic" Spider Baby. This one is a favorite of Stac's.

Check out the Trailer!

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We'll also be checking out the notorious 1960's film the destroyed many a career Peeping Tom. Neither of us have seen this one so it should be a treat!

Aaaand here's the Trailer!


Keep on listening, folks!

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Creepy Kitch Episode 5: Listeners' Choice

We Back Bitches!
Sorry about the long Hiatus. But Episode 5 is finally in the can!...or computer..or whatever.
ANYWAYS it's listener's choice this episode! We discuss our thoughts on City of the Living Dead (Our FIRST Fulci film!) and Flight of the Living Dead.
And as usual, our weekly fuck off as well as horror crush of the week.
...as well as rambling about nothing. Like we do.
Unfortunately our last few seconds were cut off, but the reviews are intact.

Listen Here!


Bonus Material: EQUINOX!!

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Creepy Crafts

Just a few more days and Cins and I should FINALLY be able to get episode five out! I hope everyone is still sticking with us, and would like to mention that this hiatus is ENTIRELY my fault.

This is the time of year where I start to get dreamy, and find myself thoughts drifting of their own accord to my favorite time of year which is, of course, Halloween. According to one of my favorite websites, Halloween is Here, spooky times are only 123 days away as of this posting. Hell, by the end of next month we'll be seeing Trick or Treat candy in stores! And personally, I LOVE it.

So this seemed like the ideal time to share the accidental Halloween craft I ended up doing for a loved one. One of my nephews is still very small, and he has developed a deep and profound love affair with his two Care Bears, Harmony Bear and Funshine Bear. While at my house he was rooting through my eBay stuff, and stumbled across some Care Bear accoutrements I had forgotten I possessed. He found a dress for the same-sized CBs he has, as well as a sleeping bag and a pillow, also the perfect size. He immediately claimed them as his own, and I gave them to him, wondering how hard his dad was going to let me have it when he discovered I'd given his son a dress to play with. (As it turns out, my brother took it all in stride, and just rolls his eyes when he sees it.)

After discovering that these items were several years old and therefore unlikely to be found at our local Fred Meyer's (Kroger's to all on the East coast), I was press-ganged into making him a duplicate of each item. How this became a Halloween craft lays in my cloth inventory: almost all of my fabric stash is Halloween themed because a: I'm planning on making myself an All Hallow's quilt, and b: I just really fucking like Halloween.

The Tiny Terror picked the fabric he liked which I immediately nay-sayed; he picked purple fabric for a purple bear. He got black instead. I will sew for him, I will not offend my own aesthetics for him! Plus he was fine with the black.

Here are the pleats pinned into place. I stabbed the shit out of myself several times doing this, and two of my nephews kept taking off with my pin cushion; apparently that was the coolest fake tomato-and-strawberry combo that ever was.

Anyone who has ever had to hand stitch pleats will understand my frustration. Normally with a machine you pin your pleats and then zip a line as fast as fucking possible, but my machine has apparently been watching The Exorcist a lot and getting ideas; at the moment it just turns into a hell-mouth and bites at me whenever I try to use it.

Here the pleats and hem have been poorly sewn. He's six, he doesn't give a crap.

I was SO glad to be finished with those pleats. Small hands kept trying to "help" and subsequently the pins would slip. I may have flipped off the skirt after I had it all sewn. Hard. Like, the ligaments in my finger hurt afterward.

Waistband attached. Not sure why a bear with no waist needs one, but hey, I'm just the seamstress.

This part was fairly easy once I got everything folded and pinned. I am fortunate in that I have nimble fingers, and also that I have about a bajillion pins and would gleefully pin shit into submission, then taunt it.

This looks so flirty, especially for a Care Bear.

Here the straps that will become the sleeves are attached the the apron front. The other dress has little ruffled cap sleeves attached to the straps, but I was suddenly struck with the notion that I would have to hem on a curve and then pleat AGAIN, then attach, and I decided it was now more of a sundress. Harmony Bear needed some vitamin D. "D" for "Don't do that to yourself".

TA-DAAA!

And there's the finished product. I have to admit that it was gratifying to succeed in this; I have never taken a proper sewing class, and did this dress by eyeballing it, as patterns both frustrate and intimidate me (I don't know how to do darts). Fortunately, I'm very good at taking things apart in my head, so I just reduced the simple design of the dress down to shapes and ended up with my own variation. To date I still need to attach a pocket, but over all, I consider it done. The Tiny Terror loves the dress, and really, that's all that matters, right? Plus, I have to be honest: little boys playing with Care Bears is adorable, and there's not a damn thing wrong with it.

So there's my post on how I made a creepy dress for a Care Bear! Aren't you glad you read that? Do you feel like a better, stronger person? Do you feel that YOU TOO could make dresses for small relations, regardless of gender? Then POST PICTURES, fool!

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Creepy Crap For Sale

Not literally. I think eBay frowns on people trying to move bio-hazardous materials through their auction site.

I'm selling some stuff to help address my real-life problems as described by my delightful partner in crime, one post below. If you guys would be nice enough to take a look and see if there's anything you like there (or pass on the link if you know someone else who might like this) I would really, REALLY appreciate it. There's a melange of stuff though I only have 8 items up at the mo, but more, and a lot of it Halloween related, will go up tomorrow.

Stac's ebay junk

Thanks guys, and thanks for bearing with me!

Creepy Kitch/Sassycast Special Episode!

Hey all!
So Stac, has run into a few real life shenanigans which means that Episode 5 is going to be delayed until after forth of July. I hope you all stay tuned until then!

To hold you over, I give you the guest hosting stint that Stac and I did on our "sister" podcast, Sassycast. Hopefully this will tide you over until we're back on track.
Hopefully this will also be available on our iTunes for downloading soon!
A big thanks to Roy and Chris for hosting us crazy bitches.

Thanks again for sticking with us for this long!

Listen Here!

Friday, June 4, 2010

Lymph Lymph Everywhere..

Its almost 3 am and here I sit, writing a paper that's due in 8 hours. I have to be up for class in 5. My paper is on Mayan origin stories, taken from the Popol Vuh, which is the text that explains the creation of the world in Mayan belief systems. It was miraculously saved from destruction when European contact was made with the New World; the Mayans hid it.

As I write this paper, I am listening to the theme to Clive Barker's Nightbreed, one of my favorite movies, and one of my favorite pieces of thematic music. Clive Barker's work is always bloody, but it's more than that, too, it's lymphy, I once heard it described, and that description has always stuck with me as the perfect summation of the look of a lot of his gore.

So while listening to lymph music, what do I read, in a section on human sacrifice but this:
"You will become great in your very being. Defeat all the tribes. They must bring blood and lymph before us, they must come to embrace us. They belong to us already." (Popol Vuh, 163-4, Tedlock translation).

That's a lot of lymph for 3 in the morning.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Preview: Episode 5 - Listener's Choice!

Yup! We picked the films for our first Listeners' Choice Ep! We'll be covering these two movies:

Flight of the Living Dead. Recommended by Matthew.


And to continue on our dead theme we'll also be covering Fulci's City of the Living Dead. Recommended by our own Metal Mikey.


Thank you all for you suggestions! We ended up with a hella'va list! If we didn't pick your movie, don't be discouraged, we plan to do more Listeners' Choice episodes in the future, so please keep recommending them to us!

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Family Pain

Just a quick note: Next podcast ep is supposed to be viewer's choice. So send us your choices! Got something absolutely AWFUL? Got something that hurt you so bad you want someone else to hurt with you? Found a hidden gem? Got a guilty pleasure? GIMME, FUCKERS!

So Cins is off playing pirate for the next week, and I have been left to keep the cobwebs if not cleared out then at least festively sprayed with glitter. I was listening to the fine lads over at Drunken Zombie talk about Hitchcock's Psycho, and my own family's recurring trauma sprung back to life in my brain pan.

The first story is not Hitchcock-specific, but it was something that plagued my whole family. That plague was my father, Steven. Or as I call him, Dad. Dad everyonce in a while decides that some family member's pulse is faaaaaar too calm, and he tries to find some way to terrorize that person. His favorite attack point? The bathroom. His favorite place to get you? The shower. He scared me so damn many times that now, in my early thirties, I still have to open the shower curtain and occasionally peer nervously around for a lurking figure with mania on his mind. To show the true depth of this trauma: I haven't lived with my parents since I was 14. Some scars run deep. To exacerbate it, I'm a screamer, so many was the time I'd be a small child, laying down in the tub, washing my hair, only to open my eyes and see my father's face, mere inches from mine, staring. I screamed a lot as a child.

But Dad's favorite target by far has always been my mother. I will refer to her here as "Mom". Mom is also a screamer; apparently those genes are dominant in this bloodline. Dad's favorite thing to do was to either tear the shower curtain open and shriek, or sneak in and put a cold pop can against Mom's neck. Seriously, did you guys think I came by my vicious personality purely via nature? Nurture had a lot to with it, too. We'd see Dad start giggling, creep into their room and the attached bathroom, and then shortly there after we'd hear Mom scream, Dad's giggle increase, and Mom holler "DAMMIT, STEVEN!" Sometimes he'd even get her twice in the same shower.

But on one glorious, deeply hilarious day, my father got his comeuppance in a big way, and I was in the house to see Karma bite my father firmly on the ass. He had gone a'sneakin', as usual. Mom was getting ready to bathe, but not int he shower yet, and brushing her hair out. Dad, seeing this, dropped down into a crouch so she wouldn't see him in the mirror. He was getting ready to grab her and scare the shit out of her, when she adjusted her towel. At the same time Dad was moving forward. Her elbow met the bridge of his nose. The elbow said "wallop", and in reply, his nose replied "crunch!". My mother had accidentally broken my father's nose.

It was fucking glorious.

In a truly wonderful reversal, we in the living room hear a muffled roar, followed by "DAMMIT, ALLAYNE!" Dad came out of their room cupping his nose, blood flowing copious and red, and Mom following him, trying to apologize and cackling at the same time. I joined her-- I also got the cackle gene-- and those of us who had been terrorized by my dad in the past (i.e, all of us) followed them into the kitchen, essentially to point and laugh at my father.

Now I personally take the more proactive approach to scare-based revenge-- my current favorite is to tell my dad I'm dropping out of college because I'm pregnant and have the father narrowed down to one of several potential fathers. He falls for it every time. I have also been known to hide in a closet and leap out with a scream-- what I'm saying is if you scare me (and it's really fucking easy, sadly), I WILL get you back.

But Mom didn't have to; payback got her revenge on my Dad for her. To add to it, Dad looked like a raccoon for several days after, and talked funny to boot. So remember this if you like to scare your significant other, to terrorize her (or him) in a variety of ways, much like my father. Just remember: payback really can be a bitch.

Monday, May 24, 2010

Creepy Kitch Podcast Episode 4: Scarred for Life


Here it is! Episode 4: Scarred for Life. Stac and Cins discuss two movies that shaped the horror fans they are today; Disney's The Watcher In The Woods, and Spielberg's Poltergeist.
Also included is the Weekly Fuck Off to customers who don't listen and smug I-Hop commercials and our new segment: Horror Crush of The Week!

Warning, we were a little cracked out this ep on wine and lack of sleep.

ENJOY!

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Episode 5 Is Listener's Choice!

So tonight we'll be recording Episode 4. But that doesn't mean we don't like to plan in advance!
Stac and I have decided that Episode 5 will be our first even Listener's Choice Episode. So now you have to opportunity to torture us ladies into squirming messes...trust me...it doesn't take a lot.

So if you have a movie to recommend or want us to do a review of something on the show, leave a comment here or on our Facebook page ( Yup, we went mainstream. God help us), or drop us a line at creepykitchgals @ gmail . com.

We'll pick two and watch them for episode 5!

Let us know what you think!

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Ghost story supliments for Episode 3

For those of you who listened to Episode 3 -This Old House, we mentioned posting some back links to past entries about our personal ghost stories. So here's a list of some older entries we did for easy reading access!

The two main ones we mentioned:
The Spooky Adventures of Stac and Cins is all about the weird photograph we took at The Whaley House in Old Town San Diego.
This Article and This Article discuss our last ghost hunting trip to Old Town San Diego. The First one is my take on it. The second one is Stac's.

Also, for your reading pleasure:
Personal Ghost Story: Preteen Edition
Wall O' Text AHOY!
Creepy Guy or Tree?


ALSO! I have adjusted the comments to post automatically after a text code prompt. So now you no longer have to wait for one of us to mod you comments! Why did I do this you ask? Because I ended up DELETING two very good and legit comments because I didn't have my coffee this morning and was on total auto pilot. UGH! So sorry to Colleen and iZombie. We're not shunning you... I'm just a moron in the morning without my coffee. This will probably be the usual...until the Japanese porn spam gets out of hand.

ALSO! Creepy Kitch now has its own email! if you have any questions or comments on the blog or on the podcast you can not only comment here but you can drop us a line at:

creepykitchgals@gmail.com

Both Stac and I will have access to this so feel free to write to either of us at this email.
Look at us...getting all growns up and stuff.

Preview: Episode 4 -Scarred for Life

Hey Folks!
Here's a preview of what's to come on Episode 4!
Childhood trauma movies! Stac and I will be discussing movies that scarred us for life as little children. Our two discussion targets will be Disney's The Watcher In The Woods from 1980 and Spielberg's ever infamous Poltergeist from 1982.

Here's some Trailers:





As usual, give em a watch and let us know your opinions for the next ep!

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Creepy Kitch Podcast Episode 3: This Old House


Don't look now! Its Episode 3!
On this episode Stacy and I discuss House of the Devil and The Changeling! We also discuss personal ghost stories from our pasts.
And we talk people with neck beards and shitty parenting in the weekly Fuck Off Segment..because sometimes you just gotta tell them to fuck off.
Check it out!

Sunday, May 9, 2010

I Probably Should Have Just Gone to Bed.

I stayed up until 3 am this morning watching Mongolian Death Worm. Now, with a title this stupid, and the fact that it was on, of course!, SciFi (I know how they spell it; much like Prince's stupid symbol, I refuse to participate.) I should have known better. I really, really should have. But this was one of those weird movies that had a cast that was way too good for it. Sean Patrick Flannery was the lead, Daniel, and was way too charming for my getting to bed at a decent time. He also had a great, low-key chemistry with the female lead, Dr. Alicia Something, played by Victoria Pratt.

This movie is supposed to have been set in the vast Mongolian grasslands. Hilariously, everyone in this drives a vehicle; from what I've heard (and it is admittedly second hand. I'd go look it up but, well, it's Sunday and.. uh.. I don't wanna.) the Mongolian tundra is simply too big for vehicles to be viable. There's no place to refuel, a big reason for why the nomadic people in that area prefer horseback. There are also several shots, at the experimental oil drilling facility (run by the expected Evil White Guys Corp) of very lush, manicured lawns, and what appeared to be a forested area. Mongolia does have forested areas, but I'm pretty sure they're not smack in the middle of the tundra, ya know?

But my faaaaaavorite part of this movie was the BLATANT paternalism running rampant and peeing all over the conflicting landscape of Pretend Mongolia. Every single Asian person in this film that was given a name is eaten by the worms (except in one case where someone is inexplicably shot by a member of Evil White Guys Corp. Still not sure why on that one). There was one person of Asian extraction who was portrayed as competent, the local cowboy hat wearing sheriff (?) named Timur. He kicked wormy ass, and then, to punish his hubris for being a competent non-white person in a shitty horror movie, he is literally eaten in the last two minutes of the film. Yeah, fuck you too, movie. Only Whitey could save everyone!

There's also some subplot about finding and looting Ghengis Khan's tomb, but I think I was playing Pet Society on Facebook or something when they explained that. The movie ends with the Evil White Guys Corp goin' 'splode, and then dead guy gold rains down on our cackling survivors. Apparently, heated up gold coins don't hurt when they fall on you from great heights! Who knew? I'm going to cite this film in my defense when I climb a building with scrap jewelry and a slingshot. I think my chances of getting off are pretty good, honestly.

The CGI in the film was almost decent for the most part; the worms, which looked like giant maggots mashed violently with hook worms, looked pretty good, which means they looked gross and squishy. The worms also had a second mouth inside the first: yes, this movie is essentially a Tremors rip-off but with more passive racism and less Fred Ward.

Now, there is an actual rural legend in Mongolia, called the Mongolian Death Worm. I'm sure it sounds way cooler in Mongolian. The actual legend is pretty interesting, and I suggest you look it up.

In summation: I should have gone to bed.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Creepy Kitch SPECIAL Episode! - Guest Host on Sassycast



Check out this special treat!
On the side, when I'm not watching horror films and being obsessive about miniature things, I co-host a non horror podcast with my friends Roy and Chris called "Sassycast: Roy and Chris' Adventure Fun Time Show", a fun Slice 'o Life style podcast.
Turns out Roy (also known as Cinematic Slice of Cheese here on the comments) has become quite a fan of Creepy Kitch. So he asked Stac and I to come guest host an episode of his podcast.
And Lemme tell you, its insanely chaotic.
So come listen to the four us us chat about horror films, cult films, and our sassy lady hampers!

You can find Sassycast on iTunes, Facebook, and Mevio. Check them out! Its laugh riot!

Listen on in to our episode!

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Preview: Episode 3 -This Old House

Well I would have done this sooner. But to be honest, Episode 2 had no preview since we really had no clue what Episode 2 was going to be until about a week before we recorded it....and then we kept changing our minds on the movies....
Because we're prepared like that.

But we're actually planning ahead for Episode 3 so here's a sneak preview of what we're going to cover!

HAUNTED HOUSES!! OOoOOOooOOOoH!

On Episode 3, Stac and Cins share thoughts on two movies; House of the Devil, and The Changeling.
Check out their Trailers!





We're also going to be sharing some of our own personal ghost stories. Trust me...Stac as a TON of them.
So stay tuned in two weeks!

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Creepy Kitch Podcast Episode 2: Horror Comedies


Stac and Cins are back with Episode 2, Horror Comedies that AREN'T Shaun of the Dead!
We discuss The Fearless Vampire Killers, Vampires Anonymous, and Undead...when we're not going off on more tangents. Our sound Quality is SLOWLY improving...the key word here is slowly....slooooooooowly.

Give It A Listen!

Thursday, April 15, 2010

FINALLY! : Creepy Kitch Podcast Episode 1!!







So Stac and I have determined one thing...technology despise us.
Truly.
It hates us with with the fire of a thousand flaming nuns.
Have you ever seen a flaming nun? Trust me..they're hot. Literally.

But after wrestling with conversion issues, recording times, mic troubles, and still trying to figure out how to get our theme song onto the track (which, by the way, we haven't yet. So we have no theme music this episode), we finally go SOMETHING up! FINALLY! Its a small victory for us. But one that feel OH so glorious.

So here you have it folks, Creepy Kitch the Podcast, Episode 1 - Children in Peril!

On our fresh virgin episode Stac and I review Silent Hill, Dolls, and The Gate.

Some quick notes: Our sound quality isn't that great (Well actually my side of the cast is pretty damn quiet...stupid Skype) and this is mostly my fault. My Mac went kerflooy a few months back and I've been operating on my husband's laptop. And unfortunately the poor lil thing doesn't have enough power for me to get a good sound mixer. BUT I am working towards getting a new computer and when I do...well I'll eventually figure out how to get better sound quality. Next ep we promise that you'll be able to hear me better. Until then I really hope it won't detour you from listening to us. Occasionally Stac and I say something profound.
...Actually we just curse a lot.
Regardless, enjoy! We hope it was worth the wait!
If anyone has any advice on how to get better sound please let us know! We're open to suggestions!!

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Creepy History

Quickie update first: our premiere podcast should go live sometime this week; I'm trying to figure out how to splice in music for the opening and closing, then we'll upload, etc. Big big thanks (and blame) to Mike from the Cadaver Lab Podcast; thankfully he knows what he's doing, because Cins and I so do not. We'll post here when the episode goes live.

I've bitched endlessly in previous posts that I am a history major with the burgeoning carpal tunnel to prove it. Truthfully, I love history, and am very glad in my four year degree program of choice; it really is fascinating. It's also frequently morbid as hell. Try learning about Ivan IV of Russia-- you'll see why he earned his title of "Ivan the Terrible". Look up what happened to the first "False Dmitri" in Russian history-- it's gruesome and also, because I'm a ghoul, hilarious. It involves his ashes, a canon, and Poland!

In one of my current classes this quarter we've focused on the 1919 Influenza epidemic. This killed more Americans than all of the wars of the 20th century combined. Some 20 to 40 million people are estimated to have died in this pandemic, and the terrifying fact is that it came out of no where, went with the American Doughboys to WWI, infected who knows how many, enemy and ally alike, then mutated (and also killed more American troops than European combat did), came back, and continued to spread, spread, spread.

The most chilling part? The stories of kids playing on stacked caskets, pretending they were pyramids, and the jump rope rhyme that kids came up with:

"I had a little bird,
his name was Enza,
I opened up the window,
and in flew Enza!"

This is, for me, creepier than the rhyme from the Nightmare on Elm Street series. How hard would your blood curdle if you heard kids singing that one while jumping rope? When we did it as kids the worst thing I remember happening is Cinderella kissing a snake on accident, but at least she immediately got medical help in the jump rope rhyme. By the way, if you get that, you are hardcore, playground awesome!

This is just proof that sometimes, reality is scarier than anything we can dream up in fiction.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

In the mean time: Book Reviews

Sorry about the radio silence folks. Stac and I have been concentrating on getting the podcast recorded. You know what sucks? Trying to schedule two very busy women together on Skype, that's what sucks. If I was a shut in, this wouldn't be a problem. Luckily it looks like we'll be recording this week and releasing next week. We'll be sure to announce it.

So in the mean time, here's some book recommendations to sling at ya!



Under The Dome

I finished the epic book that was Under The Dome last night. And you know what? I really enjoyed it. I think I enjoyed it more than I should since most things I've heard about it were mixed at best. But I have to admit, its up there as one of my favorite Stephen King novels I've read. Actually its one of the most engrossing novels I've read so far this year. Sir Stephen does an great job creating a thick tapestry of characters and interweaving story lines in this disaster tale. While at heart its definitely a Sci-Fi story, the atrocities presented in it are on par with any horror novel. I found myself comparing it to the "A Song of Fire and Ice" series by George R.R. Martin, but set in modern times. If you like a story with a huge interesting cast and a ton of power struggles, this one is up your alley. Plus it has one of the best villains I've every read, Big Jim Rennie, a man you LOVE to hate. I also have to give Sir Stephen some credit here for the female characters in this book. They are some tough and strong bitches, my favorite being Julia Shumway, the cynical and sharp newspaper editor.
As I stated earlier in another post, I sense the impending film adaptation of Under The Dome on the horizon. And I hope hope HOPE that they forgo a movie and instead do a seven part miniseries on HBO or Showtime or ANY pay cable network. There is so much detail to this story that it can't be told in an hour or two. And the horrors that happen really need to happen in full out gore and uncensored glory to get the point across that these people are fucked.
This book made me want to go back and read The Stand again to compare and contrast. There are a lot of parallels between the two, only Under the Dome is on a much smaller scale.
HIGHLY recommended.




Truthseekers: Welcome to Blackriver and Truthseekers II: Birthright

I mentioned my friend Rob St. Martin, in an article a while back and I skimmed over his books really quick in the article. Therefore I felt I need to come back and give a little more detail on what I consider crack. I'm sure none of you have heard of either of these books or of this author before. This is probably because his novels have been self published. And while Rob is a dear friend of mine, I really wouldn't bother posting an article on these books if I didn't think they were worth the read.
Truthseekers and Truthseekers II are young adult novels. I would not call them out and out horror novels, they have a lot of supernatural elements and creeptastic moments. But don't let that stop you from picking them up. The writing and story lines were sophisticated enough to keep my 34 year old brain entertained. The Truthseekers series follows a young woman, Ashley, who's parents were brutally murdered and she is sent to a small town of Blackriver to live with her cousin. And Blackriver? Well its kind of a strange, STRANGE place. The first book is comprised of many short stories about Ashely and her new friends confronting the weird and wild. While there is a bit of a threw line, each story stands alone very well. Mr. Rob writes a cast of very endearing characters and twists cliched elements such as vampires, ghosts, and cults to feel very fresh and new. I also have to commend him for writing teenage females like real teenage females. He never goes into the vapid girls constantly worrying about their make-up and kissing boys territory and truly gets into the mind of a young woman at that sensitive age. Granted, the Make-up and kissing boys are there but its not the ONLY thing that is there. Props to you Mr. Rob. Not many men can do that. And while sometimes the story feels like its meandering at times, it always picks itself back up and gets right back on track.
Truthseekers II: Birthright is a continuation of the story of Ashley and the gang. Personally I enjoyed this one more. The writing was tighter and the storyline that Mr. Rob is creating is becoming more and more relevant, making it feel much more like a novel and less like a short story anthology. And while the book will appeal to the younger set, he never ever dumbs down the threats and scares. Its not an out and out gore fest but it has a lot of suspense and some great creativity. Also, it has a battle of the bands where our leading lady shames someone in song....which is the only way I'd want to shame someone. Now that the summer months are approaching, these books would be perfect to pick up. Both are quick reads, perfect to put down then pick right back up again and fall into the story head on.
Truthseekers III: Level Up has finally been released and I am eagerly awaiting my copy.
Another high reccomend.

Monday, March 22, 2010

Be Prepared...

This...

is Stac



This...

Is Cins.


Together, their vaginas are haunted.

But other than that. I'm sure you're wondering "Hmm..the girls have been pretty quiet lately.". OR you've been wondering "JEEZUS! Don't they ever update regularly?! EVER?!"
Well either way, we have quite the legitimate reason to have gone so quiet over this month. Reasons that don't involve finals, mortgage, work, or taking the time out to beat someone senseless on Pirates of the Caribbean.

And this plan has been in the works since last year's Convergence.

Stac and I are pretty avid Podcast listeners. Stac has heard just about all of them. I'm just getting started, being addicted to Cadaver Lab, Night of the Living Podcast, and now dabbling in The Dark Hours Podcast, and Drunken Zombie. After some lengthy discussion and copious amounts of wine, Stac and I decided to join in on the fun. Welcome to the wonderful world of Podcasting, Creepy Kitch.

We still plan to blog here like usual, but now, we will also be releasing a Podcast every two weeks. Our first recording session will be this Thursday night and BOY do we have a doozy lined up! Hopefully you'll stay tuned to listen to our Sexy sexy voices...and by sexy I mean liquor drenched and surly.
We'll be making an announcement on the blog about our first broadcast this week so Stay Tuned!

EDIT: Note to self....do not moderate comments when not awake. Sorry folks. I hit the wrong button and rejected comments for this post...because I'm talented like that. Feel free to post them again!

Monday, March 15, 2010

Monsters Vs Madmen. Round 8!

Once again...I am stunned.

You Killed Severen?!
SEVEREN?!?!

I am at a loss for words...I'm also surprised by the amount of Marlow fans who read this blog. But bravo Senor Pointy Mouth! You have lived to fight another round!

Now you are going up against the strong but silent supernatural type.

Monsters Vs Madmen Round 8 we have:



Marlow from 30 Days of Night

VS

Mahogany from Midnight Meat Train!

For those who still have yet to see Midnight Meat Train go rent it...now. Its friggin' awesome.

Lets see them both in un-embeddable action.

Mahogany has a typical evening at work

Marlow has mad people skillz.

Vote Now! We'll announce the winner next week and the winner will go off to the winner's circle to await the Battle Royal!

3-2-1

FIGHT!!!