The Good, The Bad, and the Exorcist

I love The Exorcist.
Yeah, I guess that means you can call me old school but I love that movie. Its definitely in my top ten horror films of all time. Its one of those films that I can pop into the PS3 at any time...which has proven a little annoying to the hubby since now I know this movie by heart. I know a lot of younger horror fans really don't see what the big deal is with The Exorcist. And looking at it by today standards, it can be considered pretty tame. But as a person who was born in the 70's and as a Catholic (Well, Catholic Lite. Not quite Catholic enough.) this movie still gives me the heebies even after the 200th viewing.
Unfortunately AND fortunately The Exorcist spawned two sequels and two prequels. I consider The Exorcist to be one of those magical movies. It was a film that had all the right elements. Great acting, great screenplay, great source material, and a fearless director is what put this movie in a special breed of horror that is reserved for films like The Shining and Let the Right One In. So trying to duplicate it is pretty close to impossible. Do I think any of the movies equal the original? Not really, no. But I have to say two out of the four are pretty darn good. Yeah...I was as surprised as you are.

Lets Start with The Bad...

Exorcist II: The Heretic
Well, this movie works for a good drunken horror film night for sure. The movie is generally about Linda Blair's Regan having grown up and SURPRISE! The demon decides to come back and fuck with her again. It has some unintentionally hilarious moments such as Linda Blair trying to be sexily demon possessed, that very bizarre hypno mirror light machine do-hicky, and Richard Burton saying Pazuzu so much that it should be made into a drinking game. I love camp and bad horror films but since I have such a love for the original, well, it just doesn't do it for me. Exorcist II: The Heretic is a product of the studio machine. You can just picture the meeting for this movie:
"We'll do a sequel! But we'll make it SEXY!"
"Yeah! Sexy!"
"Yeah! Linda can sex it all up! And we'll put some more action in it. The Exorcist needs some more action. How about Locusts!?"
"Oh! And the Demon should have a name! I mean we should make it a character and all! Get into its skin! Market some dolls to the kids!"
"I got a great name! Pazuzu!"
"Perfect! Kids will LOVE it!"

I will admit, the locust scene is pretty fun to watch, but the whole movie leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I would say more about it but...well...there really isn't a whole lot to say. Most of it is ridiculous and what isn't is so unmemorable that I can barely write about it. I don't hate it but I really don't love it either. But one thing it did give us; that great Futurama episode were Dr. Farnsworth howled "PAZUUUUZUUUUU!" to call back his beloved pet demon.
I may revisit this movie after a pint of rum.

Exorcist: The Beginning
This movie makes me angry...violently angry. We're talking Jeepers Creepers rage here. I remember planning to catch it in the theaters. Luckily, my brother in law (who is also an Exorcist fan) stopped me. And I'm so glad he did. I ended up renting it for a buck from Blockbuster months later out of curiosity. I believe they found me on top of a clock tower with a cross bow and several hostages after the viewing. Stac managed to talk me down via cell phone with promises of rainbow bunnies and chocolate covered hugs. I don't want to think about the aftermath if I had seen it in the theater.
The movie is suppose to cover Father Merrin's younger years when he performed his first exorcism on a young boy in Africa. Or so that's what the original Exorcist said happened. In this movie there really isn't a little boy and Father Merrin is a priest in the same way you can call Paris Hilton a good role model for the kiddies.
A little background on the prequel of the Exorcist. This movie was in development Hell. It went through several directors and writers before it was finally written by William Wishing and directed by Paul Schrader. But during a studio viewing the powers that be apparently though that it needed more sex and violence (see above discussion in Exorcist II) and tossed him off the project. In comes Renny Harlin who has done such prestigious films like Cliffhanger, Deep Blue Sea, and The Adventures of Ford Fairlane to direct. Because if one thing the Exorcist is known for, its its thrilling action sequences, sharks, and Andrew Dice Clay.
Now the new screenwriter, Alexi Hawley apparently likes to write by braille because I seriously doubt he even saw the original Exorcist at all. The continuity with the original film is non existent, the characters are completely off mark, and the story makes no sense what so ever. You can practically see poor Stellan Skarsgard as Father Merrin rolling his eyes with every line delivery. Combine all that with an unnecessary opening shot of a bunch of CGI guys crucified upside down and the need to make Father Merrin Indiana Jones, complete with putting on a Fedora and walking off into the sunset and this is the perfect movie to induce rage in me.
If anyone ever happens to run into any studio execs who worked on this film, please hit them....with a cast iron skillet...then feed them to rabid monkeys...then laugh at them.

NOW on to the good...

Exorcist III: Legion
You may all pick your jaws off the floor now. Seriously, this movie was actually GOOD. Exorcist III: Legion is much more on par with the original, not only with its tone, but with its storyline as well. The movie picks up years after the original film and follows Kinderman running into Father Karris's body possessed by something nasty. That nasty is brilliantly portrayed by one of my all time favorite creepy men, Brad Dourif. The demon popped itself back in Karris's body and brought it back to life just because it enjoyed the irony....that's pretty fucked up.
The movie is a lot like the original with its build up being very character driven. A good deal of the movie is spent between Kinderman (now played by George C. Scott) and the Gemini Killer Demon (Dourif) talking...or actually Dourif talking and Scott looking genuinely freaked out. That is interspersed with crazy old people, freaky dream sequences, and a little old lady crawling on the ceiling. The movie is directed by William Peter Blatty, the writer of The Exorcist novel. I believe this was his first film. And while it does suffer from first time director clumsiness in places, the movie itself is extremely well done. I'd say the weakest part is the ending exorcism scene. The original scrip did not end with an exorcism. But the studio felt that if you're going to name a film Exorcist III, you better damn well have an exorcism in there! Though its not a bad scene, it does feel a bit tacked on. But a priest getting his skin ripped off and George C. Scott giving a great speech about how he now believes in evil keeps it entertaining.
I'd have to say the best part of the movie is what is called "The white sheet scene". I believe this scene was featured in Bravo's Even Scarier Movie Moments. What is so masterful about that scene isn't the scare but the build up. The long lingering shot, the silence of the room, the mundane activities that seem to go on and on and yet you're positive something is going to happen. So positive that you start grinding your teeth while waiting.
It's not as brilliant as the original but it is a well crafted film worth watching.


Dominion: Prequel to the Exorcist.
I must not have been the only one on a clock tower after watching Exorcist: The Beginning. Because shortly after it was released on DVD, Dominion was released. Dominion is the original prequel directed by Paul Schrader before the studio infected it with their film herpes. Schrader actually shot and cut the complete film together before the studio decided to scrap it. And its a much more in depth, exciting, and meaningful ride than the original prequel ever was.
Once again, we follow the beginning years of Father Merrin but unlike Exorcist: The Beginning, Father Merrin is in character. He is still a priest, but struggling with his faith after a horrible tragedy that he took part in when the Nazi's invaded his town in Europe. The movie feels more like a World War II drama with supernatural elements more than a horror film. But then, to make an Exorcist film you need to have a drama at heart to build the horror off of. I never realized what a butcher job the original prequel was until I saw Dominion. There were some great stories, subplots, and wonderful acting cut from the film. Some of the great characters that were lost include Father Francis a young optimistic priest who is the antithesis of Father Karris in the original movie, CheChe the possessed boy in question, and Sargent Major a hard British Sargent who starts to go off the deep end. You also get to see Stellan Skarsgard's wonderful performance as Father Merrin which was lost in the re cut prequel. The whole film is extremely tense. There is tension between the African natives and the Christian missionaries, tension between the local tribes and the British soldiers, tension between the locals and the outcast CheChe, as well as tension between Father Merrin and his slipping faith in his religion. This in turn effects the viewer and you feel completely wound up as you watch the movie. It can be slow moving at times but it never gets boring. The films major short comings are a really bad score which sounds like it was recorded on a Casio keyboard, and its God awful CGI. But I chalk both up to the fact that the film was never 100% completed and both those elements were slapped on for the DVD release. I can overlook that but for those who cannot stand bad CGI, beware.
Once again, its not as good as the original and actually I don't think its as good as Exorcist III. But its a movie that does justice to the character of Father Merrin and its worth the watch.

Yeah, I got a bit long winded there. Thanks for sticking around this far! But The Exorcist is one of those films I feel pretty passionate about. Hopefully you'll give Dominion and Exorcist III a chance if you haven't before. They are definitely worth a peek. And even Exorcist II would be worth a watch after excessive alcohol and a bunch of friends.
But I still stand by my conviction of feeding the execs for Exorcist: the Beginning to rabid monkeys.
Outbreak spider monkeys.
Seriously.
I live by a zoo.
I can do this.

Back From The Abyss! Oh, and Zombie Strippers.

So we have returned from the dark abyss known as the holiday season. But I got lots of swag and managed to spoil my 8 month old nephew so it was a good time.
Hopefully we haven't lost any of you peeps out there. If so, perhaps we could lure you back with cookies?
If not, how about a review of Zombie Strippers?

Will that work?
Come on all, lets ring in the new year with fake titties and gore! Who could ask for anything more?!


I honestly think I'm one of the very few women who wanted to really see this movie. Seriously. I jumped up and down on the couch, grabbed my husband's arm and yelled 'WE HAVE TO SEE THIS!!" to him when I first saw the trailer online. After that moment I was granted the title "best wife ever" which I wear with pride. Unfortunately, we couldn't find a showing of it in our city so we had to wait until DVD. And that moment was last night.

And lemme tell ya, it was one hellava ride!
Here's a taste of the movie if you have no idea what I'm talking about.



The long and short of Zombie Strippers is as follows: The government created a chemical to create super solders. But unfortunately due to a long paragraph of scientific sounding words that really make no sense, it turns people into zombies. The marines are called in to take care of things, one infected escapes, hides out in a strip club then bites Jenna Jameson on the neck during a performance. The infection both kills her and turns her into a super zombie stripper which drive the men folks wild I tells ya! WILD! But lil' Jenna unfortunately has that hunger for human flesh and it creates a bit of chaos as the weeks roll by. Before you know it, we're all sitting on the edge of Armageddon holding paintball guns and trying to guess which breasts are real and which ones were store bought.
This, my friends, was an awesome movie.

Zombie Strippers is pure fun. The cast obviously had a blast making it. The acting was porn star level but what do you expect when you have a porn star as your leading zombie? And to Miss Jameson's credit, she was fantastic. The woman cracked me up. She had no problem playing something mildly disgusting and even poked fun at herself and her porn persona. But of course, for that horror touch of class, Robert Englund elevated this movie from B to all out cult classic. I love this man. He makes what probably would have been a throw away part as the strip club's sleazy yet germophobic owner into a role that completely steals the show.

But the biggest star of this movie was not Englund or Jenna Jameson's boobs but the clown gore. OH THE GLORIOUS CLOWN GORE! There were some fantastic gags in this film. We have a head being torn in half, a peen getting bit off, Jenna Jameson staple gunning her throat back together, a zombie stripper catfight, and probably the funniest joke involving ping-pong and billiard balls ever. And these are just a few of the highlights. CGI was minimal and they relied on good old fashioned makeup and blood effects which just made this movie all the better.

The big question I'm sure is "But Cins, this movie lacks your favorite angry bitches! Wouldn't you be offended by this?" Well, being a woman zombie fan I obviously when into this film for the zombies and not the strippers. But do I have something against boobies? Nope. I have a pair myself. I love my pair. I respect my pair. And if there are women who have no issues showing their pair off on film while rubbing them against a pole, then so be it. Go with God, fair titties! The stripper characters were such cartoons that I found no offence in them at all. Not to mention the men folk were just a dim as the women folk so there was really no "Men are superior and women are only good for their titties!" vibe to it. Surprisingly enough, I found the strippers in Zombie Strippers MUCH less offensive that any of the "dancers" in the movie Showgirls. At least in Zombie Strippers it was played for laughs. Besides, if you rent a movie called Zombie Strippers you should damn well know what you're getting into. So no, I was so not offended one bit. I love crazy camp.

This movie was all kinds of win and awesome. If you like over the top gore, total camp, and complete unapologetic stupidity, put this on your Netflix now.
I do hope they create a sequel... Zombie Male Strippers. That would rule.

The Signal: A Movie Recommendation

My Netflix queue reads like an entry on crimelibrary.com. Slaughter, blood, killing; I tend to get macabre all over my hobbies. The latest on my list is an indie flick called The Signal, and I think it's my new favorite film, already added to my Amazon wish list.

The movie came out in 2007, written and directed by David Bruckner, Dan Bush, and Jacob Gentry, and is an independent film. I love to watch indy cinema because you can find some serious treasure in the trash heap of low budget fare that comes out every year. This movie did not have a single wrong note for me; the acting was very solid, the story was weird and frightening, and I found every reaction to be a believable response to the insanity trying to consume the characters.

The basic premise is this: everything electronic that receives some form of signal (t.v, radio, phones) have gone haywire. They all spit out distorted, undecipherable sound, and televisions are showing a strange abstract pattern that pulses along with the noise. This is the signal, and it tends to have a teensy weensy affect on a lot of people: it tells them to kill everyone around them. And most people listen. You see everything from being bludgeoned to death with a baseball bat to decapitation with a shovel to a really gruesome poisoning scene. You struggle along with the main characters, and see some pretty upsetting stuff along the way.

There is a lot of emotion in this film, and the characters have more depth than I was expecting. I'm honestly a little in love with this film-- it's a strangely beautiful story, and I want to watch it again already. Major applause it due to all involved, from the writers/directors, to the main cast of actors: Anessa Ramsey as Mya, AJ Bowen as Lewis, Justin Welborn as Ben, Cheri Christian as Anna, and Scott Poythress as Clark.

Cins, you HAVE to check this out, seriously, you'll love it.

Those who read here, check it out, and tell us what you think! GO! GO NOW!