Preview: Episode 20- Listener's Choice

We're recording tonight.
Its our fourth Listener's Choice and there will be words. OH YES there will be words...

This coming ep we'll be discussing 1974's Ilsa: Shewolf of the SS.


And  2011's Ink


One of these movies filled us with rage. Which one? Stay tuned!

Halloween Decor

Alright my pretties, it's about that time of year, as we all know! As I am currently sifting through my vintage paper decorations for stuff to send to Cindy (and possibly putting stuff up around the house. There may or may not be at least two five foot tall paper skeletons up in Chez Spooky as I type this.), I wanna see your favorites!

Gimme pics of your homes, things you like to decorate with, haunted houses, or just things you'd like to one day own!

Bring it on!


I personally love vintage stuff, but I put up anything-- and I DO mean ANYTHING that catches my eyes. I'll update with pics once I get my lights up!

Carrie Lets The Bitches Have It!

Okay, being both female and a huge nerd I have a soft spot for the movie Carrie. I just re-watched it the other day and I forgot how much I love it. I love everything from Piper Laurie's over the top warbling "THEY'RE ALL GONNA LAUGH AT YOU!" to the extremely dates 70's styles, to the split screen shots of the carnage.
Yeah its pretty over the top and its also extremely dated. I mean have you SEEN the hair in that movie? More white guy Afros than you can shake a pick at! Not to mention Piper Laurie chews the scenery like a rabid beaver. But Sissy Spacek's performance was so vulnerable and so raw that I felt for her. And honestly? I can't picture anyone but Piper Laurie as Mrs. White. That over the top madness is what made that woman truly terrifying.

"Momma only wants to comfort you...with this knife."

I work with the public. I have encountered MANY a Mrs. White in my day. Piper Laurie's performance is pretty damn spot on. She's like the one woman who came into my place of work and left me a DVD of her cult leader's diatribe to listen to. Then she came BACK to my place of work four weeks later to see if I was ready to join the fold.
When I said no I had to give her the DVD back.
talk about a cheap cult leader.
But I digress.


There's something extremely fulfilling about the movie. I'm pretty sure I'm not the only nerd in the horror community and I'm positive I'm not the only nerd on the interwebs. Yet I never had a Hellish high school experience. Actually high school wasn't half bad for me. I was a reasonably socially accepted gal. I had my small circle of pals. Overall? High school was just kind of there for me. Yet I get this overwhelming feeling of satisfaction when Creepy Carrie goes all wall eyed on the cool kids and sets them a blaze.

Yeah....we've all been there.

I think everyone of us has a bit of Carrie in them....okay that sounded dirty.
I mean to say that we all have that insecure awkward part of us that is terrified that everyone IS gonna laugh at us. And we all have that part of us that wants to turn them all into over cooked ballpark franks when they do. Obviously we don't because we're mildly socially adjusted and know that setting people on fire is bad. But dammit, there are days.

By the way. There is a musical version of Carrie. Seriously.

Oh, you thought I was kidding?!

It played on Broadway for about seven days back in the 80's and is known as the biggest Broadway flop in history. I researched this show feverishly back in college. One of my prize possessions is a bootleg audio tape copy of a performance.
There is a kill the pig ballet.
I KID YOU NOT!!!
Don't believe me? Here's the actual moment from the show.


Don't ask me silly questions like why is everyone costumed for gay porn, why they're leaping across a flaming pit, and why there are no pigs. This Is ART!!!
And here's some reviews!



Bastards don't know what they're talking about.
I would given a toe to have seen it on stage.
There REALLY needs to be more rock horror musicals.


I recommend to any gal who is enjoying the horror genre to check out the original Carrie if they haven't. And if you're a musical theater geek like me, hunt down clips of the musical on youtube.

Carrie needs a hug...and therapy. But honestly? I probably wouldn't have stopped her from setting Chris Hargensen on fire.
The bitch had it coming.

The Convergence has begun!

Well..it began about two days ago but STILL!

And the horror began. Right in our living room! We found a great DVD on Netflix instant cue called Cheesy Horror Movie Trailers. Its about an hour long and its nothing but trailers from the 50's up to the 80's. Now it does contain some classic movies such as the original Friday the 13th (I will admit, that trailer is kinda shitty), Blacula, and The Fearless Vampire Killers but the majority of the trailers are really REALLY God awful and insanely laughable. And you don't even have to sit through the whole movie! Just the hilarious parts!

Stac and I made a list of ones we want..nay... NEED to see:

• Dr Jekyll and Sister Hyde
• Berserk -staring MS JOAN CRAWFORD! In some sort of circus setting.
• Werewolf Vs The Vampire Woman...where humping someone into submission IS a valid form of self defense.
• Abby -the Blaxplotation version of The Exorcist..nuff said.
• Sugar Hill -Blaxplotation zombie movie with some of the best looking Afros EVAR.
• The Sinful Dwarf...I kid you not. The movie is named The Sinful Dwarf. I repeat....The Sinful DWARF.... I NEED to see a movie called The Sinful Dwarf!! This is my purpose in life, damnit!

Hopefully Stac will Edit this entry to add the ones I'm missing. But those are the ones that stand out in my mind. This is mostly due to the soda I laughed out through my nose while watching them.
Anyways, The Convergence Begins! We will update from time to time with nonsense during the week. Until then, CHEERS!

Edit by Stac: You forgot EQUINOX!, the movie about nothing and everything, apparently, and TERROR! Starring Herve Villachaize as the tiny VooDoo monster, or whatever he was supposed to be. And yes, you DO need to see The Abominable Dr. Phibes, woman!

Chalk up another one for a drunken horror movie night!

I'm currently watching this gem.



Mustang Sally's Horror House.

Or...whore-er house. Less horror more porn-er.
Its kinda a Hostel meets Debbie Does Dallas. Since I'm currently watching it on Chiller its lacking the nuances such as nipples and the F Bomb.

The hubby and I are currently watching this sucker and we really cannot stop laughing. Its not Zombie Strippers by any stretch but I really would love to watch this sucker with some really snarky gal pals after a bottle of wine.

I would also like to point out this movie has the best hooker names EVER. Tushalene, LikiLick (shes the Asian one), Caressa, Titi-ana (don't you call her titty!), Persuasion, and the not quite creative but you see where this is going name, Kitty.

Check it out for a good Stupid horror film with big jugs!

Check out the trailer:

What the Fuck was THAT?

Seriously!!
I just finished watching one of the most cracked out films I've seen all month. And this is coming from someone who just watched Zombie Strippers and Frankenhooker.

The movie is called Bloody Mallory. And its French.
What the Hell is up with the French?!

I found this little gem on Hulu to keep me company while the hubby is out playing WarHammer 30k (For those wondering, he has an orc army). The movie is an insane campy romp full of demons, over acting, and drag queens. And its awesome.

The story revolves around a trio of supernatural commandos made up of an angry bitch named Mallory, her drag queen pal Vena Cava, and Talkie Tina the child mute telepath. They have to rescue the pope from demons. A priest pops up later to help from someplace. There's also a wacky vampire chick and a succubus who appears to have a giant clitorus on her head.
Everyone in this movie has fabulous hair and wears leather pants.

I do believe a group of Japanese drag queens wrote this movie because its almost like a life action anime...in french.
The costumes are ridiculous, the story is insane, and the acting is pretty lame. But my god its hilariously awesome!
This movie isn't a gore fest or even scary at all. But if you're looking for a good laugh and some great camp. Check it out.
Here's the movie right here. Enjoy!

Back From The Abyss! Oh, and Zombie Strippers.

So we have returned from the dark abyss known as the holiday season. But I got lots of swag and managed to spoil my 8 month old nephew so it was a good time.
Hopefully we haven't lost any of you peeps out there. If so, perhaps we could lure you back with cookies?
If not, how about a review of Zombie Strippers?

Will that work?
Come on all, lets ring in the new year with fake titties and gore! Who could ask for anything more?!


I honestly think I'm one of the very few women who wanted to really see this movie. Seriously. I jumped up and down on the couch, grabbed my husband's arm and yelled 'WE HAVE TO SEE THIS!!" to him when I first saw the trailer online. After that moment I was granted the title "best wife ever" which I wear with pride. Unfortunately, we couldn't find a showing of it in our city so we had to wait until DVD. And that moment was last night.

And lemme tell ya, it was one hellava ride!
Here's a taste of the movie if you have no idea what I'm talking about.



The long and short of Zombie Strippers is as follows: The government created a chemical to create super solders. But unfortunately due to a long paragraph of scientific sounding words that really make no sense, it turns people into zombies. The marines are called in to take care of things, one infected escapes, hides out in a strip club then bites Jenna Jameson on the neck during a performance. The infection both kills her and turns her into a super zombie stripper which drive the men folks wild I tells ya! WILD! But lil' Jenna unfortunately has that hunger for human flesh and it creates a bit of chaos as the weeks roll by. Before you know it, we're all sitting on the edge of Armageddon holding paintball guns and trying to guess which breasts are real and which ones were store bought.
This, my friends, was an awesome movie.

Zombie Strippers is pure fun. The cast obviously had a blast making it. The acting was porn star level but what do you expect when you have a porn star as your leading zombie? And to Miss Jameson's credit, she was fantastic. The woman cracked me up. She had no problem playing something mildly disgusting and even poked fun at herself and her porn persona. But of course, for that horror touch of class, Robert Englund elevated this movie from B to all out cult classic. I love this man. He makes what probably would have been a throw away part as the strip club's sleazy yet germophobic owner into a role that completely steals the show.

But the biggest star of this movie was not Englund or Jenna Jameson's boobs but the clown gore. OH THE GLORIOUS CLOWN GORE! There were some fantastic gags in this film. We have a head being torn in half, a peen getting bit off, Jenna Jameson staple gunning her throat back together, a zombie stripper catfight, and probably the funniest joke involving ping-pong and billiard balls ever. And these are just a few of the highlights. CGI was minimal and they relied on good old fashioned makeup and blood effects which just made this movie all the better.

The big question I'm sure is "But Cins, this movie lacks your favorite angry bitches! Wouldn't you be offended by this?" Well, being a woman zombie fan I obviously when into this film for the zombies and not the strippers. But do I have something against boobies? Nope. I have a pair myself. I love my pair. I respect my pair. And if there are women who have no issues showing their pair off on film while rubbing them against a pole, then so be it. Go with God, fair titties! The stripper characters were such cartoons that I found no offence in them at all. Not to mention the men folk were just a dim as the women folk so there was really no "Men are superior and women are only good for their titties!" vibe to it. Surprisingly enough, I found the strippers in Zombie Strippers MUCH less offensive that any of the "dancers" in the movie Showgirls. At least in Zombie Strippers it was played for laughs. Besides, if you rent a movie called Zombie Strippers you should damn well know what you're getting into. So no, I was so not offended one bit. I love crazy camp.

This movie was all kinds of win and awesome. If you like over the top gore, total camp, and complete unapologetic stupidity, put this on your Netflix now.
I do hope they create a sequel... Zombie Male Strippers. That would rule.

CAT FIGHT! Who will win!?!

Sorry about the late post, folks. Cins here got stuck on the split shift which screwed up her schedule.

Unfortunately I'm rather brain dead to write an in depth article so instead I am posting some fun filled discussion fodder.

CAT FIGHT!
In an all out balls to the walls cat fight, who would win?

Samara from The Ring

VS

Kayako from Ju On (aka The Grudge)


My money's on Kayako. I think she's more prone to being a sneaky bitch. Samara has to wait seven days to freakin' do anything.

And while we're at it...

Toshio from Ju On (aka The Grudge)

VS
Gage from Pet Cemetery.

I think Gage can wipe the floor with that meowing little bastard. Afterall, he's already skilled with a razor at the tender age of 2.

3 2 1

FIGHT!

ANGRY BITCHES! Women who kick ass.

So after some booze and a healthy dose of Quantum of Solace, what better way to remove the thought of Michael Myers penis from my mind than writing an article on horror film women?

Now before some of you get excited, no this is not an article on "Top 10 Women in horror I would consider scissoring". Even though Stac and I have had the "If I were a lesbian" conversation before, that is a post for another time...when we're really drunk.

I'm sure I just pissed off all my lesbian friends with the above statement.



No, I am talking about the hard heroine. The women who kick ass and take names. You know, bitches. Being a woman, I become delighted when I encounter a competent female heroine. Now, don't get me wrong. I love old school horror. A woman running through a dark forest armed only with her underwear, and screaming loud enough for every deformed loony with a sharp object to come after her is actually quite hilarious (On the screen that is. In real life it would be a bit disturbing.).



Despite my amusement, it gets tiring after a while. And when a woman comes around that is not in her underwear and armed with a BFG (or machete, or her teeth, or what have you) I get excited.

Now before you venture ANY further down this article keep in mind there will be spoilers! If you have a problem with spoilers, stop reading right now and go read Stac's article about horror icons she wants to do, again.



Okay....all set?


I'm going to start with the mother of all bad ass angry bitches in my book, Ellen Ripley.


Now I've already made it clear that Ripley is my hero. And I could probably go on and on stating the same things I've said (And everyone else has said) about her. I'll try to be brief. What I found so great about Ripley was she was an average blue collar woman. Yes she knew how to operate a power loader...and yes I do want to own one... but she was not a trained marine. Nor was she a shrinking violet. She was cool, calm, collected, and a professional. And when she DID lose her cool it made perfect sense why she did. Who wouldn't? have you SEEN those things?! wouldn't YOU want to beat the crap out of Carter Burke too?!


Though most people focus on Ripley in the Alien series there is one woman who is always over looked. Vasquez.



Now if there is any woman who could probably chew up and spit out Ripley, its this woman here. She tends to get overlooked because she died horrifically and well, she wasn't the heroine. I also noticed that she is overlooked because many people consider her "one of the boys" which for me, is pretty damn cool. She blended in rather well. There was no sub plot about how difficult it was to be a woman amongst some much machismo. Actually, given the group she was with, I felt Vasquez had the biggest balls out of all of them. She may not have been a leader, and she was hot headed, but when it came down to the wire, she was willing to blow herself up for the team. And do it with a funny quip to the guy she though was a douche bag.



Which leads me to Alice.



Alice, sweet Alice. Now I consider the Resident Evil movies action films not horror. The one that was the closest to horror in my mind was the third one Resident Evil: Extinction. In fact, I really didn't like Alice much UNTIL Resident Evil: Extinction. That was when Alice grew into her own as a character. No memory problems like the first one and no...huh...you know, I didn't pay much attention to the second one since I found it a bit dull. Regardless, Alice became kick ass in the third film. The fighting, the motorcycle, controlling shit with your mind, and the army of skinny naked clones at the end. Yes, the idea of being charged at by a ton of stick skinny supermodels with weapons does frighten me. What I liked about the concept of Alice was how the idea of her struck fear in the hearts of the villains. They wanted her dead because they KNEW she could probably snap their necks with her thighs.



Moving off the concept of super bad asses, the competent heroine is another concept I love. One of my favorites is Ana from Dawn of the Dead the remake.




I found Ana to be one of the stronger females in a horror film. Not only does she experience one of the most insane first 10 minutes of terror at the beginning of the film she makes it almost through the entire film without losing it. There is a brief moment where she breaks down in private after finally settling at the mall but she never flies off the handle in a fit of hysteria like a certain pregnant Russian woman. That was something I found extremely relateable about Ana. The fact that she hid her vulnerability to keep herself in control during such chaos. Not only does Ana become one of the leaders of the small group, she actually challenges the over zealous rent-a-guards by telling them to "Get that fucking gun out of my face" and pushing it aside as if he was waving a newspaper at her. I love a girl with hootzspah! Ana was a good example of a leader. She didn't have to be a gun toting she-hulk to be commanding. She had brains and bravery. When Ana spoke, the masses listened.



Sticking with the zombie genre, anyone remember Selena from 28 Days Later?




Sometimes it kind of hard to remember others when you have a movie containing full frontal Cillian Murphy in there. I liked Selena the moment she hacked into her partner, Mark seconds after she found out he was bitten. She was a survivor. And while some could argue that Selena grew weaker through out the film I felt she grew even stronger. As the story progressed, Selena realized she actually had something to survive for, and damn it if she wasn't going to survive kicking and screaming.
What I found so interesting about Selena is how her character evolved from a heartless surviving machine to someone who has a capability to care for others.
She had a big sister quality that she showed when her and Hannah were being held by the British soldiers and took care of her group whether it was with a machete or with words. When the zombie Apocalypse comes, I want Selena on my side.



Now for a woman with class. Clarice Starling.




What is so lovely about Clarice is her combo of strength and vulnerability. A lot of that is credited to Jodi Fosters' pitch perfect performance in Silence of the Lambs. While Clarice was obviously a woman in a man's world, she held her own. She chastises Jack Crawford for treating her like just another woman in front of the small town police men. She is shaken by what she is seeing in the Buffalo Bill murders but never relents and never gives up. She faces off with Hannibal Lecter, a man would happily carve your cheeks off for dinner and not only survives but earns his respect.





To end this far too long post I'm going to point out two characters in one of my favorite horror films. I'm sure I'll lose some of my "Street Cred" for naming this as a favorite but damn it, Silent Hill scared the crap out of me! It wasn't all terror all the time but the creepy factor was through the roof and the art direction was a thing of grotesque beauty.

Silent Hill is not without its flaws. The dialog is akin to a student play about motherhood. But this movie had not just one but two strong females in it, Rose and Cybil.




Now you can argue that if Rose wasn't such a friggin' bone head by taking her daughter to a haunted town with a constant coal fire burning under it, they wouldn't be in trouble in the first place! But then, if she didn't there would be no story and I wouldn't be writing this about this movie now, would I?
What I liked about Rose was her sheer stubbornness. Her complete and utter uncompromising decision to rescue her daughter. She was a mom on a mission! And if that meant dealing with howling coal midgets, roaches with people faces, and of course, Pyramid Head she would meet each one head on. She had her faults. She was shrill and annoying but I admired her tenacity and love of her daughter.


Cybil was another wonderful female. She also had a stubborn streak and didn't put up with Rose's shit. And trust me, there are times when you wanted to give Rose a sound slap in the face. The defining moment for me with Cybil was the scene near the junk yard when that weird, no faced no armed, acid spitting, God knows what thing was came at the two. The moment it looked dangerous, Cybil brought out the gun and open fired. No screaming "OH MY GOOOOOOD!, no terror, just recoil. And up to her dying breath she was Hell bent on protecting Rose's daughter, even while tied to a ladder and set on fire she was ready to take those cult fuckers on!
I will agree though that no cop has a uniform that tight. Thank God she as a nice ass to pull it off. What a wonderful way to end a mildly feminist article...with me talking about Cybil's ass.



I have a ton of other women in my mind for this but these are the ones I felt strongest writing about. Do you have any you want to share? Lay it on me!

What I am Thankful For-The Creepy Addition

Thanksgiving is a great time for food, family, and being grateful for the gifts they recieved in the last year. Well, for my family it was. For others I'm sure it was a great time for stress, burnt turkey, and your cousin coming out of the closet infront of your redneck Uncle Chuck.
But I digress.
I felt I had a few things to thank the horror genre for giving us and today is a good day to do so.

What Cins is Thankful for:

Clive Barker

Clive Friggin Barker, man. Currently he is my top favorite in my personal Trilogy of Terror (Clive Barker, Wes Craven, and John Carpenter) What sets Mr. Barker apart for me is his elegance in the horror genre. His movies have an elevated feel much akin to the Gothic horror films of the 50's and 60's. I like to call him the master of "Goo. His visuals always have this style of "Goo" to them that no other film maker can capture (much like the Stanley Kubrick boobies. Ever notice that every woman in a Kubrick film has the same type of boobies? Just me? Really?...Nevermind.). His gore is elegant. Seriously. No matter how graphic or gory his scenes become, there is a beauty of it that keeps me watching. I am not a gore hound, but I cannot get enough of Clive Barker gore. If you never seen a Barker film I highly recommend Hellraiser (a Classic), Candyman, and a hidden Gem, Nightbreed.
So thank you Mr. Barker, for giving us a little art with our horror.

Ellen Ripley

I'm thirty two years old...and I want to grow up to be Ellen Ripley.
Ripley was the first female character I ever saw in a SciFi/Horror film who a-did not have massive cleavage and b-survived off her wits and c-Kicked ASS! I'm sure Ripley was not the first but she was the BEST. I saw the first two Alien films in reverse. So when I experienced Ripley coming out in that power armor and demanding "Get Away From Her, You Bitch!" I stood up and shouted 'YES!! YES!!! I WANT TO BE THAT!!"
In retrospect it would he shitty to be Ripley. I rather not be constantly persued by Xenomorphs and subjected to Alien 3. But At the time? Yes. I would have been awesome.
So Thank you Ripley for showing the world that women can kick much ass.


Eli Roth's Thanksgiving
Okay, as a horror blog I felt obligated to post this on Thanksgiving. I think its an Internet law somewhere. I'm not a big fan of Eli Roth's films. I feel they're too much gore, too little heart. But man himself though? I love the guy. He clearly loves horror and has a wicked sense of humor. Example? Pancake boy from Cabin Fever. I have NO clue what that was about but I laughed for about 2 minutes after that.
So when Mr Roth created this hilarious trailer for Grindhouse, I fell a little in love with the bastard. I was eagerly awaiting his trailer movie Trailer Trash which was supposed to come out last August and didn't. I can't seem to find much information about it these days. Hopefully it hasn't been shelved.
Oh well, at least I still have Thanksgiving.
Thank you Eli Roth, for being a wicked little bastard.

Freddy In Space


No, I am NOT sucking up. I truly like this blog. A lot. Freddy In Space has not only inspired Stac and I to open up our wacky corner on the web but also is an endless source of movie reviews, trivia, and rare gems that I've never seen before. John is also a really great and friendly guy. He is always open to discussing movies or whatever on his blog or message board. So Go Read it! Now! Right now! I'll wait. Really.....
FreddyInSpace.BlogSpot.Com
...See? Wasn't That Fun?!
So Thank you John and Freddy In Space for inspiring our silly ramblings and weirdness. Also, thanks for not thinking I'm a stalker. Of course after this paragraph you may think I am now. Sorry about that.

I hope everyone has a great and happy Thanksgiving! Enjoy the Turkey hangover tomorrow!