Back From The Abyss! Oh, and Zombie Strippers.

So we have returned from the dark abyss known as the holiday season. But I got lots of swag and managed to spoil my 8 month old nephew so it was a good time.
Hopefully we haven't lost any of you peeps out there. If so, perhaps we could lure you back with cookies?
If not, how about a review of Zombie Strippers?

Will that work?
Come on all, lets ring in the new year with fake titties and gore! Who could ask for anything more?!


I honestly think I'm one of the very few women who wanted to really see this movie. Seriously. I jumped up and down on the couch, grabbed my husband's arm and yelled 'WE HAVE TO SEE THIS!!" to him when I first saw the trailer online. After that moment I was granted the title "best wife ever" which I wear with pride. Unfortunately, we couldn't find a showing of it in our city so we had to wait until DVD. And that moment was last night.

And lemme tell ya, it was one hellava ride!
Here's a taste of the movie if you have no idea what I'm talking about.



The long and short of Zombie Strippers is as follows: The government created a chemical to create super solders. But unfortunately due to a long paragraph of scientific sounding words that really make no sense, it turns people into zombies. The marines are called in to take care of things, one infected escapes, hides out in a strip club then bites Jenna Jameson on the neck during a performance. The infection both kills her and turns her into a super zombie stripper which drive the men folks wild I tells ya! WILD! But lil' Jenna unfortunately has that hunger for human flesh and it creates a bit of chaos as the weeks roll by. Before you know it, we're all sitting on the edge of Armageddon holding paintball guns and trying to guess which breasts are real and which ones were store bought.
This, my friends, was an awesome movie.

Zombie Strippers is pure fun. The cast obviously had a blast making it. The acting was porn star level but what do you expect when you have a porn star as your leading zombie? And to Miss Jameson's credit, she was fantastic. The woman cracked me up. She had no problem playing something mildly disgusting and even poked fun at herself and her porn persona. But of course, for that horror touch of class, Robert Englund elevated this movie from B to all out cult classic. I love this man. He makes what probably would have been a throw away part as the strip club's sleazy yet germophobic owner into a role that completely steals the show.

But the biggest star of this movie was not Englund or Jenna Jameson's boobs but the clown gore. OH THE GLORIOUS CLOWN GORE! There were some fantastic gags in this film. We have a head being torn in half, a peen getting bit off, Jenna Jameson staple gunning her throat back together, a zombie stripper catfight, and probably the funniest joke involving ping-pong and billiard balls ever. And these are just a few of the highlights. CGI was minimal and they relied on good old fashioned makeup and blood effects which just made this movie all the better.

The big question I'm sure is "But Cins, this movie lacks your favorite angry bitches! Wouldn't you be offended by this?" Well, being a woman zombie fan I obviously when into this film for the zombies and not the strippers. But do I have something against boobies? Nope. I have a pair myself. I love my pair. I respect my pair. And if there are women who have no issues showing their pair off on film while rubbing them against a pole, then so be it. Go with God, fair titties! The stripper characters were such cartoons that I found no offence in them at all. Not to mention the men folk were just a dim as the women folk so there was really no "Men are superior and women are only good for their titties!" vibe to it. Surprisingly enough, I found the strippers in Zombie Strippers MUCH less offensive that any of the "dancers" in the movie Showgirls. At least in Zombie Strippers it was played for laughs. Besides, if you rent a movie called Zombie Strippers you should damn well know what you're getting into. So no, I was so not offended one bit. I love crazy camp.

This movie was all kinds of win and awesome. If you like over the top gore, total camp, and complete unapologetic stupidity, put this on your Netflix now.
I do hope they create a sequel... Zombie Male Strippers. That would rule.