Monday, August 10, 2009

Discussion Time! "People Are Strange..."

I always like trying to open up discussions on the blog here. Honestly, the best stories I hear tend to come from horror fans. Maybe its the ability to see past the norm. Maybe its because we all see the macabre in the mundane....maybe its because we're all sick sons of bitches...
I'm betting on the third.
Regardless, I hear some of the best stories on horror blogs and horror forums.So I decided to open the flood gates today and talk about "Weird People". And I'm sure all of us have had our encounters with them. Now far be it from me to judge what is weird and what is not. I'm hardly the epitome of normalcy here. And I'm pretty tolerant of the strange an unusual. I grew up in the San Fransisco area where the guy with twenty neck piercings was a buddy of mine. But there are those people, those "weird people" who even set my teeth on edge and make me wonder what exactly goes on in their basement. That one person who won't stop staring at you or telling you at great length about their stabbing bunnies in the throat hobby.

So the question to the masses is; what was your encounter with a "weird person"?

I have had several.

As I stated many entries ago, there's a vast difference between what weirdness Stac attracts and what weirdness I attract. While Stac seems to attract supernatural forces such as ghosts, I do not. I'm actually a supernatural black hole of boring. This is because the spirit world thinks I'm dull and annoying I'm sure. So if you do have a haunting issue just invite me in your house a few days. Chances are any spirits you have will leave for more exciting venues after a weekend with me.
In exchange for this gift of supernatural negating, I have become fly paper for freaks. Living, breathing, freaks. I think its a pheromone I let off. And frankly, I rather have the supernatural on my tail because living people tend to scare me more. My freak magnet developed right around puberty much like heroes in novels, movies, and comic books who develop their mutant power. I really believe that this "power" is directly related to breast growth rate. So at one time, I was a sweet young innocent lady. But my freak magnet over the years has turned me into a smart mouthed mistrusting bitch hag....well actually not really ONLY my freak magnet but it would make a good back story for a comic, wouldn't it?
But enough about my scientific theories. On to the freak show!

As an adult I've learned to accept the magnet and live with it. My poker face is impeccable. Ask Stac. She has witnessed the poker face on several occasions. This comes in handy at work. My job is more or less receptionist with many other little tasks involved. I sit at a large desk in a huge lobby and I greet people, answer phones, sell tickets, collect packages, etc. etc. We do have security...which is nowhere near my desk so a girl has to be resourceful (I.E. pepper spray in the top drawer). I work in a up scale area so the majority of the people I deal with are rich folks with LOTS of entitlement issues. But every once in a while I get a gem or two.

Case 1: Cult Lady
Cult Lady was briefly mentioned in my entry about Carrie. She started out normal enough. A small framed woman with frizzy hair and big eyes. She asked for some info and admission prices which I cheerfully told her about. She attempted to convince me to give her free admission because "It was the right thing to do". But I told her not a snowball's chance in Hell in the most diplomatic way possible. She backed off after a while but remained in the lobby staring at me with those big eyes. those big CRAZY eyes. I could feel them boring into my skull as this way too wide smile practically split her face in two. I ignored her for the most part. After about 10 minutes she came up to my desk to let me know that I must have a kind soul and kind souls should be rewarded. I just sort of blinked and responded with the ever eloquent "...kay?" She then proceeded to whip out a DVD from her purse, hands trembling and place it in my own, her crazy eyes all a glow with excitement and glee. And in a low shaking voice she muttered...
"You will watch this. Watch this and it will CHANGE your life! And soon you will be wanting to join me and my friends!"
I was expecting her to cackle manically afterwards but she just turned and skipped on out. I placed the DVD in a drawer afraid it would emit cosmic zombie cult waves at me. And there it stayed for about a week or two. Flash forward. My co worker who takes over on the weekends said that a guest with frizzy hair and crazy eyes came by a couple times looking for me. Apparently Cult Lady dropped by work more than once to talk to me again. And for two weeks I managed to avoid her. But she did finally catch me. All smiles she approached the desk and eagerly asked
"So, did you watch it? Are you ready? Are you ready to come with us?"
I blinked then smiled one of those smiles that don't quite touch the eyes and replied 'I'm sorry, I'm just not interested. But thank you for the offer"...on the inside I was screaming "FUCK OFF CRAZY CULT LADY! OH GOD DON"T TOUCH ME WITH YOUR CREEPY COSMIC WAVES! AHHHH!"
Cult Lady frowned and demanded I give her the DVD back. She had other people to brain wash. Unfortunately one of my co-workers found it and shipped it off to lost and found aka no man's land. I really thought Cult Lady was going to dive over the desk and bite a chunk out of my neck. Instead she just walked off. This happened about a year ago, but I'm waiting for her to come back.

Case 2: Painting Guy
This is a shorter story but one that is weird none the less. Painting Guy has also become a regular occurrence at my place of work popping up right around the beginning of the holidays. He's like the ground hog. Painter Guy is here, winter must be coming. Painter Guy is a huge hulking figure of a man. He walks hunched over and has blond hair fashioned into a bowl cut. I think he has an under bite. I never got THAT good of a look at him. At the beginning of the Holiday season, Painter Guy appears like a homeless homicidal Santa. He walks up and down the block in front of our establishment with a HUGE painting under his arm. And he paces the front of the building for about an hour or two holding this giant painting up. Now this painting looks like something that would come from a prison art therapy session. Its yellow and splattered with red and comprised of screaming faces in agony all rather primitively painted. The painting looks like how one would feel after a car wreck or if you were a mentally disturbed eight year old child. Maybe that's what the painting is about? I don't know. I never asked. He never comes into the building. Occasionally he'll stop at the window by my desk and stare at me for a minute or two, holding the screaming painting of evil in front of him like a warning...or a beacon. I used to ignore him but now I just smile and wave. Because after I acknowledge him, he moves away from the window and goes back to pacing. At one time security went out to him just to ask what he may need. His response was "I'M LEAVING YOU FASCIST MOTHER FUCKERS! BUT I'LL BE BACK!"
Painting Guy is the soul reason I bring a camera to work everyday. I'm really hoping to catch him on film. Unfortunately its like trying to get a photo of Bigfoot or a UFO.

So there are a few encounters of mine. What about you?Please share....I don't want to be the only freak magnet on the interwebs.


Nojh said...

I feel humbled. I thought I knew weird people but listening to the stories of Cins wacky world always makes me wonder if I'm just a commercial to her sitcom.

I don't have access to the general public. In fact the majority of my time is spent avoiding them like the plague. This might be why I don't encounter as many weird people as Cins. However during my college days, I did have to venture out amongst the masses, and one particular person comes to mind.

We called him Box Boy.

Box Boy carried around a backpack like any normal college student. But any other resemblance to a normal college student stopped here, usually about the time that he opened his backpack and pulled out a Game Cube. He would do this just about anywhere that there was a TV, and a group of people, because he was obsessed with challenging people to Super Smash Brothers Melee, a video game where in you can play any Nintendo character and beat up on each other until one of you goes flying off into oblivion. Mind you I don't mean that he wandered over to a dorm room, or someone's apartment, I mean TVs in restaurants, TVs in class rooms. I think if they had invented a portable LCD TV when I was in college, he would have carried that around, ever expanding his random Nintendo character fighting tournaments.

No I don't know why we called him Box Boy rather than Cube Boy. Probably cause of the alliteration.

Now I might not have considered this all that weird. Super Smash Brother's Melee is a fun game. But hang around any length of time with and several things become readily apparent. First off the man did not bath. At least if he did, he immediately ran up a sweat in order to cover the smell of cleanliness with his own musk. It might have also been that he never changed clothes, as I could not tell as he always wore a pull over that covered most of his body. He also seemed to have issues with cutting his finger nails and combing his hair.

This combined with excessive behavior and the ability to talk about just about nothing important made him very hard to get along with. It was really just the combination, take away any one thing and he was an okay guy.

It was only until later that I learned that he was several years older than me, a graduate student, and was focusing on theoretical physics. Yes Box Boy was a budding Gordon Freeman in the making folks. I hope he never finds a crowbar.

Stac said...

Nojh: That makes sense; I'd have guessed either genius or whack-a-doo. The two are frighteningly close in comparison.

My freak is:
Her: "But those Orientals are eating all of the krill!"

Me: ..what, are they swimming with their mouths open or something?!

An hour plus with that crazy ho made getting Harry Potter book 5 so much more.. vivid.

Zacery Nova said...

"Africa Girl"

This was a girl I met at a party who had just returned from an AIDS-research trip in Africa, she told me I was inhuman for not going to Africa too and treated us all as if we were morons whilst telling stories about how inspirational it was to get drunk in Zimbabwe. Strange girl.

zombiestomper said...

THis is an awesome topic I want to post something about some of the strange people I've met. But most of those stories just end up being tragic instead of funny. I'll try to think of something.

Cins said...

Nojh>>*L* I think you told me about Box Boy. WTF? I think I encounted his twin at Anime Expo...MANY times.

Stac>>HP lady FTW! She is insane. You should share that story, damnit!

Zach>> O.o

ZS>>We'd love to hear the stories! Its nice to know I'm not the only one around here who the freaks love!

zombiestomper said...

I work at a church that has a food bank. The food bank is not run by the church but by the United Way so there are certain rules people have to abide by to get food, because too many people have cheated the system in the past.
THis is where I met two crazies.
The fisrt we will call Otis. THis guy came in one day who looked just like Oits from House of 1000 Corpses and Devil Rejects. We offred him food sinc eit was his first time. He didn't want the food he wanted money. We told him we didn't give out money. Well Otis started to freak the fuck out. He keep telling us he would call the police, tell the pastor we weren't helping etc. We finally got him out of the buliding. Once he was out there he started hitting up the kids who were coming to Wensday Night church. The youth director and I finaly got him to leave but before he left he threanted us with "The full power of The United States Armed Forces!"
The second person is Mouth Full of Crap Lady or MFCL. The church is closed on Saturdays but I was there doing secuirty for a private party when MFCL called wanting food. I could barely understand her but finaly figured out she wanted food. I felt bad and told her she could come and pick up a box even though it wasn't regualr hours etc. She said she would come and get it. About an hour later she called me back asking if I would bring the food to her mother who lived about a block from the church. Her mother's house was on my way home so I told her I would. A few minutes later she called and asked me to take the food to her house becuase she couldn't make it to her mothers house due to lack of gas. I asked where she lived and she told me she lived in Bessemer which is not a town we serve. There is another food bank in Bessemer which serves them. Bessemer is at least 5 miles out of my way. I told her I could take it to her mothers but wasn't driving to Bessmemer and I would wait on her while she got a ride to come and get the food. OR maybe her mother could bring it too her. The woman decided to cuss me out and damn me to hell. So I told her I was taking the food home and eating it myself.
She is no longer on the food program. The moral there don't bite the hand that feeds you. I kinda hope her genetic freak ass starvard and died and didn't have a chance to reproduce.