Tuesday, December 1, 2009

So...a new holiday horror film? I think so!

Okay hear me out.

I think most Holiday horror movies are pretty awesome. I mean we got killer snowmen, killer santas, and killer...well you get the idea. Yet no one has YET tackled the scariest holiday day ever.
BLACK FRIDAY.
That's right folks. No one to my knowledge has tackled this day. And why not? Come on, have you SEEN some of the people out there on Black Friday?! I went once in my life...ONCE... and never again. The pushing, the screaming, the trampling. OYE!
...it almost makes someone want to cut lose with a machete, don't it?

So I think there needs to be a Black Friday horror film. And it must involve the following:

  • Disgruntled Retail employees.
  • Midnight Madness.
  • Tickle Me Elmo.
  • Somewhere, somehow, a Walmart.
  • A Muzak version of "The Little Drummer Boy".
  • A Machete.
  • Shoppers being trampled.
  • A cleverly dressed killer..like completely decked out in shopping bags and livers or something.
  • Fat lady in a stained Christmas Sweater.

I mean the kills practically write themselves, here. Okay Hollywood...you heard my case...get crackin'!!

These Holiday horror thoughts brought to you by crack!

9 comments:

The Bear Family said...

I HATE Black Friday! I, too, went once. I was run down by the cart of a triple-wide Mexican woman in the bicycle aisle. Wish I'd had a machete...

Scott M said...

I have survived Black Friday as both a retail jockey and as a Joe Consumer...I know well the Horrors of Mall Retail.

They SHOULD do a Slasher Flick based on that...

Matthew said...

I picture the killer grabbing a shopper by the head, and repeatedly raking their face on the aluminum scanner as bits of their skin peel off like an apple.

You're right, this would make a great movie.

Nojh said...

I dunno. You guys are going to psycho killer route. I almost think this kind of movie begs to be a zombie flick. I mean shopping, zombies, perfect match right?

Plus it leads into a nice sequel regarding ghosts and Cyber Monday... or something.

Cins said...

Bear>>Yeah, NEVER again for me! Its the elbows. Elbows in my face elbows in my side, elbows in my butt! I mean Black Friday works for some people but my LORD I get Hostile!

ScottM>>Dude, you are a warrior to have seen both sides.

Matt>>See? The kills write themselves!!

Nojh>>*L* See, to me, a zombie route seems to obvious. I think a slasher film would encompass the complete RAGE that this day embodies.;)
The Cyber Monday Ghosts could be interesting..

A Cinematic Slice of Cheese said...

OH MY GOD I LOVE THIS IDEA! Seriously, why has Hollywood not tackled this barbaric day yet? I mean seriously it writes itself as a potential movie. Especially after last year when walmart was bum-rushed by crazed shoppers killing a person or two. The closest we got is "Jingle All The Way", but that was not intentional horror.

A Cinematic Slice of Cheese said...

Did you see they are releasing a movie next year where Santa becomes a zombie?

Nojh said...

No? What movie is this??

A Cinematic Slice of Cheese said...

The movie is a Russo-Finish filn called Rare Imports. Here is the teaser:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D46QhwFyzp0